hazl

joined 5 months ago
[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 hours ago

World building and character development add value exponentially. The only way I can commit to any long form media is if I feel like I'm going to have the chance to really immerse myself in the world and sympathise with the characters. If anything, my preference for a series over a movie stems from the anxiety of wasting 2 hours on something underdeveloped. It seems better to invest a movie's worth of time just setting up a premise that I can then truly enjoy over several more hours of story telling in a world that feels real and complex.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

The prospect of leaving behind a man's corpse if I were to die now.

[–] [email protected] 33 points 11 hours ago

Hmmmm this post was obviously directed at me specifically and is supposed to imply that I have poor reading comprehension and humiliate me in front of all my fellow lemmings.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 12 hours ago

But muh puddles! Night City is nothing without those gorgeous, mirror–like puddles.

[–] [email protected] 48 points 17 hours ago (2 children)

Maximise your RTX performance with this one crazy hack!

Ray traced reflections: on
Ray traced everything else: off

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 day ago

cute and funny

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago

Ooh boy, a billion children are about to have a rough night.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Cool. Yet another thread where all the versions of myself have spoken before I even got here.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 days ago (1 children)

My parents have a spoon that's shaped a bit like a cockle shell. I noticed this at 4 years old, and I remember my mother tempting me to eat things by offering it with "the shell spoon". I obliged when she did this, not because I was tempted by the shell spoon, but because it made me feel a certain way each time she offered. Not quite an appreciation of her thoughtfulness, but rather the dread of a tragic scenario in which she was unable to tempt me with an object she thought I liked. And the truth is that I didn't really like it. The edges of the shell were very sharp, so each mouthful felt like dragging two dull blades across my lips.

I would never let on that I didn't like the spoon, because I couldn't bear the thought of her feeling like she had failed me. The dreams in which my mother tried but failed to rescue me from various perilous situations were distressing enough. In my desperation to assure her that the ways she expressed love hadn't gone unnoticed, I did all sorts of things I didn't much want to, and feigned enthusiasm for things I considered banal.

To this day, when I open my parents' cutlery drawer and see that spoon, my heart sinks. No one will ever use it, I get sad every time I look at it, but I can't bear the thought of anyone throwing it away.

There is nothing emotionally healthy about the shell spoon.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

Phone does a bling.
omg reply from Smorty!
Heart does a massive backflip
oh shit did I say something stupid?
Comment describes me as confident
o no that's a nice way of saying I'm a stuck–up arrogant biiiitch... noooooo

And that ^^ is how confident I am. Honestly though, I understand realface isn't the norm around here, and it's only because of a personal goal to become more comfortable being seen that I do so myself. Plus every time I change it, it's because I've become so disgusted and ashamed of the last one that I just have to.

Anyway I do respect your decision to never reveal a true face, but for what it's worth, providing that picture of Ash as a reference does nothing to rebuff the insinuation that you are very cute.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 days ago

I like how the video title subtly corrects the article title. "Okay, first of all, it was just his body that dissolved, so jot that down."

 

HRT day 17.

I always wanted to be more social. I cared about people, wanted to know them more deeply, and wanted them to know me. I just never enjoyed the experience because I felt that the time people spent on me was an arduous act of charity that they endured for my sake, out of politeness and perhaps pity. I therefore kept to myself, unintentionally presented a pretty hard exterior that made me seem abrasive and antisocial, and spent nights wishing I could be closer to people around me. I was ashamed of who I was, and ultimately faded out of the lives of everyone I met sooner or later, once I felt I'd revealed too much of myself to put them through any more. It was lonely, and worst of all, many of these people continued trying to reach out while I sequestered myself and waited for the guilt to subside.

Short of growing breasts and marked shifts in fat distribution that I likely won't see for many months, I can never be sure what's an estrogen thing, what's a placebo thing, and what's just a good mood, but the last few days have been an unprecedented shift in my overall outlook. I talk honestly with people. I opened up to my mother about deeply personal things that I've kept guarded for decades. I message people just to ask if they're doing okay and if they want to catch up over coffee some time, and without even cringing at myself for doing so.

Today I've been thinking a lot about how remarkable it is to simply feel like I'm allowed to exist in the world, and allowed to be part of other people's lives. This isn't me. Except it is, and I hope it stays this way forever.

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