fakenews

THE two CEO’s Tim Martin of J.D Wetherspoons and his partner Michael O’Leary of Ryanair make history today as they unveil the first “flying pub.” The once recalled 737 Max is decked out in the familiar Wetherspoons decor including a fully functioning bar, a single pool table, dart board, and a small kitchen. After patrons pay £1500 pounds for their ticket, they are welcomed on board and offered a copy of “Wetherspoonews” which they can enjoy at one of the many available bar stools that are scattered about the plane. The flight from Manchester to Edinburgh is fairly quick only taking 15 minutes to and from each destination, boarding itself takes anywhere around 2-4 hours depending on many factors. Within the boarding hours, the bar and other facilities like the kitchen and toilets are temporarily out of service for safety reasons.

O’Leary who has received long running criticisms for the way he manages his airline claims this new venture is a “return to tradition” as he admits flight today is “an experience sanitized of life.” The two CEO’s were allegedly too busy to take the first flight but instead opened the doors to the first passengers, a family of 12 from Wigan who were left “dissatisfied” with the quality of the flight. “We didn’t have any time to finish our curries and there was no curry and pint for a fiver - it all cost us about 30 quid per person. The flight were so quick before we could start eating our food we were told we had to sit back in our chairs.” The family who are admirers of Tim Martin were upset that the CEO wouldn’t be joining them, “he up and left when he saw us and didn’t say hi, it’s a shame really since we paid so much but he’s a busy man I get it.” Chaos ensued when a window was completely destroyed after one of the patrons threw a dart but instead of hitting the board, a window was smashed which forced staff to seal the window with a stool pillow and duct tape. A fight broke out amongst the family after they blamed one another for the commotion.