sadposting about dysphoria at midnight
I remember high school being an extremely difficult time for me because although i was absolutely drowning in the dysphoria, I hadn't the single faintest clue what that emotion was. All I knew was that it stung in a way that I could never even imagine something could hurt me
years later in the future I can look back and see just what that poor, sad egg was thinking and it's both touching and painful to look back on those memories with the confusion lifted. What that girl was feeling was intense, acute dysphoria and had no idea
sometimes the memories just flood back out of nowhere when a simple little thing triggers that memory again. Even just an ASMRtist i enjoyed listening to years ago brings some of the memories back because i thought she was so pretty and it hurt and i didn't know why
i can't really bring myself to even watch her content anymore
"uhhhhhh idk, i don't think we were playing for money. you don't need to repay me"
. i don't know if i really am all that into them. It sure would be terribly ironic right now should a strong yet gentle man ask me out out of nowhere. sure would be terribly ironic. yep. mmmmhmmmm
. I guess I'm still progressing here but damn am i tired
i think i've kind of just plateaud with the weight loss and will continue to unless i can summon up some spoons from somewhere to keep making a meaningful stab at it
as it stands now though i am totally fucking exhausted every day of the week and completely devoid of spoons
going to keep trying at it anyway though
edit: nah nevermind 195.4