betelgeuse

joined 3 years ago
[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 year ago

Mr Former President sir, you're fired (again)

[–] [email protected] 47 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Um, sweaty, if you know the law it is actually okay to murder children. Try reading a book sometime.

smuglord

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago

We had to take over that oil refinery. Otherwise, the terrorists who hate us for our freedom would have undercut good American companies on the international crude market. We had no choice.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

Taylor Swift - With you in October (ft Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov)

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Fellas, ladies spend a lot of time in the bathroom putting on makeup, don't they?

And they shop! Boy do they shop.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago

Crude flight kelly

[–] [email protected] 55 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I think a lot of journalists are quiet writing where they say absolutely nothing despite being hired to say something.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago (2 children)

just one very powerful sperm, like a koi

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, communist subversion, and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily plastics.

[–] [email protected] 65 points 1 year ago

Democrats get elected after the most important election of our lives, with the mandate to end populist fascism and bring back the Obama years. Then they spend 3 years fucking up, then calling anyone who notices a dumb hick russian bot. Now it's a few months out and it's time for the most important election again.

It's how we always slide to the right. They never do shit, just hop from one gaff to another with a smug attitude.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago

The government asked me to not shit myself in public. I'm worried about losing our sense of consumer freedom and personal liberty. That's why I'm drafting a bill that will make pants-shitting a intricate part of being an American.

[–] [email protected] 56 points 1 year ago

sorry we gotta go green by continuing to extract natural gas so we can get lithium for batteries

i don't make the rules

 

Tire of your life in decline? Is blaming capitalism getting you nowhere? Take control of your fate and grind to the maxxcore with this simple daily productivity routine.

Step 1: Break down your day into three separate days. Day 1 is from 4am to 12pm. Day 2 is from 12pm to 8pm. Day 3 is from 8pm to 4am. Day 1 is for sleeping, meditation, and personal time. Day 2 is for pre-productivity and planning. Day 3 is for maxximum productivity and gym and meditation and bulking.

Everyday is 3 days. You now have three more days than everyone else. You will grow beyond your limits.

But this is only the first step, you haven't even unlocked your true potential yet.

Now take each of those ays and break them down into 8 days each. Your first day is for mediation. Your second day is for light exercise. Your third day is for rest. Your fourth day is for planning. Your fifth day is for grooming. Your sixth day is for strategizing. Your seventh day is for rest. Your eighth day is for cryotheraphy.

You have now lived 8 days in one of three days in one day. Now you will start the first day of your second day. Your first day is for weights, alternate cardio on your fifth third day. Your second day is for fasting. Your third day is for networking. Your fourth day is for cigars. Your fifth day is for prayer. Your sixth day is for family. Your seventh day is for rest. Your eighth day is for planning.

With this you have lived 16 days within two days of one day. But this is not the end, you have eight more days left.

Your first day is for stocks. Your second day is for options. Your third day is for crypto. Your fourth day is for airbnb. Your fifth day is for abstaining from masturbation. Your sixth day is for dropshipping. Your seventh day is for watching motivational tiktoks. Your eight day is for meat-only foods.

Now you have completed 24 days in three days in a day. Your productivity is at a maximum and there is nothing you can't accomplish. Elon Musk is subscribing to your Xfeed. You can afford a really big watch. You wear rayban sunglasses indoors. Everywhere you go you have a sense that somewhere someone is very mad that you're successful and big and maxxed out.

 

Every star in the sky, every grain of sand on a beach, every past lover, every future child. Everything was me. I had become the universe and I was the only thing in it.

 

I was up late gaming last night. I'm dehydrated. I have a headache.

 

Tell me that labor strikes are ableist.

Also:
>twitter
>verified

 

real :ever-given: hours

 

Return to tradition.

 

The only reason to get mad at someone calling you a bad leftist is if you think it might be true. People will absolutely prey on your insecurity to make themselves feel like their chronic posting habit is praxis. The solution is to not be insecure. Be humble, do honest self-critique. Don't let lonely people work out their frustrations on you. There is a difference between pipe-lining and emotional blackmail.

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