this post was submitted on 29 Sep 2023
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Did you listen to that cumtown episode or something?
Virginity is not something to be ashamed at, just don't make it a toxic identity or obsession, as with any form of malicious self-pity, it hurts you and others around you.
Having inadequate experience with romantic relationships does become an issue when you reach that age of late 20s/early 30s, as people do get suspicious or averse to committing themselves to a relationship with people who have not been in a committed relationship by the time they're 30 or older.
Not because of sexual inadequacy but because of a lack of experience with emotional intimacy and emotional reciprocity.
Counterpoint, my current girlfriend (and probably future wife at this point) was a 26 year old virgin when I met her, who at that point had been on maybe three dates and had never been in a relationship. She's by far the most emotionally well-adjusted partner I've had, and the one who has best been able to meet my emotional needs.
Anybody worth being with at all will recognize that a lack of romantic experience in no way precludes one from being a good partner. Only not being a good person can do that.
It does not make it impossible but proper communication of potentially sensitive topics, conscious reciprocity, and understanding why specifically certain things they do make you feel a certain way are all practiced talents. Some people are naturals at all sorts of things and are good at it by default, but if you're trying to figure out if you want to date somebody or not, it's as good of an indicator as any. Lastly, you can absolutely be a good person and a bad romantic partner. People aren't primarily attracted to virtue, and virtue does not make you good at communication.
All true. I guess my point was that nobody can make absolute statements about love and romance and intimacy, and that even experience or a lack thereof is no guarantor of skill one way or another. But true, not everyone is a natural, nor is it reasonable to expect potential romantic partners to be able to sus that out when they have nothing else to go on.
Ah well, guess I'm permanently damaged goods now.
This comment made me feel worse and more worried now.