Bad Movies

My friends from the fencing team in a Milwaukee, WI suburban catholic high school were bored. We wanted to watch a movie, but didn’t want to spend theater prices. So we went to Blockbuster (!!) in search of something…. else.

No, not that you gooner.

We invented the rules on the car ride there:

• None of us could have seen or even be aware of the movie
• None of us can recognize any of the main actors in the film
• Sci-fi or fantasy since those seemed to have the cheese we wanted

As we strolled along the shelves where most patrons don’t bother, there it was. Like a (scuffed) diamond in the rough: Cube

And it was glorious. lol

Bonus points: Two friends and I moved out to Denver, CO in the middle of college to go snowboarding and finish school (in that order). One of us became a manager at Blockbuster right at the beginning of the switch from VHS to DVDs. For whatever reason, his store started with the least rented titles they had, and their solution was to just throw all the VHS in the garbage.

One day he just showed up from work with ~ 4 or 5 huge garbage bags filled to the brim with the crappiest VHS films Blockbuster deemed unworthy to return to a distributor.

Around a week later he did it again.

It was the absolute (free!) jackpot of gloriously bad films.

This is the greatest bad film ever made. The lore behind this movie alone (was it actually stolen in development?)

Shitweasel alone is a work of unparalleled beauty.

I need more people to watch this so that it’s less weird that I’ve probably watched it at least 30-40 times.

An L. A. cop investigates the death of his partner in the swamps of Louisiana. Enlisting the help of an ex-cop who lost his hand to an alligator many years before.

An ancient cult embroiled in a sinister blood trade makes the deadly mistake of abducting a young woman with a violent, shocking past.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt18284880/

• youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aw-fRXxUDzI
• tubi: https://tubitv.com/movies/100009884/i-am-rage
• uBlock Origin adblocker on Firefox works on the above links
• if you want to pay and/or watch ads: https://www.justwatch.com/us/movie/i-am-rage

The Factory is a 2012 American crime thriller film directed by Morgan O'Neill and starring John Cusack... In the film, Cusack plays a Buffalo, New York cop who has been chasing a serial kidnapper who abducts young women.

...

The Factory was scheduled to be released on December 19, 2011, but it was never theatrically released by Dark Castle Entertainment via Warner Bros. The company then considered a DVD release for the third quarter of 2012, but the film was finally released on February 19, 2013.[2] ...

Rohit Rao of DVD Talk rated it 2.5/5 stars and called it "a cookie cutter thriller" with a "supremely dumb, bone-headed twist".[5] Patrick Bromley of DVD Verdict wrote, "The movie only gets sillier and stupider as it goes along, leading to a climax that's utterly ridiculous and abandons any goodwill the movie might have built up to that point."[6] Scott Weinberg of Fearnet wrote, "The Factory is composed of seven or eight other films you've already seen before. And not composed especially well."[7]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Factory_(2012_film)

• free on youtube, blocked in Canada, Czech Republic, Slovakia but available everywhere else: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FO9OXjY2M_w
• if you hate yourself and want to pay for it: https://www.justwatch.com/us/movie/the-factory

The film [is] a dramatic and controversial story about a corrupt city government that uses an innocent community as its drug distribution center to generate money to fund revolutions in Central America. The film depicts corrupt city officials involved in unthinkable situations with a storyline that is sure to keep you glued to the screen. With Martial Arts gaining steam over the past few years ... its no wonder why we are seeing more and more quality martial arts action films dealing with extreme situations. ... the making of this movie is just another example of how martial arts is truly main stream.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0769775/

Full movie: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iq2_zDru-78

Italian zombie movie from 1980 that features stolen music from Dawn of the Dead and stock footage from some other films. Typical stuff like poor dubbing, characters dying when they could've easily escaped by simply moving, thin plot that sort of just meanders. Rather entertaining but the native (cannibal?) tribe sequence is a bit gross.

After giving advice to a woman struggling with relationship problems, Joe is encouraged to audition for a local radio time slot. Joe hesitates to apply, but auditions in order to afford to send his son to a private gifted school. After getting rejected by the station, he resubmits an audition recording as Loqueesha, a no-nonsense sassy black woman, and becomes a national success.

An incredibly baffling film. It flies right up to the self aware sun but always manages to crash back down to out of touch reality. Highly recommend

A young girl is trained by a master of martial arts to become a killer after an assassin kills her father.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2341987/

It's the rapiest timeline: street thugs are roughing up everyone while dressing in whatever they have lying around; a plutonium killer is kidnapping women and his chauffeur is sucking his own rat tail; everyone is kidnapping women.

