I once knew a girl who shaved her head bald. Her default response to "Does the carpet match the drapes?" was "That depends, is my head bleeding?"
this post was submitted on 07 Jun 2025
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Witches VS Patriarchy
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My job includes doing a lot of events on college campuses, so I see a lot of t-shirts for classic rock bands. I see a Dark Side of the Moon shirt at nearly every event. I'm a huge lifelong musician and music lover, so I often ask if they've listened to that album. If they have, we have a nice discussion about Pink Floyd. If not, I encourage them to give it a listen, because it is an album that has literally changed people's lives.
One girl told me she hadn't heard it, but her GRANDMOTHER told her it was the greatest album ever made. First of all: Grandmother? That hurt. Secondly, I told her grandma may be right, go listen to that album.
Recently, someone was wearing an Abby Road shirt, so I asked. They turned out to be a huge Beatles fan, and we had a nice conversation about it.
OTOH, one girl had on a Kiss shirt, so I asked her, and she didn't even know that Kiss was a band. She just liked the shirt.
Not everyone asking is looking to start an argument. Often we are just older music fans who are thrilled to see young people embracing the great rock music of the classic era, and want to talk to them about it. Engage those older music lovers, they may be able to tell you about other albums or artists you might like, or tell cool stories about shows they've been to. In my case, I worked for many years on the record biz, and have lots of stories of personal meetings and backstage experiences with truly legendary musicians. Young music lovers enjoy my stories, but if you responded with "name 5 women who trust you," I'd just write you off as a defensive, confrontational jerk, and ignore you. No fun stories for you.
This is lovely and wholesome, but you're not the type of person the post is about.
Edit: sorry I just realised my comment was kinda glib, so let me elaborate. You didn't specify but I assumed you approached those women with a friendly air, having a genuine desire to have a conversation with them as equals, and said something like "oh I love that album, have you listened to it?" Putting yourself in their shoes, compare that to a guy who approaches them aggressively, having a deep seated resentment for all women, and lashes out with "pretending you like that band huh? Prove it then, name 5 of their songs!"
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Is that comeback considered "good"? Why? It doesn't even make any sense.
The sort of men who come out with phrases like that are (almost universally) arseholes. Having a default response, that can be rolled out quickly, and hit at emotional sore spots is useful.
As for why it works, if they are willing to come out with that line, then either a massively misogynistic, or badly socially stunted and rude. Both will drive women away aggressively (and likely a lot of male friends).
How often does that line happen? I can definitely see "What's your favorite song/album?", that's just making conversation based on a common interest. And it can be kinda disappointing if you thought you were gonna get to talk about a band you like, but the person just liked the design and hasn't even heard them.
But "Name 5 songs"? I thought that just happened in memes.
What do you think the memes were based on? Gatekeeping is a real thing, and the "name 5 songs" is a genuine thing they'd to to "test" people as "real" fans.
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It's a bit of a weaponised meme. A small number of guys will use it as either a put down, or a really bad attempt at a negging pickup line. Unfortunately, they are the sort to do it to a depressing number of women, without thinking that maybe they are the arsehole, not the women turning him down.
It's also quite dependent on the demographic. E.g. It's far more likely to come up at music festivals etc.
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Him asking her to name 5 songs is nasty, it shows he's a bully whose looking to embarrass her. That indicates women are less likely to trust him
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Because it's an asshole thing to say. Any comeback will be good.
Because the kind of guy that asks random people to prove their fandom probably does not have many close friends.
Even more so the point is that they’re a creep.
Men policing women’s clothing is creepy, or talking down to other people as gatekeepers … also creepy.
The response is pointing out they’re a creep.
I hope my fellow men can understand.
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This sounds like a US thing.
People just don't go to other people saying some random shit where I'm from. Unless they're crazy, beggars, or tourists from the US. If you come to anorher person and don't start your sentence with "excuse me" or "sorry", you're getting ignored.
It's not common but I have had this weird interaction once:
Stop at random convenience store for a drink, take drink to counter, cashier looks up, sees my Dave Matthews Band shirt, and while doing the transaction for my drink says:
"I know that band! I hate that band! Take your shit and get out!"
