Late 20s to early 30s. It was during lockdowns when I wasn't interacting with irl society much - work was all remote, and all my interactions were online. I quickly realized that when I removed the pressure of having to conform to what I thought was expected of me, I was actually a completely different person. I started interacting with more queer people, especially trans individuals, and realized that there were a lot of parallels with how they felt about gender and all the other constructs of society which never really made sense to me. Honestly, I meant sooo many when I started FFXIV.
The idea that I could decide how I wanted to identify and be perceived by people never really occurred to me.
I had always disliked a lot of aspects about myself and tried to be as much of a ghost as possible. It rarely felt like I was living for me. As I slowly started to explore the things I truly liked - cute things, pink things, and soft things - I noticed my views of life started to brighten. I felt more excited about the things I was surrounding myself with, and I noticed people were interacting with me in a friendlier and warmer way. As I started to shine brighter, people around me started to shine brighter, too!
All that said - why didn’t I just lean into identifying as NB or just fully ignore gender as a whole? I did initially, but about those things which I didn’t like about myself - so many happened to be T driven. Thick body and facial hair- no thank you, thick/rough/acne prone skin- please go, body composition- wasn’t really liking how it fit in the dresses/skirts I wanted to wear, overall mindset and emotions (this changed a lot), etc. Obviously, all these things have taken time and additional effort, but it all feels so fulfilling.
I was initially worried about how people in my life would react/treat me, but I decided to start always putting my own feelings and desires first... no one else was going to. I will acknowledge that it's bit easier for me to do that- my circle is incredibly small, I’ve been single for 5-6 years, I was working remotely, and I kind of rarely leave my home.
My question to people - if you had an irl character creator, how would you design yourself? How would you choose to move in the world if there were no expectations?
I'm super into skincare and have tried many different moisturizers. These are the ones I'm currently using and love them 🩷
Face (though you can use the big tub for body, too):
Body:
I use two different ones on my body, depending on the area.
The creams will sit on your skin until they are absorbed, but they leave skin hydrated for 48-72 hours.
For more lightweight ones (also more affordable) - Face:
Body:
I recommend buying the smaller sizes to start so that you can gauge your reactions to them. Good luck!!