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I'm not sure I understand why I shouldn't be alone with a psychiatrist? Beyond that, I'm in crisis. I'm extremely suicidal and self-destructive, and I need to be stabilized. That's exactly what these facilities are for: stabilization. To prevent me from hurting or killing myself until enough intervention can be done to get me to a place where I'm able to recover. I have a support plan in place for after discharge already. I worked through planning that today with my therapist. I don't really understand what you mean by finding a community. I'm involved in communities already, or is there something specific that you're implying?

I've made a plan to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital with my therapist. The main point of this post was to hear experiences from other trans women who have been admitted before, either voluntarily (like myself), or involuntarily, and to mentally prepare myself to face the things that have been giving me anxiety about being admitted (as detailed in the post).

Thank you for your detailed response! I didn't get into depth in the post because it wasn't what I was looking for, but I have been actively suicidal for over a week now, and things have only gotten worse and worse. I understand it's a place where all my privileges are lost, and honestly, that's what I need. I already have a go bag of non-restricted items ready to go. I'm not able to work, I'm not able to take care of myself, I'm relapsing on nicotine, alcohol, and cannabis (which I was sober from since New Year's Day 2024), and I don't feel safe in my own home (transphobic parents who were severely abusive in my childhood), so it isn't a place where I feel I can even recover. My medications aren't doing shit, and I'm not able to see my psychiatrist enough to get it sorted out. I think what I do need is a place where I can fall to pieces for a week. Somewhere I'm not allowed the constant addiction of my phone which only ever triggers my spirals, but never alleviates them. A place where I can be kept safe from hurting myself, because I cannot trust myself to take that job on my own shoulders anymore.

I'll need to work out insurance details (though my insurance currently has covered all my psychiatric care in full; not even a copay), and I trust my therapist to find the best place for me, and I'd trust her opinion on whether or not I should go. I've heard lots of experiences similar to yours online. Although seeing a psychiatrist can range from weekly to daily depending on facility. I'll look more into the details of stay length, and I do know I need to ask my insurance about that because they may only cover the first X days, but I do already expect it to be expensive. But being in a state where I cannot even care for myself, let alone work, has proven to already be extremely expensive in itself.

I'm not suggesting this, only explaining what I'm currently doing. I'm doing what another commenter referred to as "weight cycling". I started losing weight in December by starting a restrictive 500 calorie deficit (I calculated my daily expenditure at 1850 calories, so I ate 1350 a day). I stuck to a high protein diet to feel more full from my food. I lost from 150 to 125 over the course of 13 weeks (~2lbs/week) at 5'9". I started my HRT in January, about a month after I started my cut. About halfway through my cut, I started intermittent fasting, so 16 hours without eating each day, which helped me significantly. I did not have cheat days during my cut. I got to a point where I was fairly happy with my waist, but I still had nothing in my thighs, butt, or hips. I'd always planned to maintain for a couple weeks and start gaining again, and I have. Most of it is still going to my waist, so I will be cycling again (and probably will repeat for a long time until my body is consistently storing fat in the right places). I did start exercising halfway through; intense cardio (cycling) for 60+ minutes 4 days/week, and bodyweight abs and glutes exercises 1 day/week. After recalculating my daily expenditure, I bumped my calories up to 1800/day.

I can tell that fat distribution is going to be a struggle for awhile, but it's hard to say how long. Though I will continue weight cycling throughout my gradual journey through HRT. The reason I'm not specifically suggesting this to you is that it is very difficult to maintain the kind of discipline I had to during my cut, especially with exactly 0 cheat days. Intermittent fasting helped me significantly (and there is lots of research to back up why that is), and I'll most certainly be doing that during my future cuts. I've heard that having consistent daily calories eventually plateaus weight loss, and there is some method out there that helps you split it into different calorie limits for each day of the week that supposedly helps mitigate that? Haven't tried that myself, so I can't attest to it, though it may be useful depending on how much you're looking to lose.

Regardless of what you end up doing, I wish you the best in your journey! I know firsthand how much of a struggle it is, but we'll get there eventually!

