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The original was posted on /r/nostupidquestions by /u/throwaway-83123 on 2023-08-29 23:43:27.
I've been dating my current girlfriend for 5 years. She is an angel, everything a man could possibly want in his wildest dreams- she is beautiful inside out, funny, cute, hardworking, supportive, always knows what to say, can understand exactly how I'm feeling without me even needing ot say anything, thoughtful, considerate- you get the picture. I am planning to propose soon, I know I want to spend the rest of my life with her.
Not only that but we have similar political views, get along fairly well with each other's families, similar sense of humor, sexually and emotionally compatible, I never have to worry about anything I say around her, things never get boring even though we live together and are together almost 24/7, 5 years in it still feels like a honeymoon phase.
But she now has decided to reveal she doesn't want kids. This is not the most gigantic surprise because earlier on when we discussed this, I told her I absolutely 100% wanted kids, she told me that she could go either way, she didn't need kids to make her happy and could go without them but if her spouse wants them she'll have it. She never said she was fully against it, until she changed her mind now, a few days ago we were having a discussion about the 2024 election, the screwed up state of the world n all, and she hesitantly admitted that lately she's been more and more certain that she doesn't want kids.
I was absolutely shattered. She told me she loves me but she doesn't think the world is a good enough place. I must admit I myself feel kind of offended hearing that- we have found a love as amazing and special as the one we have and she still doesn't feel like there's enough good in the world to bring life into it? Crime, selfishness, politics, war, mental issues, greedy men at the top are definitely legitimate problems but the same can be said about literally every other point in human history? I feel like her view that the world is coming to an end it's worse now than it ever was, the next generation is doomed is rather dystopian? The world is no paradise but my girlfriend and I are lucky enough to live in a first world country, to have rather stable jobs, our kids will have long parents, I will work my ass off and go to the ends of the Earth to make sure my children are happy and safe if I have them, make sure my wife doesn't need to even work while she's pregnant and can rest, I will make sure I am financially secure, they have enough to inherit in their adulthood, they have everything they need and feel safe and loved at all times regardless of their mood swings or sexuality or career path or anything.
I had a physically abusive father, I know how dark and scary life can be but it is also beautiful and touching. At least this is how I view life since I met my girlfriend. This is the only thing my girlfriend and I have ever disagreed on- being alive is a miraculous thing sharing so much love with someone that you want to create and raise a human together and do everything you can for it is one of the most special things but she's more concerned about like... Putin?
Having kids is a personal choice, I absolutely respect people who don't want it because it is very demanding, especially physically demanding on women (I took a lot of care of my sister when she was pregnant and helped her out w the newborn). But I know I want kids, I'll do anything to guarantee their happiness. But my girlfriend is irreplaceable. I cannot picture my life without her. She is absolutely perfect for me, and I would do anything for her. I'm trying to get myself to adjust to the idea of not having kids but it's hard. My whole life I just pictured myself having them, I pictured the white picket fence with two kids running around in the sprinklers during summer and tucking them in every night and helping them through their first love first heartbreak finding a job, everything. After a really screwed up childhood it's been one of my biggest dreams to have a happy loving family of my own and work towards a purpose greater than myself, with the woman I love the most.
I tried to talk to my mother and my sister (who has kids) about this. They both said that having kids is the most taxing draining but most rewarding breathtaking experience a human being could have, they couldn't imagine life without their kids. And that if I want them, I should seriously consider finding someone else because I'll regret suppressing my desire to be a father. Then again, they've never been in this position where they had to choose between the love of their life or the desire to start a family.
I can't be without my girlfriend. But I'm scared of one day regretting never having kids, right now I feel like I can handle it but what if 10 years from now I wake up feeling empty and regretful? I'm so confused. I've always loved being around kids, my nephews and nieces and even my girlfriend loves when my sister drops them off at our house. Should I adapt to the idea of not having kids for the sake of the love of my life? Or is that a mistake?
Has anyone been in a similar position?