AmITheAsshole

Context:

My(31) Girlfriend(27) moved in with me ~2 months ago, we live in a tiny 47^m apartment, space is very limited, but we're in a housing crisis so it is what it is.

During the move, I convinced her to let go of her full length mirror (an IKEA cupboard door https://www.ikea.com/nl/en/p/aheim-door-mirror-glass-80410055/) because we don't have space to put it, and the cupboards we have in the bedroom literally have 3 of those as the doors.

Yesterday we got into a bit of an argument because she's upset that she gave away her mirror, and is eluding to wanting me to buy a new one.

Anyway, here is our conversation

Boyfriend: I'd also really love to go to Greece
Girlfriend: Awesome me too haha
Girlfriend: Pita gyros 😍😍😍😍
Boyfriend: Yeeees 😍
Girlfriend: I miss having a selfie mirror :(
Girlfriend: It’s not the same
Girlfriend: I wish Steve didn’t have my mirror
Girlfriend: I want to buy a new one
Girlfriend: I feel in my element with taking cute outfit pics 😍
Girlfriend: {selfieOfHerInCuteOutfitInfrontOfFullLengthMirror.jpg }
Boyfriend: I'm sorry love ❤️ let's get you one back xx ❤️
Could also think about it in the remodel
Boyfriend: Cute I love it ❤️❤️
Girlfriend: I’d love that ❤️
Girlfriend: That would honestly mean a lot 🥹 We could pick a nice one. I remember letting go of my old one even though I wanted to keep it 😅 So if you wanted to get one, it would feel like a sweet loving full-circle moment 🪞❤️
Boyfriend: We just need to find a spot for it, then we're good xx ❤️
Boyfriend: I'm in Brussels now, going to take a bus soon.

I'll get home so late 🙉
Girlfriend: Ok love ❤️
Girlfriend: Let’s look for one
Girlfriend: Oh shame and on a Sunday 😅❤️
Boyfriend: Sure but let's first figure out where we put it ❤️
Boyfriend: Yea damn 😅🙉
Boyfriend: How was your weekend love? ❤️
Girlfriend: I think between the couch and bedroom door ❤️
Girlfriend: My weekend was fun, I really enjoy Copenhagen so far. thanks :D how was yours? ❤️
Girlfriend: Hey love can I ask you something? When you said ‘let’s get you one,’ did you mean we’d pick one together and you’d get it for me or that we’d pick one together and we’d buy it? I’d just love to know what you meant❤️
Boyfriend: Maybe yes, might it fit in the bedroom somewhere? It might look a bit out of place in the living room
Boyfriend: Nice happy to hear ❤️
Boyfriend: Mine was good, I'm just dead haha it's been a hectic week
Boyfriend: I averaged like 12k steps a day this week
Boyfriend: I just meant lets try to arrange that you have one, I didn't have specifics in mind
Boyfriend: *I didn't think about the details
Girlfriend: It’s too tight in the bedroom. The background matters so the mirror wouldn’t really work there. 
I don’t think it would look out of place in the living room because it’s kind of a vibe there, many cool living rooms have cool mirrors
Girlfriend: Haha nice
❤️
Boyfriend: 🤔 Hmmm ok let's think what might work, idk how a full length mirror might look in the living room
❤️
Girlfriend: Ah okay I think I felt a bit weird because ‘let’s get you one’ sounded like a gift, and part of me really hoped it would be.

I remember saying I wanted to keep my old mirror, and while I didn’t push super hard, I did feel like I got gradually talked out of it with things like where it would go, whether we had space, or if other mirrors were enough. So even though I gave up in the end, I didn’t really feel like my preference had space.

Getting one from you now would honestly feel really thoughtful like something small but meaningful being repaired in a loving way ❤️
Boyfriend: Sorry I didn't intend for it to sound like a gift, I wouldn't have used those words if I meant it like that.
Boyfriend: I'm sorry Steve took your door mirror when you didn't want to let it go, do you maybe want to speak to him about getting it back?
Boyfriend: And where would we put it?
Boyfriend: I want to help and make things as good as possible ❤️ not sure what the solution is
Girlfriend: I’ve tried to express something that mattered to me not to fight, but because it left a mark. I wasn’t looking for a practical solution or to rehash the past, just a moment of care and accountability.

