Well, you're reading it wrong. It's latin, like magna cum laude. It basically means "with."
Pandemanium
It's the way people keep bringing it up. Like my mom, who I'm pretty sure doesn't even know anyone who is autistic. But she continually wonders why there are "so many of them now," as if it's a problem. She doesn't consistently bring up any other societal issues such as, why are there so many traffic accidents or increases in cancer diagnoses (although she does bring up increased crime even though it hasn't actually increased). I just can't fathom why she worries so much about autism when her life isn't affected by it whatsoever.
I'm sorry but after the details OP shared, the chance of this happening are close to zero.
"...whenever I try to say something that I think will make him proud, I always leave disappointed telling myself "never try again".
I know exactly how that feels, and OP has likely been trying for more than 20 years. Plugging emotional quarters into a slot machine that never pays out. Talking to a brick wall feels better than trying to connect with a parent like this. At some point you just have to accept you didn't get what you needed from them and you won't, ever. It's not a matter of you trying hard enough. The parent just isn't capable of that emotional connection.
And to OP, I haven't figured out how to not let it affect me either. You could look into trying to reparent yourself, though that only goes so far. I think looking for healthy male role models in spaces like this or IRL is also a good step. If you haven't read the book "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" I recommend it.
If the media can report on Trump's incoherent rantings and make that sound like anything more than hot garbage, then they can absolutely do the same for protesters with varying causes, who are nowhere near as incoherent.