Pherenike

So I watched 'No Other Land' last night. I didn't see anything new in it necessarily, but it's a brilliant documentary that everybody should watch.

I feel so sad, so disgustingly deceived, so sick of all the propaganda around me.

How/where do you find hope?

I mean it's all just business innit?

My father insists on a version of past events that is not true, where he supposedly helped me pay off debt when in reality I paid it off by working FOR YEARS. He doesn't say it as something he's proud of, but something I owe him and haven't "thanked" him for (?). He is extremely stubborn and old enough to definitely not remember things well.
He does this kind of thing with my siblings as well and it's come to the point where we feel that all we really were for our father was a money burden, be it true or not that he helped us financially at some point. How can I come to terms with the fact that he's not gonna acknowledge the truth no matter how many times I explain it to him, despite the anger and frustration I feel towards him for claiming something he actually DIDN'T do for his kid while minimizing my own work and effort?

I fear I might have killed my starter by using a spoon fresh off the dishwasher to mix in one of the last feedings. I have fed it twice after that and it won't grow or bubble up or... like, budge. Three days have passed. Should I throw it out?