And also rejection sensitivity, plus the common “ride alongs” like anxiety and depression.
this post was submitted on 26 Jun 2025
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I was just about to make a comment about anxiety. It's something I developed as an adult, which coincides with a better ability to snap out of hyperfocus. I don't know how I feel about it. On the one hand, I hate when it tries to trick me into believing something that isn't true. On the other hand, if I didn't regularly get "pings" of anxiety that make me take stock of my surroundings every so often, I'd be a lot worse at executive functioning. Pings of anxiety remind me that I have something in the oven. Pings of anxiety remind me when I'm driving that I need to pick something up at the store. Pings of anxiety remind me to water my plants.
Sometimes I want to get my anxiety treated, but I'm worried that if I do, I'd spend the whole day in la la land and never get anything done.
... or is that just my anxiety trying to trick me again?
There’s people out there with nothing happening up there?
Like tumbleweeds just gently bouncing through?
I cannot conceive of that.
Literally never identified with the no thoughts in my head meme. Like I can get obsessed with anything at the drop of a hat
I don't even think it's possible for me to have no thoughts. I thought that was a common issue with ADHD.
The only time I can recall a lack of thought was general anesthesia.
Same, that one is completely unrelatable to me. My boyfriend can do it, but we suspect it's actually dissociation, a trauma response.
I've tried to so many times "clear my mind of thought" as people say to do for meditation, but all the attempts have ever done was leave me more stressed than I was before. My brain does not shut the fuck up. Ever. I've been suffering from insomnia as far back as I can recall, all because no matter how tired I am, sometimes my brain just will. not. be. quiet. Everything is a potential stimulus. Any minor sound, the feeling of my bedsheet, even having my partner turn over could remind me of some obscure memory or story or fact, and my brain doesn't stop, it just changes direction.
Ooh, time for a real life, real time example, because that last sentence reminded me of something. I need to find a new psychologist - I tried explaining this phenomenon to him, and all he responded with was, "So, you have racing thoughts." I told him no, this isn't "racing thoughts." I had one brief episode in my life where I experienced hypomania, where ideas shot a mile a minute and could not slow down - THAT was "racing thoughts." This is merely "an unending train of thoughts" that travels at my normal speed. They are completely different experiences, with different causes, and that's crucially important for treatment. But the man just wouldn't listen, and I can't trust a doctor that doesn't listen to their patient's experiences.
Okay, pivot over, now where were we...
Same, that one is completely unrelatable to me. My boyfriend can do it, but we suspect it's actually dissociation, a trauma response.
Ding ding ding! For me, the thoughts become so pervasive/overwhelming that I either retreat completely, or get lost in the sauce. It's not uncommon for my spouse to check in on me while I'm on the toilet. "You've been in there for an hour." Zero recollection of time passing, and little to no memory of thoughts. Or I'll be in the shower, have a stray thought snag a neuron, and who knows how long later I'm still standing there holding the soap, unsure of what I've washed already, but shaken because I just mentally experienced a dozen different versions of a traumatic event that hasn't actually happened. The former is as close as I get to head empty, the latter is everything firing at once in the least productive way possible.
I've tried to so many times "clear my mind of thought" as people say to do for meditation, but all the attempts have ever done was leave me more stressed than I was before. My brain does not shut the fuck up. Ever. I've been suffering from insomnia as far back as I can recall, all because no matter how tired I am, sometimes my brain just will. not. be. quiet. Everything is a potential stimulus. Any minor sound, the feeling of my bedsheet, even having my partner turn over could remind me of some obscure memory or story or fact, and my brain doesn't stop, it just changes direction.
Loud and clear. For meditation, I've found that guided works better for me. And instead of "clearing my head" (ha), concentrating on abstract visualizations related to the guidance helps. For sleep, I have to break all of the "rules." Have something to concentrate on like a game, video, or book until I feel like I'm "ready." (Like dropping the phone or controller.) And then have music playing low to take my attention as I fall asleep. Without it, as you said, any little stimulus is enough to send things into overdrive and undo any sleepiness. Doubly so if the stimulus leads to anxiety.
Also, fuck doctors that won't listen. And double-fuck those that insist on trying to cram everything into boxes that they're familiar with, to the exclusion of maybe just MAYBE the person living through the experience has a better read on said experience than you do.
For sleep, I have to break all of the “rules.” Have something to concentrate on like a game, video, or book until I feel like I’m “ready.” (Like dropping the phone or controller.)
I am exactly the same. I do switch gears, though. I have to stop using Lemmy when I get into bed - it's too engaging. Instead I find some Wikipedia page that beckons imagery that I can use to fall asleep to, like reading about Roman aqueducts, or types of ocean waves.
I don't do music for sleeping, but I do need white noise, usually provided by a fan (or at this time of year, by the window air conditioning unit.) Some of the hardest nights I've had were on road trips, staying in a motel where the AC or heat doesn't run continuously and everything else is dead silent.