The only one who can save us is hey somewhat effectual audio guy from the local news. Watches he sets up his friend and has his own net hoisted upon him.

It's on Tubi!

The year is 2024... And this movie is still delightfully horrible. Apparently created just so Christopher Lambert could work with Sean Connery again.

The premise is ridiculous on the face of it, stands in direct contrast to the simple premise of the original. The real question is why do I love it?

Get it in before the calendar rolls over. Free in prime for me in the states l.

LUST, BETRAYAL AND DISMEMBERMENT

Vicki Kent returns home after a long stint in a mental facility. Unfortunately, she hasn't lost any of her murderous tendencies and soon she goes after some old enemies.

IMDb.com || letterboxd.com

IT'S COMING FOR YOU FROM SPACE TO WIPE ALL LIVING THINGS FROM THE FACE OF THE EARTH! CAN IT BE STOPPED?

A misguided scientist enables an alien from Venus named Zontar to come to earth in order to "help solve man's problems". However, as soon as Zontar arrives on Earth, it quickly becomes obvious that the three-eyed, bat-winged, skeletal black creature has a hidden agenda.

Space Mutiny

1988 - Not Rated - 1h 31m

A pilot is the only hope to stop the mutiny of a spacecraft by its security crew, who plot to sell the crew of the ship into slavery.

It would be sad if it weren't so pathetic.

OK, folks! Don't worry, I won't be giving away anything important, although I don't think I could spoil this movie if I tried. So off we go...

As what sounds like Kintaro's arrangement of 'O Fortuna' wafts our way, we are subjected to the film's opening credits. They look like they were produced by a Commodore 64 and they freeze up more than once because there are too darned many moving objects on the screen.

Welcome to Battlestar Galactica-- I mean, the Southern Sun! This ship is home to an entire civilization, despite the fact that 90% of it appears to be a brewery. In charge of this magnificent flying basement is Captain Santa Claus, assisted by his Billy-Idol-wannabe sidekick. I've seen this movie at least a dozen times and still am not really sure what the plot is, but it has something to do with a greasy-haired guy named Kalgan trying to disrupt the transportation of a bunch of magical -- and (of course) extremely horny -- women. Santa puts our seemingly brain-damaged hero Ryder in charge of defeating Kalgan. Meanwhile Captain Santa's daughter Leah, who somehow doesn't seem much younger than the Captain himself, gets pretty chummy with Ryder. In the words of Crow T. Robot: "If you pretend you know what's going on, it's actually kind of exciting."

Watch and enjoy the following: Vacu-formed unitards, ridiculously small weapons, Santa's incredibly fake beard, tinfoil muu-muus, Kalgan's giggling fits, Ryder's bizarre reaction shots, a woman who punches in at work despite the fact that she was just murdered, Leah's sensual Dance of the Hoola Hoop, the most '80s bar scene EVER, women who reeeeeally like Van DeGraf Generators, countless shots of computer screens (graphics by Kenner), Ryder's attempt to say 'auxiliary', and numerous molasses-fast chase scenes involving golf carts... or floor waxers or something.

This movie is not campy; it's just that everything is wrong in all the right ways. Acting, sets, lighting, costumes, dialogue... they're all just plain goofy. These folks tried to make an exciting space-drama -- and maybe it would've been if they had dared to take ANYTHING up a notch -- but every aspect of it just says, "space movie" and nothing more.

If this movie was just plain bad, you might have to feel sad for the people that made it, thinking it would work. However, it makes such a leap into the ridiculous that you just have to laugh. A must-see for fans of so-bad-it's-good movies. And whether you love or hate sci-fi, this is a very funny movie.

I give it a 4 -- it may not affect you the way it's supposed to, but it's great entertainment."

-ptrschckl

Also Available:

Space Mutiny - The Music Video

Mystery Science Theater 3000 - #820 - Space Mutiny

Just watched this on Hulu and unfortunately I wouldn't recommend it. The ridiculous premise didn't stick the landing. I feel it would have worked better as a short film or as a joke trailer. Anyone else gave it a chance?

A nerd is constantly harassed and ridiculed by a group of punks. He decides to buy a course in "being cool" on videotape. When he continues to be harassed after watching the tapes, something snaps in him and he becomes violent.