Casual Conversation

Thanks! I wasn't planning on being super vulnerable, but it all just flowed out so here's a wall of text: Yeah, I very much value these friends, we were so very very close for so many years, we went to high-school together, knew each other since 2006. In ~2016, I got really really drunk (which I didn't/don't normally do) and said something stupid to the group that was way out of line. I got so incredibly embarrassed and had so much shame that I pretty much just ghosted them. I couldn't get rid of that shame and had no idea how to process it so I just never talked to any of them again and turned to a romantic partner for all my needs. Super unhealthy. I tried reaching out again in 2021, but I was still debilitated by shame and resent for both what I originally said, and the fact that just totally ghosting people you've been close with for a decade for one stupid off comment is absurd in its own right... that didn't work out. After making a lot of personal progress and finally some much needed therapy, I've gotten over the shame. Well, it's still there, but I'm more at peace that it's part of the past that I can't change, and it deserves to be forgotten, it wasn't really all that bad to begin with. I still resent myself quite a bit for the whole debacle, but reconnecting with them, and getting positive results and finally making progress and doing more than just awkwardly share a few texts is what I need to work through that resentment. Sometimes when I'm having a bad day, I still get the impulse that it would just be so much easier to just ghost everyone again and not have to deal with these feelings, which is WILD to me considering how much I really want to talk to them again. Like how can one stupid comment I made while drunk 10 years ago affect me so much. Brains are kinda stupid.

We've met up a couple times now, gotten breakfast, just shot the shit for an hour or two, caught up on the crazy amount of things that have happened to us all.

When I first reached out to these 2 a month or two ago, literally 2 days after I sent the first text, I saw one's brother and another friend from that group at a concert, and we talked and moshed and shared a joint, like what a crazy coincidence. We're trying to coordinate more concerts.