The pocket depression rectangle is great for distraction noises in a pinch.
Oh yes, those experiences made me download a white noise app!
I get all but the first one. When should I expect that?
Yes except for the last one. lol
Forgive my ignorance, but isn't that how all people's brains work, except it's harder for ADHD peeps to regulate?
Pretty much every mental diagnosis that exists is a case of something completely normal which presents in too extreme (or too muted) a fashion in the given individual. The criteria for diagnosis isn't just whether you experience X, but whether X has a significant negative impact on your life.
That was my intuition, thanks!
I would say except "no thoughts, head empty" and "want to do nothing", the rest of the moods are failures to regulate.
If you can regulate, you don't get into a hyperfocus that lets you forget your own physical needs; or feel you want to do "all the things" but simultaneously none of them feels appealing/right.
None of them feel right, and you know that the thing that would is something you're forgetting. Thereby, sapping even more satisfaction from whatever it is you're currently doing — including any shred in the barbed doubt you'll be able to find the "right" thing to be doing, instead. It's more than just exhausting, it's flat-out debilitating at times.
Interesting, thanks! I'm asking because I definitely go through a lot of these, especially hyperfocus, but it doesn't feel debilitating in the way I'm sure it is for some.
Exactly. It's a matter of scale as well. The "No eat... only focus" isn't "Oh hey, I was having so much fun I'm having lunch an hour late". It's more like "I'm not sure I was even having fun, I was just FOCUSED. Now it's multiple hours past the time to eat, I'm in strong physical pain due to intense hunger and feel off balance/sick from the tanked blood sugar."
How often, how extreme, how much of it is a concious choice vs something you can't stop even if you are aware it's happening.
Much like other neurodivergences. Most symptoms will be stuff that even neurotypicals experience occasionally, which leads to "I feel sad sometimes too. Have you just tried being happy?".
Think of gentle waves vs goddam nightmare storm.
The more I learn about ADD, the more I feel concerned that maybe I should get someone to check me out.
Quick test: Do you have friends with ADHD?
More than 1? Ask them if they think you have ADHD.
More than 50% of your friends? You have ADHD.
It’s a scarily accurate meme that ADHD folks flock together.
For a more considered approach, I’d recommend getting started here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/tests/health/adhdattention-deficit-disorder-test
It’s non-comprehensive, but doesn’t require a login or email to see your results, and it gives you a starting point to talk to your doctor.
Depending on where you are in the world and how badly this is impacting you or the state of your local health system, you may want to investigate alternative diagnosis options.
In the U.S., it was a 6-month wait for a traditional psychiatrist. I resorted to an online option as my ADHD discovery coincided with long covid and depression (I needed a quick turnaround before it impacted me professionally), but there are now some chain psychiatry operations that, well, I don’t like their business model, but they offer fast turnaround if you’re willing to be a part of the enshitification of yet another profession.
Editing to add: That’s more a pointed comment at myself than anyone else. My regular doctor was not really getting my depression meds right to the point it was becoming an emergency, so I wound up with a company called LifeStance. They’re the McDonalds of mental health providers.
This is a fantastic comment with helpful information and resources.
Though what I really wanted to reply to was your first part, because my god, is it true. Colloquially, a lot of people call this "being on the same wavelength" or sharing a "vibe." Of all the people I may have called "friends" throughout my life, there are two camps - those I connected with naturally and effortlessly, and those that I felt I carried all the work in maintaining. I learned not to waste my time trying with those in the latter group - if the other person isn't trying to be friends back, they just don't want to be friends. It's better to let them go, and put the ball in their court if they ever wish to come back.
However, the friends in the former group are people I still make and maintain connections to, even now, well into my 30s. These are the ones that share, reflect, and sometimes amplify my energy (for better or for worse.) I have to spend so much time focusing at work these days, it feels really good to hang out with someone afterwards and let my mind run unleashed, knowing there's no judgement because they ride the same ADHD brain train that I do.
The internalized sense of failure because you cannot maintain friendships with (most) neurotypical people is honestly kind of a cancer until you figure it out. It’s one of the most damaging things that happened to my psyche as a result of having ADHD.
It’s one of the reasons why I so strongly advocate for everyone getting tested if they have any suspicions. The knowledge that I wasn’t wrong, and the disconnection I felt from others was not (necessarily) a result of my own failings was really freeing and lifted a lot of weight from me. I hope getting tested can help others by either preventing them from internalizing similar feelings, or giving them a path forward to working through those feelings.
In general: the symptoms will be relatable to almost anyone, but if you feel like they're strongly impacting your ability to live the life you want to live, get it checked. Even if it's not ADHD, it could be something else (like hypothyroidism).
What about somehow all of them at once?