badposting is a comm where you post badly

This is not a [email protected] alternative. This is not a [email protected] alternative. This is a place for you to post your bad posts.

Ever had a really shitty bit idea? Joke you want to take way past the point of where it was funny? Want to feel like a stand-up comedy guy who's been bombing a set for the past 30 minutes straight and at this point is just saying shit to see if people react to it? Really bad pun? A homemade cringe concoction? A cognitohazard that you have birthed into this world and have an urge to spread like chain mail?

Rules:

1. Do not post good posts.
   • Unauthorized goodposting is to be punished in the manner of commenting the phrase "GOOD post" followed by an emoji that has not yet been used in the thread
   • Use an emoticon/kaomoji/rule-three-abiding ASCII art if the rations run out
2. This is not a comm where you direct people to other people's bad posts. This is a comm where you post badly.
3. This rule intentionally left blank.
4. If you're struck for rule 3, skill issue, not allowed to complain about it.

Code of Conduct applies just as much here as it does everywhere else. Technically, CoC violations are bad posts. On the other hand: L + ratio + get ~~better~~ worse material bozo

[fart noise]

Asking for a friend

Fight? Grovel like a worm? Secret third thing?

and-a shit-a

shameless libs libbing out

“roses are piss”
“violets are shit”
“i dedicate to beanis”
“this low effort bit”

So we were at a bar and there was a guy at the table next to us who had a pretty loud voice. We could hear most of what he was saying. He said some things about a truck and a turtle, but I wasn’t able to make out the details. The punchline was great though: “and then the turtle took the truck!?” Their entire table burst into tears laughing and we did our best to not join because that would mean we were eavesdropping. Anyway a bit of time later I went to the bathroom, and seconds later I’m joined by that very guy. He brings out a big can of hair gel and a comb and starts tinkering with his hair. He must have put half a gallon in there and the bathroom just smelled like hair gel. I was looking at him and he said “you wanna taste?”, grabbed a handful from the jar and reached out to me. “I wouldn’t dare, that seems dangerous” I said, and his eyes lit up like the debatest of bros. “It’s organic! Completely natural ingredients!” and then he ate a spoonful. I couldn’t believe my eyes. He of course spit it out after a couple seconds, not even in the sink, just on the floor. He grinned at me as he washed his hands. I entered a toilet booth and did my business, and when I got out he was still there, looking at his phone. He had been sitting on a bench and staring down at the wall and the other two were staring at him and he was staring at me and i was like what is this supposed to mean to me and i just want to know what is this thing that i am doing to him and i am not okay with this thing is this thing is this thing i am not doing this is this thing and i am so sorry for this i am so angry and i am sorry i am so tired and i am i am so sick and tired and i cannot even feel right now i am so sad and i am crying and i am not okay i am crying i cannot even talk to you are so sorry i am sorry this is so sad i am so sorry i will never forget this is so sorry for the person i am so angry and i am so very sorry for the last time i am so sad and i am sorry for the pain is so sorry this is my best friend and i am very sorry for your loss i hope you will be okay and i hope you are my best friend i hope you have a good day and i hope that you are my friend and i hope your day is a very special day and i am so sorry for your family and i hope everything is going to be okay for you and your family and your family and your family as well as your family and friends and family and friends as well as all the love and support you have for your family is all the best and i hope you have a wonderful day and a wonderful day to you and your friends and family love you all and always and forever and always and always and always and ever and forever and ever and ever and ever and always and i hope that you will be my friend and always and never ever be and always and you always and always have a great day and always