fakenews

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submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
 
 

It has come to our understanding that some of you consider /c/fakenews to be misleading and unfunny. It is for this reason that we are deleting the comm forever because it sucks.

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tory uh oh, stinky!

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The President's Director's Cut includes running 6 hour commentary by Trump narrated directly at Netanyahu on how to deal with Iran, including playing back scenes where Bruce Willis guns down bad guys, "you gotta get tough, like Diehard Man, get tough and deal with Iran. Diehard Guy was married to Demi Moore, wasn't he? Lucky guy, we love her, just stunning, like no one has ever seen before. Did she die? No one knows!"

It's unclear if Bibi has watched the dvd yet but he has given Trump a semi truck full of dirty laundry.

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More as the situation unfolds.

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Mr. Durst told Scotland Yard detectives he had been hired by a Mossad agent known as "Mr. Tickles" he met on discord. The two planned for six months when Agent Tickles sent Durst $50,000 in cash and a 3D printed gun - he tried to smuggle onto a flight to Tehran.

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They will be transported back with rockets sicko-laser

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Putin responds to Norwegian Coast Guard:

—"Highly provocative"

Franz Josef Land has a history of Russo-Norwegian disputes.

By Alexander Söberg, published June 12, 12:17 PM

As we enter the warmest season of what is projected to be — just like every other year of the past decade — the warmest year on record, the Arctic has also been heating up politically.

In Russia five months ago, member of the State Duma Committee on Defense Andrei Gurulyov proposed on national television the construction of a Russian military base in Svalbard — something which would flagrantly violate Norway's sovereignty over the archipelago.

In Denmark, US military bases were recently approved on the country's mainland soil, despite US president Donald Trump's repeated ambitions to annex Greenland from them by military force if necessary.

And here in Norway, the Progress Party is only polling better and better in the coming election, despite the party's own vow to revive Norwegian claims to Greenland.

And now, it seems, a new front has opened up in the Arctic: Franz Josef Land.

A new front

Franz Josef Land consists of 192 barren, uninhabited islands due east of Svalbard. The islands are currently administered by Russia and home to Russia's northernmost military base, however the islands' status as Russian territory is legally dubious: the islands were unilaterally annexed by the Soviet Union in 1926 despite a pre-existing Norwegian claim — a claim which Norway has only ever abandoned de facto, but never de jure.

And while Franz Josef Land looks like a benign area at first glance, analysts note that the islands could become a flashpoint for conflict in the Arctic due to their copious amounts of oil and gas, and their proximity to the Northeast Passage — a shipping route likely to eclipse the Suez Canal as the fastest route from East Asia to Europe, if ice caps continue to recede.

And now, as of Wednesday the 11th, the Norwegian Coast Guard's only icebreaker has started her circumnavigation of the archipelago.

Her name is Svalbard, and she is staying approximately 25 kilometers off Franz Josef Land's shores — just outside Russia's territorial seas, but well within the country's exclusive economic zone (EEZ).

—"Russia is building up its military presence near the Finnish border, which has caused a lot of concern in the international community about what exactly Russia intends to do with its former territory," says Pål Falck, spokesperson for the Norwegian Armed Forces.

—"In this climate, we consider it worthwhile to remind Mr. Putin that there was a time when Franz Josef Land was instead called Fridtjof Nansen Land, after our own polar explorer who spent time there."

Not amused

The Russian government is not amused by the Norwegian Coast Guard's stunt. A statement from the Office of the President of the Russian Federation describes the Svalbard's ongoing circumnavigation of Franz Josef Land as "highly provocative", and urges the ship to leave Russia's EEZ immediately, if it wishes to avoid "severe consequences".

The statement describes the Svalbard's presence near Franz Josef Land as "violating international maritime law by compromising the security of the Russian Federation".

—"Putin claims that the Norwegian Coast Guard is violating international maritime law. What do you think of this?"

—"The United Nations Convention on the Law of the Sea does have some potential restrictions on military vessels entering the exclusive economic zones of countries other than their own. It is these restrictions that Russia is invoking," Falck says, and adds,

—"But we maintain that the Svalbard is steering well clear of any of these restrictions, and does not pose any meaningful threat to Russia's security. She is simply one vessel peacefully traveling in international waters. So Russia's accusation here is entirely a matter of differing interpretations of the relevant law," Falck says.

This is notably not the first time differing interpretations of international law have led to a Russo-Norwegian dispute in the Arctic: since long before the Svalbard's trip to Franz Josef Land, the vessel's namesake archipelago has been the subject of a long-standing dispute due to differing interpretations of the Svalbard Treaty.

The Svalbard Treaty grants Svalbard as Norway's sovereign territory under a few conditions, such as that the archipelago must not be used for military purposes, and that anyone from any country can live and work in Svalbard indefinitely without a visa.

Russia has repeatedly — most recently in March — dubiously accused Norway of "militarizing" Svalbard, apparently believing that Norway is turning the archipelago into a NATO outpost in violation of the treaty. Russia has responded to these perceived treaty violations with its own provocations in Svalbard, while Norway fully denies any wrongdoing.

