Really, really not in a great place right now and I'm not sure what to do.
KittyBobo
More computer errors should just give common solutions along with the error. A program needed a dependency but that dependency doesn't install automatically. Fair enough, but how was I supposed to know. I want a little clown to pop up at the corner of my screen and say "Hyuck hyuck!" and tell me where to click.
I think emojis are my autistic special interest. I love looking at emojis, and researching what meanings people ascribe to emojis in certain contexts, and looking up what new emojis they'll add, and making little pictographic stories with emojis. Emojis are neat and it kind of pairs with my font obsession I've had since I was a kid just downloading new fonts to look at and not even install sometimes because I just liked looking at them.
It sucks because I know it could be worse, I've lived through worse and I have to walk by a homeless camp ever day to work like a too-on-the-nose reminder of what will happen if I ever stop working no matter how bad things get. It's dehumanizing, it wears down on the fucking soul and I think a lot of people, even in leftie spaces, really do not get quite how low it can get. Because think about it. Whose stories do you hear about? It's always the people who were in a rough spot, but hey y'know what they dug themselves out eventually with hard work and a will to survive! But why don't you ever hear about the people who didn't make it out? Oh. Right. They're not around to tell their story.
I'm in a similar situation and I think if you're "freaking out and skipping work" then I want you to know it's not your fault and you shouldn't feel bad that you're going through such a rough time with so little help that you snap like that. I don't know what the answer is when mental health issues are keeping you from functioning and you can't get any help that isn't just "pick yourself up by your bootstraps", or the same sentiment but worded more nicely, "drink water and take it one day a at a time". I know for me I'm tried of being told to take baby steps when I'm trying to tell people I just can't even do that sometimes, I can't just will myself to feel better and do better. I don't want to be depressing but honestly I don't think there is a "winning strategy", it's a fucking joke that anyone should have to go through this. But I hope you can get assistance, sorry for hijacking your post for my rant.
Let me know if that went through