fakenews

This is one of the top news channels in the country straight up making shit up. Even the worst NAFO cope is more based in reality than anything Indian media reports.

Vatican City (AP) - Amidst thanking well wishers and congratulations on his new role, Robert Prevost now known as Pope Leo XIV has already announced his first piece of official business. In his first press conference he stated that a new saint was soon to take their place in history among those figures that many Catholics ask for special attention to during prayer. While it may come as a shock to some as saints are generally canonized after their death, Donald Trump has been chosen for this most prestigious role, with Pope Leo mentioning that there are few figures in recent history that have so humbled the American people and brought them closer to God.

Asked for comment President Trump said that "few people have ever been so deserving" of being promoted to saint hood and claimed that hundreds of millions in government funds had already been allocated to erect artwork in his likeness in churches across the nation.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church may teach that:

239 ... We ought therefore to recall that God transcends the human distinction between the sexes. He is neither man nor woman: he is God.

However, at press time, the cardinals suddenly had a revelation from God that after thousands of years of using masculine pronouns, God wants people to switch it up and use feminine pronouns for at least a few centuries.

FFS!

AP News - WASHINGTON - The White House announced the sudden and early retirement of the president on Tuesday following the acceptance of a "tremendous deal" which analysts say was, in fact, an obvious scam.

The fake email, found in the president's Yahoo mailbox, was addressed from the non-existent "UN Council on Government Efficiencies", and offered one Trillion dollars to any head of state who ended their term "in the next 24 hours".

Trump remarked:

When you've been in business as long as I have, you attract a lot of great deals!

He added that Elon Musk was a "Grade-A loser":

I'm finally richer than that obnoxious try-hard! Did you know he eats his own boogers? Disgusting.

What's the fun ij fake posting if the mark knows it's fake before they read the content cmon

It's called "GOATSE" and it has people in the beltway scratching their heads. "So it's this guy, right, and he's stretching his asshole out real super wide like this, right (Mr. Musk motions), and the kids they love it! All my friends on 4chan think it's based and owns the libs, so we got matching tattoos of it!" But to some DC insiders, they think the idea of Musk and co. fronting tattoos of a man's prolapsed anus is in poor taste. "They work for Soros" Musk said about the haters.

One democrat voter was found saying "I thought he went full Nazi but now that he is supporting the Azov brigade by donating billions of dollars, I believe he has changed his ways and became a liberal national socialist instead. I will now buy his cybertruck and preferably the the new collectors edition with blacksun projector headlights and ofcourse we call it a wolfsangel truck now instead of a swasticar. I even think he should run for president in Ukraine and become a freedom fighter like Stephan Bandera! and liberate the world from all Communist Fascists and not just Russia! Slava Ukraini! "