Intersex folks definitely have it hard, in a lot of ways harder than the rest of us. Depending on where you live, there may be affirming providers in your area if you know where to look. Please DM me if you need help looking in your area.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this. It's hard enough to have to seek out medical care frequently, and it's 10x worse when your identity and needs are ignored. I hope you can find a provider that can provide the kind of care you need.
My mom said a lot of the same things, including the "you'll always be my deadname".
Honestly, I think in a way that statement is supposed to be comforting from her point of view (not trying to defend it, just giving context to her ignorance).
It's hard with family when you know it's an uphill battle at best. You should be proud of yourself for having the courage to do it.
Don't let their worries about your identity color how you feel - this is a big surprise for them, whereas you've probably spent a lot of time thinking and agonizing about this. You, your feelings, and your identity are valid, regardless of what they are.
I transitioned 5 years ago, publicly now for 4 years - I still have doubts sometimes! It's natural for any really big life decisions! But those doubts come less and less often, and that sense of euphoria and contentment is much more common for me these days.
Take a breath, take it slow, focus on your safety, and reach out if you need help or support.
And, as the ancient saying among our people goes, "You got this!"
Please DM if you need help getting started or finding resources in your area.
Definitely safety first! In order to live our lives as our best selves, we need to be healthy and safe, which cane be really hard to balance when the people around you aren't supportive.
Depending on your skin tone and the color of your body hair, laser can be very effective for large areas for (relatively) cheaper.
Pale skin and dark hair have the best results with laser. The closer your hair color to skin color, the less effective it is, although newer lasers are getting better at doing darker skin tones in general.
If you're willing to travel to Chicago, U Chicago has an amazing program and seems to have much shorter waiting lists. (One of their two main surgeons was Dr. Schecters colleague for many years). Don't get me wrong, Rush is great, I had my top surgery there. But I heard it's over a year just to get a consult right now
Your feelings and concerns are valid, and while being trans isn't a choice, going through with transitioning is. And transitioning is a lot! Especially if you don't have a really supportive family.
As far as results- it takes time, and the hormones are only part of it. If your goal is to pass, there are lots of other things that will help with that - in my experience, voice being the most important. But even learning how to do your makeup, style your hair, and wear clothes for your body shape will help look more 'natural'.
And yeah, it would be nice to wake up and be a k pop idol, and guess what? Cis girls feel like that too! There are insane, unrealistic standards applied to women's beauty.
As you think about it, just ask yourself what will make you happy? What will allow you to be the best version of yourself? For some of us it's transitioning, for others it's finding ways to express our gender in ways that feel safe and comfortable. And while it's important to consider your partner and her feelings, in the end it's your life and your decision.
Lastly, I just want to say its really normal to feel a lot of anxiety about this, especially at the start. It's a big change, and a long, difficult journey, and we don't know the exact destination until we get there. I hope you can make a choice that will help you find peace. If you have any questions about the process itself or what to expect, I would be happy to talk more.
It might be too much butter, but I think you're also light on flour. If you're using cups, make sure you scoop it a little over-full and then level it off. You can also try measuring if you have a kitchen scale.
It's actually a very good strategy to come out to people a little outside your main circle before coming out to the people closest to you. It's like a dry run, and if they aren't accepting, it's not quite as hard as it can be with close friends and family.
It sounds like your mum might have an idea you are somewhere in the lgbtq umbrella, and it sounds like your sisters either won't care or will be supportive.
Coming out to ANYONE is a big deal, and you should be proud of yourself for that. It's a process, it takes time for some of us.
When you think you're ready, figure out one family member you feel is the most likely to be accepting, and go from there.
The only caveat is if you might get kicked out or otherwise cut off financially, if you rely on them. Safety is the #1 priority at all times.
Good luck! You got this 🏳️⚧️
Bradley Nowell. Sublime was so good, and none of the bands that have followed in their style have had the same lyricism that Nowell had, or have been able to really blend genres like they did to make something completely unique.
Such a unique talent. Knowing he died of a heart attack on stage adds a whole other dimension to "Do not go quietly unto your grave"
For the first time, I am content. It's honestly a wild feeling - less then a decade ago I was about a half step from homeless and an opioid user. Now I've successfully transitioned, gotten my dream job, and have a super cute fat kitty. And I just got a message from what seems like a genuinely decent guy who I'm meeting for coffee.
It's fucking wild. Every day I just appreciate all the small things so much. It's really made me refocus my goal to try to help people as much as I can now.
Rootin for yall. I hope everyone gets to feel this way.