I am not The OOP, OOP is u/notmyidentity
I'm[28M] a somewhat popular YouTuber. My wife[27F] deleted my recordings because she has never seen my crying and I'm unemotional.
TRIGGER WARNING: death of a pet, talk of physical violence, verbal abuse
Original Post Jan 7, 2015
First of all, please don't ask me who I am and my YouTube alias. I want to keep this anonymous.
Ann and I have been married for 9 months, we've been together for 3 years. Our relationship has been pretty smooth, and I love her to bits. However, we have a big personality clash. We've lived with it in the past but its affected her more than it has affected me. I'm more of a 'keep it all in' guy and I prefer to deal with my issues by myself. She on the other hand, talks about her issues with me, and we work through them together. I've always been a little "cold", maybe steely is a better word. I'm not too emotional, not that its a good or bad thing, its just the way I am.
My wife and I were forced to put down our dog recently. He was my dog before we met but he became a big part of our family. She loved the hell out of that dog, and I did too. When I lived abroad for a year, he kept her company and she was very close to him. So, we came back from the vet, and she was crying all the way. I was feeling really sad but I wasn't really showing it. She asked why I wasn't feeling sad, I told her I was. She started screaming at me for not having feelings, me being inhuman, me being cold, and her being scared of me for that. I told her that I cannot force myself to cry and I was feeling terrible inside.
We get home and she went off about I'm barely human and I'm basically an automaton. She then went on and on about how she has never seen me cry. Not when we had broken up 1 and a half years into our relationship, not when my mother died, not when I was leaving for a year to work abroad. I told her that me crying doesn't solve anything and she should quit bothering me. I went to bed.
Next morning, I wake up and decide to edit some videos I wanted to upload. I work from home and I have one main computer to work from. It has 3 hard drives. The first one is my OS drive the other two have recordings on them. I wake up to find the other two completely wiped. I freak out and irrationally think that it might have been some software or something. I try and see what the cause was, and I can't figure out anything. I had put in so much work recording these videos, so much effort had gone into them. I broke down. I had backed up only the recordings from 2 months ago. I'm sobbing hard and I just feel pathetic. I'd lost so much of my work and I couldn't figure out how. My wife then comes in, sees me. I tell her what happened. She tells me she did it. She wanted to see me cry and didn't know how else to make it happen. She's is happy she got to see that some part of me is human. She tells me it was healthy for me to let my emotions out. I swear to God, that's the first time I have ever wanted to hit her. I would have strangled her. I packed up a few things, laptop, phone, got in the car and told her that I'll call her when I am ready. I'm staying with a buddy of mine right now. And I need to figure this shit out. She was all apologetic and loving when I was leaving and was acting confused. I feel nothing but hatred towards her right now, but I need to be tactful in handling this situation right now. Help me figure it out ?
tl;dr: I'm a YouTuber. My wife deleted my recordings from the last 2 months because she had never seen me cry and wanted me to "let out my emotions". I kinda want to kill her right now. I want to know how to confront her.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
[deleted]
This is funny as hell, OP, but if it actually happened I would say that is grounds for a divorce, ESPECIALLY if you make a living from youtube. That's a really childish and stupid way to handle her perception that you lacked emotion.
OOP
I'm not kidding here. This is something terrible that's happened and it came out of the blue. I didn't expect her to do something as crazy as this.
~
ibby_be
This is all sorts of fucked up.
Sorry OP, but she went about this all the wrong way and acted like she was 13. Seems a bit sadistic. You two definitely need counseling to recover from this.
OOP
Right now, before I even think of saving my marriage, I want to know how to go about confronting her about this. I'm going to take a few days to cool off, because I'm mad to the point of physical violence right now. That's why I immediately left as soon as she told me.
anjufordinner
If you would hit your wife over Youtube, and you're crying over YouTube more than you did your dog or mother, maybe you both are better off divorcing... Or someone who knows that is where your priorities lie and won't touch the work you do.
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[deleted]
You confront her by saying "Do you have any feelings about a divorce? Go ahead, let them all out! It's healthy for you."
It's not about videos. It's about the absolutely ridiculous worldview she has. If you fall down and break your leg, will she keep hitting it until you show the amount of pain she feels is right? I wouldn't trust her with my property, my feelings, or my future. And if I can't trust my spouse, there's no point to the marriage
OOP
texted her
I received a text : "How're you feeling ?"
I'm pissed so I texted her : "Hey. Do you have any feelings about a divorce? Go ahead, let them all out! It's healthy for you".
Her response : "Baby I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to do that. Leo died and I guess it was just too hard on me. I love you so much and I know what I did was terrible. Please forgive me and come home. I miss you. Let's just talk this through."
Leo was our dog
Another text : "Please don't do anything rash. We just got married. Why divorce ? We have our entire lives ahead of us. Please don't let one mistake of mine ruin that future. I love you. I'm sorry. Please come home. Or at least tell me where you are."
Update Jan 12, 2015 (5 days later)
A LOT has happened. I'm not going to cover all the events of the past few days, but here's the most important stuff.
Data - I had a friend hook me up to a local store that specialises in this. Proper recovery is expensive but they said that since no data is rewritten, its possible. Waiting to hear from them tomorrow.
Divorce - I decided that I'm not going to ask for a divorce. What happened was bad, but not divorce-worthy. I want to give this a chance.
Wife - I went back to her. She was crying. It looked like she had been for a long time. I went in and she hugged me and cried even more, apologising profusely. When she got a little more stable, we talked. She started by saying that she understood how badly she fucked up. She said that I am well warranted to ask for a divorce. However, she said that she will never pull shit like this again and that she doesn't want to spend the rest of her life in regret. She begged me for one last chance. Having had a wonderful relationship before this, I decided that I wanted to give her another chance. I asked her to explain why she did what she did. She said that, first, Leo's death really got to her. Second, she confessed that she always felt like the weaker one in the relationship. She felt completely alone when she cried. I made a mental note to comfort her better when she's a little emotional. But she said that she understood right now. And she said that she felt terrible to engage in such power play, and that she understood that we're just different people. She told me she really regretted her actions and wanted one chance to make it up to me.
Thanks for your help and suggestions.
NOTE : The comments I made in the previous post - well, I was PISSED, really really angry, and also drunk. I thought about matters the next day and then took action.
I can't believe I forgot to put this in. Marriage Counselling - We're getting an appointment to get through this issue.
tl;dr: confronted wife rationally and we talked about the issue.
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