To be honest, getting a mirror from you would still feel really meaningful. Not because I can’t get one myself, but because it would show me that my feelings and experience mattered to you that you wanted to make something right in a loving way. That’s the kind of connection I want ❤️
Boyfriend: Your feelings and experience does matter ❤️
I am trying to make something right in a loving and caring way by helping you have a mirror again, I'm not sure where the miscommunication happened
Girlfriend: It doesn’t seem like you’re in a place to really take accountability or make the repair 😔❤️
Boyfriend: Love I'm sorry that Steve took your mirror when you would have liked to keep it, and I'm sorry I didn't realise that you wanted to keep it ❤️
Girlfriend: Thank you for saying that ❤️ What still sits with me, though, is that I did say I wanted to keep it, and I felt gradually talked out of it with comments about space and other mirrors. That made it feel like my preference wasn’t really considered even though it was my mirror.

I don’t want to be the one to talk to Steve, because it doesn’t feel fair that I’d have to deal with something that came from a situation where my desire for my own property wasn’t taken seriously and that same property was offered by you to him instead. And now that it’s glued to his wall, it could be awkward too. If that’s the route you want to take, I’d leave that to you.

I’d really appreciate you stepping up to repair this connection rupture in a loving way whether that’s getting a new one or speaking to him yourself❤️
Boyfriend: I did talk you out of keeping it yes, but it's okay to convince someone of something right?

I don't feel I didn't consider your feelings when we were discussing what to do with the mirror.
Boyfriend: If you still had the mirror, what would you do with it?
Girlfriend: Convincing someone of something is different from respecting that they said no especially when it’s about their own property and preference. I wasn’t asking to be debated, I was asking to be heard.

And even if you thought you were considering my feelings, the truth is I didn’t feel considered. That’s the part that needs repair not explanation
Girlfriend: I appreciate you acknowledging that you talked me out of it
Boyfriend: I don't see the issue with talking someone out-of/into something, it's part of life.

Like if you talk me into buying Green shirt but I'm not comfortable with the colour.

And I agree, and then buy it.

I could be happy with the colour once I try it, or I could hate it. But it's still okay to convince someone of something right? (assuming you have their best interest in mind)
Boyfriend: Could you answer this please "If you still had the mirror, what would you do with it?"
Girlfriend: I get what you’re trying to say but this wasn’t a fun debate or a clothing suggestion. It was my property, and I said I wanted to keep it.

Convincing someone against their own preference, then giving away their thing, is not the same as nudging someone to try a new brand.
It didn’t feel like care. It felt like override.

What I needed wasn’t to be proven wrong it was to be heard and valued. That’s the part that still feels unresolved
Girlfriend: I would take cute outfit pics that make me happy feel good about myself
Boyfriend: Love you're making it sound like I took your thing and gave it away. That's not what happened, we were deciding what to do with thigs if you wanted to keep it you could have kept it
Girlfriend: I’m not saying you physically grabbed it and handed it to Steve
I’m saying I expressed wanting to keep it, and in response, you pushed back repeatedly with different arguments and eventually after many back and forths I gave in and while I was busy movigg you  started making plans with Steve about where it would go

So yes, I could’ve insisted louder. But the point is: I shouldn’t have had to. My preference was clear. It just didn’t have space
Girlfriend: In the living room
Boyfriend: We don't have space and that matters.
I understand your preference, I would have loved if there was a nice solution.

=================

Sorry about the wall of text, after this things just spiralled and it became a huge fight, with neither of us being able to see eye to eye.

Am I the asshole for convincing her to give away her mirror?

I’m sorry, I know this title seems like bait.

I (18F) was harassed sexually(?), verbally, and bullied by a woman (19F). My younger sister finds her gorgeous and got mad at me for saying she was average and not that attractive. She also told me “I was just saying that because she was horrible to me.”

That is true, but she genuinely isn’t attractive to me. My friend and boyfriend find her ugly (specifically on the inside).

I don’t think she’s ugly, but I don’t find her pretty either. Ugly on the inside, average appearance-wise, but wears nice clothes and likes cute things.

I (F26) work with a lot of foreign coworkers at a landfill. We pick recycling off a conveyor belt and are expected to do a certian amount a minute, or "pick speed". Theirs are regularly low. Additionally, they had a habit of flushing paper towel and making a mess. This plugged the toilet, and the women's restroom has been locked. We need special permission to use it like gradeschool. That all being said, I've had issues with them for more petty reasons. They would demand I sweep some certian part of the plant at the end of the day instead of whetever I was, they have no actual authority. They rush me in the bathroom, knocking on the doors. They generally are difficult. I am autistic, so I don't deal with this well, and tend to yell. Every time, they make a point to all laugh in unison.

