yeah... I'm just not handling the sobriety well right now. I've just been super irritable and anxious recently and taking it out by setting unrealistic dieting goals and getting mad at natural weight fluctuations
EstraDoll
joined 1 year ago
weight cycling venting, dysphoria venting
i swear to god i ate fucking nothing but 1 real meal yesterday and i still somehow gained like 5 goddamn pounds from it i am fucking screaming here how come weight cycling is so fucking hard get this ugly fucking man gut off my fucking waist i am fucking screaming please just let me feel kind of pretty for fucking once. please let me feel kind of thin. my goals are so modest yet so seemingly unfucking attainable
found a block of tofu in my fridge that i completely forgot about. still good. this was my actual reaction
substance abuse void screaming
at this point sobriety feels like a bigger problem than my drinking ever was. my weight loss has plateaued hard and i don't know what the fuck do do anymore. i can't solve this by drinking and i can't solve this by being sober what the actual FUCK am i supposed to do here i feel like clawing my goddamn eyes out
reading all of kapital to figure out where the fuck it says that the chef wearing black latex gloves means my cheeseburger costs an extra $8
yeah, I've just been completely and utterly devoid of spoons recently. Big mood on not really feeling satisfied with video games but that's been less me wanting to be productive and me just not feeling the same playing video games. Last night I just killed a bunch of time staring at my screen because I was out of spoons but video games felt dreadfully boring to me
as for the weight loss? Intermittent fasting. I pretty reflexively dismiss anything that feels like a fad diet but it fuckin works, I don't know what else to tell you. I did it by just not eating anything after 1 PM on days that I work, because that's when I start working, and it made it easier to not eat due to there being no easily available food for me to just much on, unlike home, but idk how you would best put that into your schedule
still, somehow, miraculously, i have not picked up the bottle this week. idk how much further i can go with this
still losing weight, i think. hovering at about 194-195 right now, still want to drop another 5 before cycling back up
just trying to get some of my precious few spoons back
too many kids today talking about the Ballad of Ho Chi Minh and not enough kids talking about the Ballot of H. R. C. 
An impending sense of dread, like you're going to die for some reason, is just textbook anxiety.
yeah that one seems to bit it
not sure if the diagnosis is just "living in the 21st century" or the fact that I've been sober for nearly 2 goddamn months now. probably both, they're both fucking devouring me right now
been stuck with this omnipresent anxiety over the last several months that something unimaginably bad is going to happen very soon now and I don't know what but I can't shake it
something bad and something global. idk what. national being trans ban? massive disease outbreak that makes covid look like the sniffles? super deadly heat wave? idk what but something very bad is going to happen very soon that will ruin or end my life and idk what anymore
COME OUT, BERNIE SANDS
COME AND FIGHT ME, YE OLD MAN