chapotraphouse

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I'm not Sinophobic or anything but when I think of China it scares me so much I flop over on my back like an opossum so the CCP believes I'm dead (hexbear.net)

submitted 2 years ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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I will lay there on the ground with my belly exposed and my mouth open until the CCP loses mental interest in me. Sometimes multiple times per day. Why do they keep doing this to me?

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Mao once hit me over the head with an abacus and all the beads came out and I slipped on them Home Alone style and then he laughed.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Any time I see a tunnel I have to pull over and inspect it to make sure Xi Jinping didn't paint it on a mountain to trick me so that he could have a big ole roast dinner. So far it's just tunnels but you never know.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Be careful with those tunnels the CCP puts trains in them train-shining

[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 years ago (1 children)

If you think that's scary, they have the technology to drop a grand piano on your head and replace your teeth with keys playing a jingle. Anywhere.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I have nightmares about intercontinental ballistic pianos.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 years ago

I'm terrified that China is going to throw me a birthday party and when I go to blow out the candles on the cake it's dynamite.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 years ago

I spilled baked beans all over myself watching Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (Extended Edition) in theaters & Stalin shouted "this prole eating beans" & everyone laughed.