It really sucks. Using a service run by a bad actor is tantamount to supporting and condoning the actions and viewpoints of those people, even though people don't actually think that way.
Anyways, I did feel like Reddit was something special, even with all the dumb changes. I am hope Lemmy becomes a new, better home for you.
I know! Once you found a forum you loved you were IN IT. Those usernames were real people you looked forward to talking to. I think it has to do with the level of effort it takes for participation. The sparse, utilitarian all text design can be off putting. Some people just don't like to read, you know? Often times it was not easy to make an account, you had to prove you were worthy of acceptance or get an invitation. It was work. MySpace and Facebook made it effortless, and it was appealing because you could immediately talk to friends instead of building rapport with strangers. I think in the end it comes down to respect. Social media is very permissive by design, and people got away with talking garbage with no consequences. You can't just be hostile asshole around here.