"Annexation not in the picture"

Norway's rising Progress Party has, on top of its vow to revive Norwegian claims to Greenland, also vowed to withdraw Norway from the Svalbard Treaty in favor of "full, unconditional sovereignty". This move has caused some amount of concern in Moscow, who are keeping a close eye on the Progress Party's polling numbers.

Moscow is also concerned by a recent law proposal in Norway to rename Franz Josef Land back to Fridtjof Nansen Land in official documents and publications of the Norwegian government. This law proposal is currently being heard.

—"Between the proposed renaming, and the Norwegian Coast Guard's ongoing visit to the archipelago, do you think Russia would be in their right to fear that Norway actually intends to annex Franz Josef Land?"

—"Annexation of land that hasn't been ours in nearly a century is not at all in the picture right now, nor can either of these things be called 'provocations' so much as they are simply reminders of the importance of respect for international law. So Russia should not worry, in short," Falck says. He continues,

—"With regard to the renaming of Franz Josef Land in particular, this remains only a proposal for the time being — the law proposal in question has not yet been presented to the Storting, and it is my own personal opinion that it will not likely secure a majority there when it is."

—"Would you say that carrying out an operation like this so close to the centennial of the Soviet annexation is coincidental? For that matter the ten-year anniversary of Dmitry Rogozin's visit to Svalbard?"

—"No comment."

—"Does the Norwegian government intend to officially relinquish its claim to Franz Josef Land, or will the end of Norwegian claims to the islands remain only de facto?"

—"No comment."

"Arctic tit for tat"

Most parties in the Storting appear content with — or at worst apathetic about — the Norwegian Coast Guard's visit to Franz Josef Land. Many Norwegians on social media have likewise praised the Coast Guard for its actions in terms such as "giving Russia a taste of its own medicine."

Other parties, organizations and private individuals in Norway sharply criticize the stunt, however.

The Red Party and Socialist Left released a joint statement on Thursday the 12th demanding an end to what they describe as an "Arctic tit for tat". Other left-wing organizations in Norway have also expressed concerns with the stunt, as have select members of other parliamentary parties.

Likewise, a statement condemning the Svalbard's visit to Franz Josef Land, but openly endorsing Russia's own actions in Svalbard, has been released by the Peace & Justice Party — a party recently involved in a scandal surrounding its campaign posters, which were paid for by a businessowner with ties to Russia.

The Peace & Justice Party's statement on the Svalbard has been described as "pro-Russian apologia" by detractors, who often characterize the party as an attempt by Russia to influence Norway's coming parliamentary election.

"Borders are key"

A number of Sámi activists have also expressed concerns with what they perceive as Norway's escalation of Arctic tensions. Niillas A. Somby (76) points out that a breakdown in Russo-Norwegian relations over territories north of the 71st parallel will also impact territories south of the parallel — and will particularly impact Sámi people.

Sápmi, the traditional homeland of the Sámi people, is split between Norway, Russia, Sweden and Finland. Sámi activists point out that stricter border regulations between Russia, Finland and Norway as a result of increased tensions, may break apart Sámi families, or hinder Sámi people's use of their own traditional lands for purposes such as fishing and reindeer herding.

—"The issue of borders is key for a people split between several different countries. Anything that strengthens the border weakens us," Somby says, and adds,

—"The worst potential outcome of these escalations is a war between Russia and Norway. In that case we'll see brother against brother here: Russian Sámi and Norwegian Sámi conscripted into opposing armies, to fight each other in a war they had no say in, in their own homeland they have no say over."


!!! THE EVENTS OF THIS ARTICLE DID NOT ACTUALLY HAPPEN. THIS IS AN EXERCISE TO WRITE BELIEVABLY ABOUT FICTIONAL EVENTS. THIS IS FAKE NEWS. !!!

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LOS ANGELES—Responding to escalating clashes between civilian activists and militarized immigration authorities, Los Angeles Mayor Karen Bass publicly urged protesters Monday not to give the Trump administration any pretext for what they’re already doing and will keep doing no matter what. “Angelenos—don’t engage in violence and give the administration an excuse to inflict all the damage they have been inflicting carte blanche for months on end,” said Bass, adding that Trump and his team are just looking for a reason to respond with violence, as they would have done whether or not any of this happened. “Don’t fan the flame that has been fanned behind the scenes at the White House since day one of Trump’s term in office. You wouldn’t want them to start abducting people in broad daylight and deporting them, would you? No, so let’s not become scapegoats for the horrific violations of civil liberties that would have eventually landed at our doorstep regardless.” At press time, Bass warned that Trump was using the actions of protesters to justify sending in the National Guard that had been pre-deployed to the conflict days before it even began.

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The president called up his greatest man on the team, Operator Dan Bongos, and laid at his feet the task, capture the most wanted man in the world and bring him to justice. The raid took place in the early hours of June 5th 2025 in the mountains of Afghanistan where Musk was hiding out in a fortress once used by his hero Osama Bin Laden.

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Live footage of the cardinal voting ceremonial smoke:

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This is a developing story.

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