I am like 5'10 and I am almost 200lbs so I am pretty overweight and last time I checked my BMI. I was like tipping on the edge of obese but here's the thing, I don't have like fat legs or anything, its just my stomach that's like fat where its showing the fat the most. I choose to be a software engineer, for approaching women, I tend to ask them more so in settings of shared interests. Like I'd ask questions about them and the things they like where I'd relate to things they said. I tend to be a very curious person so I'd really like to know them in general like their interests and about them in general. I am not really talkative irl and I feel that I am pretty boring because I can be pretty quiet because I am listening to them more which I like to do and its hard to keep the conversation going when you run of stuff to talk about. I don't talk for the sake of talking but to really you know get to know of them i guess if that provides you with enough info about what am I doing
alphapro784
Okay, well here's the alternative. This is something I don't expect anyone to understand but its okay. My parents and my family in general are very very conservative (basically I grew up Muslim) and I am not a practicing Muslim anymore because my values don't align with each other. So its just me now even though I do talk to my family and everything where we keep everything cordial. Its just that they're forcing me to marry someone of my ethnicity with someone who THEY like not me. I know the obvious for some is to stand your ground to which I do and every time they talk about my marriage I do stand my ground. It sounds as a man like yay I don't have make so much effort just to get married or anything but for me I care about my values more. I am very left-wing and liberal also pretty much westernized as I felt at home more in the US that I ever did in my life tbh.
This is why I am just so stressed about marriage and dating too. Cause if I did find someone, at least my family could back off and they'll realize that I have my own life here and there's nothing they can do so they'll accept it. But right now they know that I am trying to date an American woman who I get along much more its just me idk and they're trying to stop that by getting me married to someone they so I can conform to their liking and to the culture I grew up hating so much because I felt like an outsider tbh.
Yeah I am being way too hard on myself as my other comment replies show me that. I'm happy to hear that you've made it (gives me some hope lol) and I agree that the journey of self-improvement is thankless. I do have a good of friends that I can rely on its just making this post here can help me hear this or even read this when I'm feeling down. I know that having a partner isn't something necessary to make me happy. I guess for me its just I am very prone to making comparisons to everyone else and how I am an immigrant to the US has skewed my perception even more so it just you know hits harder I guess when I am unconsciously making comparisons.
Thanks for saying that, I appreciate you highlighting the positives of me. You're right when it comes to confidence, its just that I do hard things that people don't do because its just I wanted to prove that I am worthy for love and relationships. I do try to work on my confidence my trying to validate myself internally (that's why I have like positive affirmations notes with me all times and Marcus Aurelius famous quote of you having power over your mind).
Its still a work in progress but its just I crave for love so much and honestly this is something I just can't help but blame my own weight because women tend to like slimmer men even if there are women who like chubbier or even don't care about your weight. But the reality has been in my experience been that they do prefer men who are athletic or at least who look good but when you're not that its been a vicious cycle for me where to cope for rejection I'd just turn to eating more as a coping mechanism or a stress reliever. I do hope that women are more open minded and I do hope I am wrong about that. Again, thanks for your comment I appreciate you saying that.
Yeah, I see what you're saying. Its just that the reason why I've said as a man is because both men and women live their lives so differently like in terms of dating (I am generalizing here and I could be wrong), women tend to get approached often by men so they sometimes don't have to do much except for filtering out the men who just want sex versus the one who they want long-term wise. For men, they tend to have to make the first approach often in order for them to get noticed.
I'm saying this generally and yeah its just this is also just me I do think of women as friends first cause I want to also so see how whether or not our values align together or not. Women are people too I realize that, its just hard when a lot of other men are doing the same thing and its hard not to feel behind in this rat race lol even tho it isn't but sometimes it feels like it when there is someone you're interested in and they like someone else or that they're not looking to date or anything. Sorry for the rambling its just I'm frustrated with it and if I feel like I stop looking for someone, no one is going to come to me if that makes sense and I'm just you know alone with my thoughts.
No you're fine, I appreciate what you're trying to tell me and I definitely will try to follow what you've said. I'm curious though as how would you try to watch your diet? I have a really really bad food control cause food has been my stress reliever and how can one be consistent in having smaller portions? Like for me, I tried to really eat a smaller portion but its just that I end eating bigger portions because idk I feel depressed and I'd just be thinking of the food more than the goals I'd like to achieve if that makes sense
I agree, it is definitely skewing how I perceive the age vs relationship when I see a lot of people who've been in relationships multiple times before they hit 25 when I moved to the US when I was like 19. Other things that could be skewing how I perceive is how I think I look which is another reason why I am trying to lose weight as well. Thank you for your reply tho, I really appreciate it.
If that's the case then that makes sense. Its just that if I stop going out there, I said in my other comment that no one will come to be or I'm just you know alone but not in a good way. There is nothing wrong with being alone but for me its that my family is really forcing me to get married to someone they like and things I value are very different from what the girl my family wants me to marry. I know its fucked up but here we are.