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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-06-22 04:02:05+00:00.
I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/catwoesthrowaway
Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole
Previous BoRU by qwerty98765432101
AITA for kicking my boyfriend out over my cat?
Trigger Warnings: controlling behavior, manipulation, animal hatred
Editor's note: added the verdict and more context to this reposting BoRU as they were not in the previous BoRU
Original Post: August 22, 2021
For context, my (24F) boyfriend (30M) and I recently moved in together. It’s something we’ve been talking about, and when his lease ended he moved into my apartment.
I have a cat, Millie, who is my baby girl that I’ve had since she was a kitten. Back when my BF and I first started dating, he made the joke that if we were ever going to live together, he’d have to “get rid of that cat”, which I dismissed at the time.
When he would come over he would ignore Millie, making jokes about how cats are stuck up, how much he’s a dog person. Again, I dismissed this, bc he never acted hostile towards her. I figured it was just a preference.
When we started to get serious about moving in, he asked if I would consider giving her away, bc he didn’t like the idea of living with a cat. I almost laughed before realizing he was serious. I told him that under no circumstances would I get rid of my cat. I felt guilty about being unwilling to compromise, but he actually took it well, and reassured me that if she was this important to me, he’d get over it.
Fast forward to last night. I don’t think he realized I was in the kitchen when he came home. Millie was on the couch and I heard him go into the room and give this sigh.
Before I could call out, I heard him say “You’re so fucking worthless.”
It terrified me, because I’ve never ever heard him speak with such malice. He sounded like a different person. It was just so cold and hostile that I panicked, and rushed out there to see him looking at Millie.
Here’s where I might be the asshole. I completely freaked out. I was yelling asking what he thought he was doing talking to her like that? He jumped and I scooped Millie up and told him to leave my apartment right now.
He looked so stunned and started to argue, asking where was he supposed to go? I told him that I don’t care, he just needs to leave.
He was pissed and said he was going for a drive and slammed the door behind him. I immediately started sobbing and holding Millie. I was shaking and she could tell I was upset and kept cuddling me. She calmed me down, and later when he text asking if he could come back, I said yes.
I put Millie in the bedroom so we could talk. We were both a lot calmer, and I felt awful after he explained his side. I’ll often call Millie little names and he said he was just trying to be playfully mean too and misjudged his tone. But he said it felt awful that I chose a cat over him, and that I called it “my” apartment when it’s supposed to be our place. He told me he was constantly feeling second best to Millie, who I wouldn’t even consider rehoming, and I had thrown him out over an animal when he’s a person.
I explained to him how much he means to me, and apologized for ever making him feel like this wasn’t his home.
I think I might have overreacted, but I just don’t know. He’s my boyfriend and she’s something I keep refusing to compromise on. But I also don’t believe that he just misjudged his tone. AITA?
Verdict: Not the Asshole
Relevant / Top Comments
Commenter 1: INFO - you are aware that cats can't understand English, right?
OOP: They understand tone though. And it freaked me out
Commenter 2: Considering how deeply you buried the lede about you talking to her like that, too, I don't buy your claim about "tone". You have not shown yourself to be a reliable narrator.
OOP: I do not speak to her like that. When I say I call her names, I mean playful names like “little miss stinky”. And it’s in the same high pitched baby tone as anything else I say to her
Commenter 3: NTA You had ever right to be upset and ask him to leave. Do you have any indication he will be nicer going forward?
OOP: After our talk he said he wouldn’t ever speak to her like that again, and that he’d call start calling her Millie instead of just “the cat”
Commenter 4: INFO: Has he got a reason to hate the cat? It Millie interrupting his sleep, is she hostile towards him without reason (cats can be very possesive of their owners, too!), is she peeing somewhere else than her litter box?
(If not, you're N T A). People should be able to coexist with harmless cats even if they are not a cat person.
OOP: Nothing like that. She’s very social and stays near me, so sometimes she gets underfoot.
Commenter 5: NTA. Listen to your instincts. Your gut reaction was to protect Millie and make him leave.
That cold voice? That wasn't him playing. That was him dropping the mask he usually wears around you.
If you stay together, he is going to hurt Millie and remove her from your life.
You are at the first scene of what will either turn into a horror movie or just a small but normal breakup drama. Please choose the safety of yourself and your pet.
Update: September 2, 2021 (11 days later)
First of all-wow!! I did not expect the flood of supportive comments, messages, and awards. I tried to respond to as many messages as I could (at least the ones that weren’t wildly hateful), but I genuinely appreciated all of the kind words and concern for me and Millie.
Everybody’s comments were extremely eye opening. I felt sick to my stomach reading about people afraid for Millie….and it had already crossed my mind honestly. Making that post validated all the fears that I had kept dismissing as dramatic, and it was almost a relief to be encouraged by strangers to do something I had previously been too afraid to do.
We broke up. It’s my apartment, he wasn’t on the lease yet, and he’s going to go stay with his brother. Had to read around about gaslighting, and my sisters would agree with all of you about that one😅
It was hard to lose somebody I trusted and thought I knew well, but based on his reaction I knew I made the right call. He essentially told me that if I couldn’t learn to put other humans before my cat, I’d be alone for a very long time, and that he’d be waiting for me to reach out.
Millie doesn’t deserve to just be tolerated, she deserves to be safe and treated like the little princess she is by anybody I live with. She’s seen me through so much, and I’d rather be alone than her wandering around the side of the road somewhere. And I am absolutely terrified of her ever being hurt-it isnt worth the risk. I’m okay with it being just her and I for now.
Thanks everybody for the advice!!
EDIT: here’s the baby
Top Comments sharing pet stories and supporting OOP
Commenter 1: When my boyfriend moved in he babied my cats so much I'm pretty sure he was their favourite human and I was relegated to the position of backup slave. We since got another cat together. I could never date someone who didn't love animals.
Good for you and Millie. There are better guys out there.
Commenter 2: I’m a dog person 100% but I live with my SO and his cat (and our dogs). The cat drives me crazy. He’s up at 5 am and for some reason he loves me more than my SO, so he has to sit on MY face in the morning. And he drools! What kind of cat drools?! He also claws the furniture and screams like a tiny demon when you ignore him.
Even with all that I still love that little bastard and I would never ask my SO to get rid of him. He’s family. He may be annoying as hell and I’m not a cat person at all, but he’s still my little floofy baby. So what I’m saying is good for you OP. You’ll definitely find someone who will love you and your adorable cat.
Commenter 3: Yes girl! I'm sitting here with my old man cat, I've had him for 15 years, longer than I've had my husband! If I'd had to have gotten rid of this cat for a man I would not get to see him spend his senior years cuddled up with my daughter who adores him, I wouldn't trade that for anything. You'll find someone that respects Miss Millie and loves her as much as you do.
DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP