I saw some old friends yesterday, which was wonderful, it was great to catch up. The thing was I'm not out to them. I meant to come out, but I just like never found the right time. So I boymoder, kind of. It was like a questionable boymode where I had my hair down and women's skinny jeans and my nails are painted purple.

I think they knew something was up, because several of them kept mentioning random trans people that they knew, just like randomly. I started doing it to, and we basically had this weird conversation about transness while I sat there sweating. Also, at one point, my friend looked at me and said "you look a lot brighter recently also, i like your earrings btw". i didn't know how to respond to that and was very awkward.

This is fucking embarrassing. Why didn't I just come out? Wtf

gonna have a meet with the doctor, early next week, in which i get to hear if i'm sufficently trans or if they want to push me to another psychiatrist with the waiting list being a year long

fuck do i hate all these loops, you give me my fucking hormones, you fuckers!

Been back on the baking adventure this week and now I'm super bloated today but its helping me reach a higher stage of gender? Idk I just look more pregnant than anything and its making me really euphoric.

being involved with other trans women recently has been incredibly affirming for my own gender as a trans woman. almost no dysphoria from it and its all affirming and enjoyable. feels great to be really treated like a woman.

I made a new friend IRL and the vibes are super comfy and supportive! I’ve been feeling a bit lonely lately so this is really brightening up my week

What is yalls advice on looking a bit more androgynous? I don't really vibe with my appearance and need to improve it anyway. I'm a man, kinda a big one too. I don't like long hair.

Edit: I should have said this before, but I want to be subtle.

I've only been on progesterone for two weeks and i could swear my boobs are already growing.

trans rights!

Shout out to my trans comrades. Idk why all the cutest people come from Transylvania, but they have a dope flag.

Edit: woah holy crap!

i'm reading independently published transgender fiction and having a fantastic time

read unjust depths, one of the first things that happens in it is the main character (as much as it has has a main character given how much of an ensemble story it is) taking her estrogen and then having sex with her wife. this establishes very quickly that ~60-70% of the main cast are trans and all of them are gay unless proven otherwise. written by a trans woman (or i wouldn't recommend it here)

and then they go out to try and spark communist revolutions within the imperial hegemon and write theory and expose people who have had shitty lives to how it works under communism and how they aren't going to be ground to dust like they were under capitalism and they start to cry. homa queen of my heart along with like 20 other women in this good webnovel. it's free! no ads! read it!

I have so much dark goddamn hair and I just can’t keep up with removing it. Makes me feel like it’s pointless and I shouldn’t bother.

I ordered a skirt. Also some more androgynous clothes that I'm brave enough to actually wear outside, but I'm still most excited about the skirt.

After watching several hours of mtf make-up tutorials I also got some make-up basics I can try playing around with, but not that much because so much of it is absurdly expensive, and I don't know what suits me yet.

god dammit, I didn't see this and made a separate thread for this. it's a really well-written deep-dive into the weird shit that goes on inside the heads of repressed trans people. take your hormones - they're wonder drugs, the true panacea.

officially trans, baybeeeeeeee!!!

only took the fuckers a year and a half, and i still have to wait 3 months to get my hormones but goddamn i almost cried, still might tbh

going to open a bottle of the good havana club today

So interesting to be at the stage I'm in where labels don't really help anymore? I'm coming up on 2 years since I came out and just. I'm nonbinary and genderfluid and a million other things but I don't really vibe with those labels so it's all kind of whatever. The last label I really vibed with in a way that was helpful and clarifying was butch, and it feels like everything else gets encompassed by that.

The genderfluidity is weird though, I've realized it's very very tied to my monthly cycle. Like for a week to a week and a half surrounding my period, I suddenly feel like a different person, and a much more fem person at that. Helpful for knowing when it's a good idea to take some prog, though lol. But it was really really disorienting when it started happening, it made me doubt EVERYTHING I'd started to figure out about myself

Oh also bottom dysphoria is really really kicking my ass lately. I wish the bottom surgery process wasn't so long. At least my therapist was able to get me my first letter, but I'm really making no progress in the other parts, I'm still on a waitlist just to see a PCP

bit of a rant but i hate how every time i mention that i’d prefer to have authority and control over my body without having to convince a team of psychologists that i’m trans (plus another psychiatrist for a second opinion), i get told how good it is they’re being so thorough.

i can enlist in the fucking army and get my entire face tattooed with less hurdles, but getting access to the care i know i need to not rot away in dysphoria? think about all the confused cis people demanding hormones en masse!! either that or they’re not convinced i’m trans bc “there weren’t any signs!”

I just figured out that I am trans, and now I need to figure out how to tell someone IRL.

Coming through a week of PMDD, still a bit nauseous but mood is maybe improving, starting to feel a little better anyhow..

Wish I could say "fuck it" and just come out and start transitioning asap.

Life is torment

Gonna practice voice training by reading works off Marxists.org

I was told to check in here for mod duty... Hi.