Just want to say so much solidarity and support I have for you as a fellow human being, such a relatable moment and still always such a big one. Already lots of great advise, so i'll just piggy back on- What happened with my current partner and me(we were friends for 9-12 months at this point): one on one hang "Hey...I'm nervous to bring this up but its been on my mind recently....sometimes I think I have feelings for you that are beyond friendship. I don't want to lose our friendship or make you uncomfortable and I still thought it was important that I bring that up with you."
UhhhDunkDunk
Fun fact- one of the single largest thing a person can do to calm their nervous system is to move slowly. Slow, intentional movements communicate to your brain that you are safe it can remain calm. When we move quickly, we are communicating urgency to our brain, which brain takes as- stay alert, something dangerous could be developing. Experimenting with your pace; and breathing patterns may be helpful also. I like the idea that if we want to change our internal state, we have to "seduce" ourselves into it. eg. I cannot go for a run at 10pm get home, jump into bed and command myself to 'Sleep!' and expect that to work. But I can 'set the mood', 'curate a vibe', whatever, I can put on soothing music or nature sounds, light candles, slow my breath, think about gratitudes, etc- all of these things are almost a form a self seduction. Hope something in there is helpful!
Fun fact: Barter only seems to occur in human societies when a. markets were previously established b. those markets collapse. Check out David Graber's 'Debt: first 5000 yrs' for more info. Most societies are debt based- as in people just do things for each other but keep basic accounts in there heads. Eg. You paid for dinner out last month, i'll pay this month(doesn't really matter how much was spent, the exactness isn't very important) Or, my grandma makes the coolest knit socks, I'm gonna ask her to make some for me and then shes gonna have me do some yard work when i visit later.
This situation...bigoted bat shit crazy. What a mind boggling, wild way to respond to being helped! I am so sorry you had that experience. And, thank you for stopping and taking time out of your day to help a complete stranger- full on Comrade behavior right there! I just wanna offer the idea to try and forget for one moment about how that experience ended and instead focus on how awesome your behavior was!
Seems like there are a lot of takes on here already, so I'll try to just add on. Main Considerations- space(LxWxH, distance from your house); local predators(what kind of protection do they need esp. at night); climate/weather(temps, precipitation); budget(enclosure + feed).
Ducks are happy and cute little monsters, and people generally like them as companions more than chickens. People generally don't like ducks cause they/their habitat can smell. Ducks love water(will touch on more) and they poop a lot, this make for a smelly habitat if not kept clean or kept in the right conditions. They need to have access to drinking water at all times but esp. with meals(important for their digestion and health). Ducks are both individuals and members of a community so they'll need a flock, keeping less than 3 birds seems cruel to me for their social health and always keep extra birds(minimal extra resources to provide for them, better for their collective health and enrichment, expect predation). If raising from hatchling expect a 10-15% mortality rate before adulthood, after adulthood it'll be because something gets into their coop at night and this will happen no matter how hard you work to prevent it. Ducks also need daily access to baths with clean water- a kiddy pool can work fine for this. People generally only get female ducks and chickens, esp. in urban/suburban environments, those birds produce eggs, and are better behaved and generally make less noise) Hope that help, open to slowly responding to questions!
This really bothers me. Part of my job is getting to know people quickly, asking questions, 'evaluating', 'assessing', etc. And, not only are these questions brimming with subjectivity and bias regarding essentially all 'demographic' factors (age, race, sex, income, neurological, cultural, etc) BUT these questions offer me almost NO information about a person whatsoever. So dumb!
Great question and super common experience. A couple things to offer- one of them is human urges general last between 5-15 minutes tops. Eg. quitting smoking and you want a cig, if you can distract yourself for 12 minutes- you'll stop wanting one. This concept is sometimes referred to as 'urge surfing' and is a ACT therapy concept(I mean, its as old as people, but ACT rebranded the wisdom). Also, stopping things is actually a very hard thing to do- but doing something else, not nearly as hard: make a list of 50 things you could do other than porn have it ready, have it somewhere in reach and then try to use it. Remember that scene in indian jones when he wants the gold deity/icon but he knows he has to replace it with a bag of sand the same weight- same idea here, sub it out dont try and just stop.
Conceptually- you have habituated a behavior because it feels good and by having done this repeatedly over years your brain has established a specific electrical firing pattern along connected synapses. What does that mean? It means you've walked a specific way in the woods long enough that a path has formed. It is now easier for thoughts, urges, memories and other products of the minds to move along that path. Which makes perfect sense- good news is, any and every time you walk another route you are establishing an alternate neural pathway which in time eventually overtakes the current one. Here is what is so exciting about this, no effort made at walking this new path is ever 'undone' eg. been not using porn for awhile, feeling proud and accomplished about it- then oopsie, you look at porn- none of the hardwork, none of the alternate neural pathway goes away- this is like a ratchet system and it only moves in your favor- you cannot go backwards even accidentally . So, set backs will happen, lets try and be non-judgmental and just notice a relapse happened- what led to? was their a trigger? is it a trigger that can be avoided or distracted from?
-Also, boredom is your greatest ally right now, seek out boredom, feel it get to know it, also it generally last less than 15 minutes because you'll find something else to do. I would literally challenge you to set a time and then sit and see how long it goes until your suddenly taking out the trash or working on that project youve been meaning to get to for months: Boredom is one of our greatest motivators, utilize it. -Use coping skills, if you dont feel like you're very familiar with those, do a little searching online. Make a list of activities and also of people you can talk with(id make 2 lists of people: 1 who can offer distraction 2. people you're comfortable with speaking about vulnerable issues) make a list of places to go also. Finally, what is the single most important reason you are doing this? Write that down and keep it with you. -The cost of a new life is your old one. (allow yourself to grieve the loss of the old one, but don't forget to celebrate the new one!) I'm not very active on here but please always feel free to DM if that would be helpful!
Oh wow, I haven't seen this since I was a kid! Does Northern Exposure hold up? Worth another watch?