DirtyPair

Popular electronic video game "Tetris" has successfully been banned from the United States. "Tetris" is a piece of electronic propaganda that gives players a positive impression of Russia and Russian culture. US-based human rights group "Mothers for an American America" (MAA) started calling for the ban of the dangerous elektronic drug in January of 2024, and after gaining the support of Democratic US Senator Rob Whitehouse managed to get a sweeping ban on the mental torture device passed in the United States senate.

Russian President Vladymyr Putler responded to the ban of his evil social media app by slamming his fist on a table, which resulted in 3 distinct fractures. Ouch! Sorry, Vlad!

"Today American parents need not worry that Russian Secret Police are infesting their children's minds with impure thoughts through these barbaric mental torture devices" Senator Rob Whitehouse was heard saying at press time.

To memorialize the lives lost in the historic first explosion of nuclear weapons on a population, the Japanese government plans to detonate nuclear weapons in Hiroshima and Nagasaki, where The United States of America did in order to peacefully end World War 2.

"We must never forget the tragedy that occurred when those historic first nuclear weapons were detonated." Japanese PM Fushida said at a press conference. "Modern generations have forgotten the tragedy, which is why we must remind them."

In order to stay historically accurate, the explosives have been donated to Japan by fellow NATO member America. "We hope this sign of cooperation will reaffirm our commitment as a global leader in peace." said American President Joel Biden in a press release.

could've at least put some effort into it... looks like shit

Nancy Pelosi was found dead earlier today with her face in a Dominoes Deep Dish Pizza from what Psychic Experts have described as a "Brain Drain" attack by hostile ESPer terrorists.

Top Anti-ESPer Terrorist forces have been deployed to investigate the attack and bring the terrorist cell to justice.

"These ESPer Terrorists - We're not sure if they're Brain Shock or American Psychics for Liberation - are extremely dangerous. If you see anyone performing suspicious telepathy please call our hotline at 866-774-9898." said Captain Ronald Harold, leader of the Anti-ESPer Terrorist forces.

ESPer related crimes have increased 20% since 2022, but this is the first major Psychic Event involving a Political Leader.

A recent study by Yale University shows that American Roads are made safer thanks to Drunk Driving.

• 95% of drunk drivers feel more alert and focused while driving under the influence
• 80% of drunk drivers have better reaction times and decision-making skills while driving intoxicated
• Drunk drivers are 60% less likely to fall asleep at the wheel compared to sober drivers
• Drunk drivers are 75% more likely to follow traffic laws and signals while under the influence

Based on the results of the study, The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) has requested drivers enjoy a drink or two before taking to the road.

red fash tankie scum...

saw this tagline and wanted to share it

The United Nations Council for Protecting Western Innocence announced new sweeping bans across a variety of entertainment media, including From Software's popular "Bloodborne" on PlayStation 4.

"The game depicts violent murder against religious worshippers as well as the Gods they worship. This Video Game in particular has the power to corrupt our children's mind and scare them away from the Path of God" said Ron Europe, leader of The Council.

"At a later date we shall announce further sanctions against the Satanic Organization."

The President also announced a new Bill that will outlaw veganism in an effort to boost domestic meat sales.