EDIT: As a side note, I lost 5" around my waist from my cut! (Though some of that has come back now that I'm gaining again)

Moot point, as DoorDash driver accounts require a verified driver's license, comprehensive background check, and a valid bank account set up to deposit payment (though after setting up a direct deposit bank account, you can add alternative cash out options). Haven't used DoorDash in a while, but UberEats started requiring facial recognition on top of all that, so I wouldn't be surprised if that were in the DoorDash driver app, too. Hiding IP would do quite literally nothing in this scenario, as you can't create an account anonymously. Counterfeit IDs would not work as they are verified against state records. Oh, and yet another step, you have to provide proof of auto insurance, which is yet another connection to your identity.

Surveys like these do often have implicit bias, because only a small portion of people would be willing to take them when offered. For instance, phone surveys dramatically overrepresent Republicans because almost all the people who choose to complete them are quite old. Additionally, people with more extreme views are more likely to complete political surveys than people with moderate views, especially those who aren't very interested in politics. These are all biases that are difficult to account for.

Honestly, yes. I definitely agree that this is the way to go.

Regardless of the tone, the opinions he is discussing and the ways that he represents his views are inherently transphobic. He and his views are a threat to us at Blahaj Lemmy, being a space for queer folks (many of us are trans). He is also the lead developer of Lemmy, and the head admin of lemmy.ml. A statement does not have to be framed as a direct insult to be hateful and harmful, and the fact that these views of his have been persistent, along with his influence, means that he as a user is dangerous. Hence why he has been banned from this instance. The question being discussed is really if his views are reflected into the community and moderation at lemmy.ml, because that is the point at which the instance is harmful enough to defederate from. If lemmy.ml is a place where transphobia is allowed to propagate, then that is immensely harmful for us. We need to protect ourselves against transphobia.

What about !linux@programming.dev or !linux@sh.itjust.works? Those seem decently active.

The former of the two (which is also the larger of them) has 13% of the userbase, although you're correct that it does seem fairly active. I suppose that would be a decent place to migrate to if defederation were to happen, although I tend to mostly help out new users, who tend to flock to the larger community. Again, I'd figure it out if it happened, it wouldn't actually be a problem. The latter of the two I would not consider very active by comparison.

That is a minor drawback. It would be nice if they implemented ownership transfer abilities for posts and comments, though it'll probably be a while before we see that.

Yes, this is one of the grievances I had when migrating here from lemmy.world, as I have some very detailed and helpful comments I wish were easier for me to find. I'd love to see that as a feature in the future, but I wouldn't get my hopes up.

I can see how and why this would be a problem and why this should be carefully considered, that can be a poor outcome. I guess the same can be said for any defederation including the feddit.uk one. It all depends I guess on how they handle these issues going forward and also how they handle this subject overall. If a lot of the people there are "I support trans people but I don't think kids..." (you get the idea) it doesn't really do much good to federate with them. At least in my opinion.

Yes, I agree here. What I suppose I'm basically trying to say is that defederation is an extreme option, so it has to be considered carefully. If the community on ml starts to reflect transphobic views, then absolutely that would warrant defederation. But if it's a single admin, and it's otherwise being moderated to remove transphobic content, then I do think it's really difficult to determine without a lot more consideration. In most other situations, banning a single transphobic user may be sufficient. It all depends on how his views are reflected in the moderation and the content of the community as a whole. If it's resulting in transphobia, then it becomes a much more clear case. I don't have enough information to know if that is in fact the case.

Context for why they're blocked here

lemmy.blahah.zone does not allow downvotes. And the concern is moreso that some transphobic content wouldn't be moderated (based on nutomic's views), hence the burden of moderation would come down to our instance's admins, and that simply shouldn't be their responsibility. Defederation is for situations in which the instance in question is harmful to the community in the instance defederating. And if transphobia is not properly moderated, and transphobic views are allowed to spread, then that is actively harmful to lemmy.blahaj.zone.

I mean, the two big communities for me are !linux@lemmy.ml and !mechanicalkeyboards@lemmy.ml, though the latter of which isn't really active anyway so I wouldn't be sad to see it go. There isn't a suitable replacement for the Linux community elsewhere, and that's honestly what I'm most active on, but if we defeferate, I'd probably just cut my losses. Yes, it is easy for people to create new accounts, but the hassle is that you cannot transfer your comments or posts to a new account, so you lose that history (as I've had to deal with). But overall, I think most people on ml would just stop seeing posts from our instance and never think about it. It would be a small minority that would even notice, but the majority would be getting less content from diverse voices in the queer community overall. Again, it would just take a lot of consideration.