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The original was posted on /r/nostupidquestions by /u/shwonkles_ur_donkles on 2023-09-26 01:26:29.
This is a long post but please bear with me. I really need actual advice here.
Some background, I've been staying at my moms on and off the last few years, and in that time I've made conversation quite often with her neighbour's while I smoke in the backyard. One of them is an elderly lady named "Beth"
I'll be honest, I didn't always like "Beth". Which is absurd to me now, she's just a kind lady in general and my dislike was over something I can't even remember. To be clear, I was never rude to her, or unkind, I just adamantly avoided her seeing me for months so I didn't have to engage in conversation.
I got over it, stopped avoiding her and went back to being my pleasant-ish self. I moved away for a while, and came back about a month ago.
Her husband passed away about 2 six years ago, and her closest relative is her son in Bend. I try to make a special effort to be nice to her and try to lift her spirits, I know life is difficult for her right now. She talks about dying a lot, and how she's just waiting to go see her husband. I can't even tell her that she shouldn't feel that way, because they would be empty words. She isn't nihilistic, she's lived her life and she's happy with what she's done. She's content to keep on keeping on, but she knows she doesn't have much left to do in this world.
It breaks my heart. She really feels like she has nobody, and aside from my mom and I it seems true. Her son recently told her he wont be coming down to see her again before she passes, and I don't think he's going to be coming to the funeral either. It's because she doesn't want him or his wife drinking beer in the house.
Her cars been dying alot the last few days (she keeps leaving her headlights on), and her phone hasn't been working. I've been coming over to get the car started and chat, I'm trying to help her feel less alone.
Now here's where I need advice. She keeps bringing up, both to my mom and myself, that she wants to pay me for my help, and for gas money from me running to get her groceries. The stores just down the road, less than a mile, and I only went once. So I definitely don't need gas money. I planned to just keep casually telling her that it was okay until she forgot or I moved out again.
But today it got more complicated. Her car died again, and I said I'd go see if we still had the slow charger for the battery. She brought up paying me again, and I said it was okay again, the usual. She firmly told me "No, that's not the way I do things. I want to pay you" I tried to gently say I didn't want to accept it, that I wasn't doing anything for money, I just want to help her.
She waved it way, and said she was going to give it to me. She then went on to say she wants my girlfriend and I to come over soon and "pick out a few things we want so she can put my name on them"
This makes me really uncomfortable. I'm aware she's going to pass away, but I don't want her to. And back to the beginning, I still feel horrible for the wierd grudge I held against her for no reason. I don't feel like I deserve anything, and also, to reiterate, I have no interest in being payed back for the little bit of help I've giver her. It doesn't feel right. How do I tell her that? How do I handle this situation?