Transfem
A community for transfeminine people and experiences.
This is a supportive community for all transfeminine or questioning people. Anyone is welcome to participate in this community but disrupting the safety of this space for trans feminine people is unacceptable and will result in moderator action.
Debate surrounding transgender rights or acceptance will result in an immediate ban.
- Please follow the rules of the lemmy.blahaj.zone instance.
- Bigotry of any kind will not be tolerated.
- Gatekeeping will not be tolerated.
- Please be kind and respectful to all.
- Please tag NSFW topics.
- No NSFW image posts.
- Please provide content warnings where appropriate.
- Please do not repost bigoted content here.
This community is supportive of DIY HRT. Unsolicited medical advice or caution being given to people on DIY will result in moderator action.
Posters may express that they are looking for responses and support from groups with certain experiences (eg. trans people, trans people with supportive parents, trans parents.). Please respect those requests and be mindful that your experience may differ from others here.
Some helpful links:
- The Gender Dysphoria Bible // In depth explanation of the different types of gender dysphoria.
- Trans Voice Help // A community here on blahaj.zone for voice training.
- LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory // A directory of LGBTQ+ accepting Healthcare providers.
- Trans Resistance Network // A US-based mutual aid organization to help trans people facing state violence and legal discrimination.
- TLDEF's Trans Health Project // Advice about insurance claims for gender affirming healthcare and procedures.
- TransLifeLine's ID change Library // A comprehensive guide to changing your name on any US legal document.
Support Hotlines:
- The Trevor Project // Web chat, phone call, and text message LGBTQ+ support hotline.
- TransLifeLine // A US/Canada LGBTQ+ phone support hotline service. The US line has Spanish support.
- LGBT Youthline.ca // A Canadian LGBT hotline support service with phone call and web chat support. (4pm - 9:30pm EST)
- 988lifeline // A US only Crisis hotline with phone call, text and web chat support. Dedicated staff for LGBTQIA+ youth 24/7 on phone service, 3pm to 2am EST for text and web chat.
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Ok, first, to get some important things out of the way. Voice surgery, or even voice training isn't ever necessary, or at least, it's not something that someone else gets to tell you is necessary. It can help with dysphoria, and it can help with cis passing and avoiding transphobia, but even then, whether that makes it necessary is an entirely personal decision.
As for why people will tell you that your voice passes as cis? There are several reasons. First and foremost, for people who have known you a long time, they often, honestly just can't tell anymore. Secondly, the whole pressure to cis pass that we push on to members of our community is not a positive thing. Like I said above, it's something that people should be deciding for themselves based on their own needs. And I really feel uncomfortable being part of that pressure. So if someone asked me if their voice cis passes, I'd be very hesitant to answer, because the act of answering itself suggests that cis passing is a goal you should be seeking.
The way to get what you're looking for from people here isn't to ask them if you're cis passing, it's to ask people whose voices you find inspiring how they achieved various things. "How did you voice train? How do you shape your vowels like that? Who did you get VFS through?" etc. You're not putting them on the spot and asking them to assess you and your validity, but asking them questions that can have objective answers, rather than subjective answers loaded with judgement.
Now, with all of that out of the way, I had VFS (in Australia), and whilst it hasn't been perfect, it's been a strong positive for me overall. The thing that got me wasn't my day to day voice. It was androgynous, and people didn't know how to read it, until they knew my name or saw what I looked like. The exception was when I was coughing, sneezing, or cheering/yelling. My voice training did nothing for those things, and I got VFS to help me with them. As a result though, my voice now cis passes, but it's also quieter than it used to be. I can yell at my old volume, but making myself heard in a noisy restaurant, or in a workplace meeting without yelling is pretty much impossible now.
And the other consideration is that VFS isn't a magic bullet. The way to think of it is that it will give you more for less from your existing vocal training. After VFS your training will take you further than you were able to achieve beforehand, which means that training is a worthy goal, whether or not you want VFS, and whether or not your voice can cis pass
You do have a point, when I said it's necessary I meant from my situation where cis passing is extremely important due to risk of violence and my fear of violence, my dysphoria is a huge part but fear of being beaten for not passing is also very big. It's happened before my picrew doesn't have an eyepatch for style, I was attacked for being trans and it left me permanently blind in my left eye, and I wear an eyepatch to cover up my non-functional left eye. I know that the pressure to cis pass isn't healthy and that in an ideal world it would only be about alleviating my dysphoria. It really sucks that I have to be afraid to speak in public because someone could clock me and get violent. I don't mean to put people in difficult situations I was just scared and wanted to know in the moment if my voice sounded alright or if I was at risk of being clocked.
I know that VFS isn't a magic bullet and I do know that training is still worthwhile, it has had an effect, it just isn't enough on its own to make me sound not masculine. Which is why I've said I need it in order to be able to pass.