askchapo

That's probably me minus the misogyny.

I did the whole self-improvement meme, got fit, lost weight, made friends, joined social groups, cut my hair, got a skincare routine, clothes that fit, etc etc. While it did help me make become more outgoing, I'm just too unattractive to realistically get a relationship. I even got a couple of first dates after talking to some folks on Discord. We got along great, bantered, and even had a nice emotional connection. Then we meet up and they see my face and suddenly it gets awkward. There's a look in their eyes when you go from a potential partner to ugly friend that just hurts.

90% of non-misogynist incels would be good partners, but no one wants to date them. A significant reason why 2/3rds of young men are single and 1/3rd of young women are single is because a subset of women prefer to date the same man with the hope that eventually they'll be exclusive. That or they're unaware that the men they're after are casually dating other women. Unattractive men are invisible, the only chance they have is personality. But personality means very little in a dating market that's very young and using mostly apps. If these people could get dates, they'd have a relationship eventually. But getting dates as an unattractive man is almost impossible.

It does get a bit better for men when you're older but I'd be too bitter at that point. Knowing that the only reason you'd be given a chance is because everyone's old, less attractive, and wanting to settle down is a poison that would eat away at me. Even if my partner sincerely thought I was a catch after getting to know me, it still hurts to be the last of someone's options.

I'll probably never get a partner and that sucks. But I do have friends and hobbies to work towards.