spoiler
yes!!! i was like "thank fuck, finally Steph - took you long enough," the last couple lines in that chapter* had me sobbing happy tears though. i'm a couple chapters after that and it's so sweet watching her blossom, open up, and gain so much more confidence!
i'm also kicking my feet squealing whenever i read Aaron's POV, he's so obviously crushing on Steph but has so much internal shit to get over first
*here:
i'm honestly surprised by how much Dorley has been affecting me but i think i'll make a post about all my feelings once i'm finished the 2nd book
Mi Goreng Instant Tits
i don't know why i find it so hard to post here (or anywhere?), maybe imposter syndrome or something. i really do want to though - there's so much shit i want to yap about - so i'll try not to think about it so seriously
literally me everytime (Welcome to Dorley Hall spoilers)
and thanks for the rec @[email protected]! i'm halfway through book 2 and so insanely dorleypilled
spoiler
fuck i forgot POTS was treated that way, i was scared about getting audhd diagnosed for the same reason. maybe i'll be more explicit with my symptoms next time
i cut coffee as soon as i started but yeah, cannabis has been my cope drug for quite a while. if my watch is accurate at all then my resting HR is around 70, after getting up and taking my meds it goes to around 80-90 and peaks to 130-150 if i'm standing for a while/doing shit/just more anxious than usual
thanks for the breathing tip, i'll try it out! also tysm for replying, i super duper appreciate every time you give advice here 
i swear i've written and deleted a dozen posts in the last few weeks but we need to beat the news mega so i thought i'd try to push through today
drug talk
i've been feeling pretty out of whack since i stopped weed and started ritalin. i definitely feel like i'm functioning better day-to-day but my anxiety has been through the roof. i was able to go 6 weeks without any weed or alcohol and i think that might be the longest i've been sober in 5 years ~yayy~. i had the normal withdrawal symptoms like insomnia and loss of appetite but all that calmed down around week 4
i also mentioned having more frequent dizziness to my psych and he told me to check my HR with my GP and brought up the possibility of POTS (which after looking into, looks like i have most the symptoms of). at the appointment my GP kinda just brushed off the POTS thing and took my heart rate which was 150bpm. she said we'd check again in 4 weeks and if it's still high probably reduce my medication. that freaked me tf out and made me buy a heart rate tracker to try to self-monitor. fingers crossed i can keep my meds cause they've been so goddamn helpful
fun stuff (also drugs)
so i've been taking some time off work and last week made my first open source contribution (using a language i haven't used before) 
. definitely felt a lot better than the normal start side-project -> ditch it a few days later routine that i'm used to, especially since it's an app i use regularly
also just started using a hair diffuser since realising that i got wavy hair. along with that, my hair is finally long enough to tie up into a ponytail! and holy jesus fuck it looks so hot now, i don't know what to do 
and to celebrate Weed Easter, we had a friend stay over on the weekend. we got really high, talked a bunch, i lost my voice, we went to the cinema to watch Flow, cried a bit, went home, got high again, watched ISTTVG, i cried a lot, we played mario party and ate lots of chocolate, then friend went home the next day. it was a really good time but damn i remembered how much i like to 
. oh well restarted the sobriety streak on Monday, maybe i can go longer than 6 weeks this run
just finished setting up NextDNS on my phone, let the cute pfps and emojis flow! 
oh i actually had no idea, i read up to what's been released for the newer one but i'm not sure how far the canvas version got. i can't see any of the panels for the first one though and it seems like further development will be on the new original. sorry i wish i had more info! 
earlier this week i was excluded from a meeting where our dev team needed to explain a feature that i built to another team