It was confusing as hell. Who the fuck hates the Dave Matthews Band? 🤷🏻♂️
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The comments on this post are examples why there are so few women on Lemmy lol.
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Nice notion, but won't work.
Those people will happily list every women they know, however distant.
Many men don't even have a concept for this kind of "trust".
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I live in fear of this type of person, especially as someone who listens to metal which tends to be male-dominated. I'm an album person and I'm not always checking the table of contents when I listen. There are bands I've been a fan of for over a decade that I don't have five songs memorized for. I love these bands and I don't think I'm fake for liking them or wearing a shirt.
My brain just doesn't respond well to those type of questions anyway. Most brains don't, which is why those 'gotcha' street interview videos are so common. Most of those people aren't idiots, they're just panicking.
"Name 5 nations" "..uhhhhh, Antarctica, Canada, Texas, London, Taiwan"
"Oof, two out of five, no money for you, just public shame."
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Just remember you don't have to prove yourself to anyone. People that gate-keep like this aren't worth your time anyways.
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"name five of their songs" questions person A's (the one wearing the band t-shirt) knowledge of the band.
"name five women who trust you" questions person B's (the one who asked the 1st question) relationships with women in their life.
therefore "name five women who trust you" is much more loaded than "name five of their songs", making it a response that is, perhaps, too rude and unnecessary. although, assuming person B asked person A to name the songs unprompted (this is probably what usually happens), this could be an appropriate counter-question as sometimes a ruder response is necessary when dealing with annoying people.
People who have only just met me typically ask if I have kids (even though they rarely ask my husband the same question). And when I say that I don't, 80% of those people think that "Why not?" is an appropriate follow-up. And about half of them will go on about how having kids is great and I should really do it and that someday I'll change my mind.
Now, I made a choice not to have kids. It's not a difficult subject for me, even though it's annoying to have strangers insinuate that I don't know myself well enough to make that decision. But I have several loved ones who have suffered miscarriages and fertility issues, and I know that they feel really uncomfortable answering that question.
So right around the time I turned 35, my standard response became, " You know, when a woman gets to be a certain age and she doesn't have kids, there's usually a reason, and she usually doesn't want to discuss it with strangers."
That usually stops those people in their tracks. And I hope it has stopped at least one of them from asking a really invasive question to a person who's overly sensitive about the fact that they can't have kids.
All that to say that humoring someone and naming the five songs (or saying that you can't) out of politeness just reiterates that they were correct to act as a gatekeeper. Pointing out how rude the question is might actually change their behavior in the future.
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Its always fucking unprompted
I had it happen once with Eluveitie. Fuck me for not remembering song names in ancient Gaulish I guess.
Suddenly realizing how many women I knew have come out as non-binary "Uhhh, uhhh... Well my wife? Wait, no, um, my friend? No, they're not- uh,"
My sister was wearing a Harry Potter shirt and, in a grocery store, got confronted by some random girl that got super excited about it, and she showed my sister her tattoo of the Deathly Hallows. My sister had no idea what it was cause she never read the books and didn't finish the movies, but she enjoys the shirt cause our mom loves the Harry Potter universe. The girl got all sorts of upset and threw some judgy looks at her. My sister doesn't wear the shirt anymore.
Post just reminded me of that story, not trying to make a point or anything, just want to join in on the discussion.
Inb4 anti-JK Rowling commentary, you'd be preaching to the choir.
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"I have not made any attempt to memorize song names"
"I don't want to share names of family and friends"
If I was asked to give names, I would strongly consider listing names from Mambo No. 5. While humming the tune to remember the names.
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I've listened to Vital Remains' Let Us Pray once every couple weeks for the past 15 years and can't name one song off of the album. I can play the guitar parts along to it, half the time I can't even remember the name of the band. This is not vital info to my brain.
I would suggest telling them to go fuck themselves and moving on.
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People who wear band shirts, does this actually happen?
Nope. Every once in a long while someone will say "Nice shirt!".
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Bold of you to assume I associate with 5 people!
Shower comeback energy
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