half remembering the last sort of struggle session about the dunk tank, but didn't whack a mole have the same racist origins as the dunk tank?
EstraDoll
joined 1 year ago
my gender feels a little weird because though I feel like a binary trans woman with no doubt, I still feel like my gender has... idk how else to put it but "taster's notes" of maleness in there somewhere. Like I'm clearly a girl but there's a fairly noticable air of maleness in me like that coffee has taster's notes of raspberry. I joke around saying that I'm actually about 7% male which feel accurate
5 more pounds and I'll hit my cycling down goal weight of 190! 
big chungus
i think i've kind of just plateaud with the weight loss and will continue to unless i can summon up some spoons from somewhere to keep making a meaningful stab at it
as it stands now though i am totally fucking exhausted every day of the week and completely devoid of spoons 
going to keep trying at it anyway though
edit: nah nevermind 195.4 
sadposting about dysphoria at midnight
I remember high school being an extremely difficult time for me because although i was absolutely drowning in the dysphoria, I hadn't the single faintest clue what that emotion was. All I knew was that it stung in a way that I could never even imagine something could hurt me
years later in the future I can look back and see just what that poor, sad egg was thinking and it's both touching and painful to look back on those memories with the confusion lifted. What that girl was feeling was intense, acute dysphoria and had no idea
sometimes the memories just flood back out of nowhere when a simple little thing triggers that memory again. Even just an ASMRtist i enjoyed listening to years ago brings some of the memories back because i thought she was so pretty and it hurt and i didn't know why
i can't really bring myself to even watch her content anymore
going to the lesbian bar with a dog training clicker in your pocket that you occasionally use to see who looks up
if you can't take the shame, don't fuck the dane. idk what else to tell her
"Oh no 😭, I dealt into your honitsou riichi for the fourth time in a row and i ran out of point sticks. is there any other way I could possibly repay you, dadd- i mean kiryu? 🥺"
kiryu: 
"uhhhhhh idk, i don't think we were playing for money. you don't need to repay me"
response to sex
oh my god, the entire reason i read that book and why it was recommended to me is because i was mentioning to a friend having that exact same thought process of "oh my god i'm so fucking touch starved and lonely i feel like hiring a prostitute just to do basic physical affection shit" and then she replied " hey i think you should read this" and then my egg cracked like 3 days later
I could easily take 100 femboys in both senses of the word "take"
my memory did not serve me well today. oh well