My boss's boss was talking about meetings before work today. The subject of pick speeds came up, as one of the foremen has to bring it up during the meeting again. I complained as the boss was out the door that they really should be talking to these foreign workers, who among the above, have low pick speeds, make excuses not to switch stations as we normally would, and so on. The boss's boss gets mad at me, tells me "Everyone deserves a chance to work here" and all but accuses me of racism. It's worth noting, my pick speeds are usually well above average. AITAH?

I recently got banned from a dating subreddit and discord for people over 30 and all the admins will say is that I made some people uncomfortable. I've been trying to figure out what I did that could have upset people and the one 2 things I can think of was one incident when somebody mentioned I should try dating another male member of the discord server since we had so much in comment and I jokingly explained that I could never date another man because I don't like the sight of my own genitals so I doubt I would want to see or touch another man's. That seemed to spark some controversy with some members because I brought up genitalia. I get that I probably could have said it in a classier way, but in a server for people over 30 looking to date, I would assume this wouldn't exactly be taboo or warrant a ban.

Sorry for the catchy title! Let me explain.

I, 21F, was in an almost 6 month relationship with a girl, also my age. The first 3 months everything was smooth sailing, we live together in the same dorm building and things where chill. However, we had to go long distance due to summer vacation. Then, things started to get weird: she wouldn't reply to my messages for 6-8 hours (mind you, to conversation starters such as "good morning, how u doing, have you got any plans for the day" etc.) and wouldn't want to play games or watch movies with our friends online like before. After a month of this I raised this issue to her through FaceTime. She seemed to acknowledge it and told me she'll try to get better. That, I think, made things much worse. Conversations seemed so forced, and when we talked through the phone she answered with a dry, cut-to-the-chase tone, never asking me further than the bare minimum of "how are u". I somehow put up with this for a month, thinking that maybe exams had been rough and she was tired. Then, after I asked her randomly one day to play a game of Risk online (which, she refused), she blew up and started telling me that I always thought the worst of her, that I made her feel insecure about her degree and that I got exactly what I wanted from her (apparently, a talking schedule rather than a conversation). This caught me as a surprise. She'd never told me anything was going wrong and suddenly she had a loooong list of things I did that hurt her. I apologized, not knowing about what exactly, but none the less I valued her and our relationship more than being "right" on a small and out of the blue argument. Apparently this posture of trying to understand what happened and why she felt that way was actually "cold and manipulative" (exact phrasing, btw). I apologized, again, because I really wanted to make things right. She told me she needed to fix things in person, so she'd be no-contact until we meet again in her hometown for a trip we had planned with our group of friends. I agreed and so the next time we spoke was when I got off the train and into her car for the hour long ride to her hometown.

Long story short (because this could be another post) the trip was an utter failure, she wouldn't even look at me and wouldn't answer until I'd asked multiple times (she did not do this to my other friend, who was super confused and kinda astonished), among many other awful things (in which she started to also misstreat this other friend). Fast forward to me being back home processing whatever happened, I called her, asked why she treated us, and specially me, that way. I honestly wanted to understand how did she wanted to fix things when she would barely speak to me. She said she had already forgot, and that things were actually sorted out. I couldn't take anymore, so I cut things off because I saw she didn't want to fix things, but rather keep being mad. She told me she would call me before the new academic year to see how we we're feeling and how we wanted to manage the new situation. Rest to say, that call hasn't happened yet, and she avoids me like the plague (like, shamelessly getting up from the table if she sees me coming over to have lunch with our friends).

So, here is the AITA. She moved rooms to be right next to one of our friends (not the one from the trip tho). Whenever I stop by this friend's room she goes feral pounding on the wall, hitting doors, walking up and down the corridor like a beast in a cage. I tried confronting her about this and she angrily (over text, because she doesn't even dare look my way) said that I am no being considerate with her and that I am invading her space (with my voice) by being in the next room over, and that I'm basically stalking her and should stop hanging around there. I stood my ground and told her she didn't get to decide what happened on the room next door, but rather my friend since its her room. The thing is, not only does my friend live next door, but we also share the same group of friends (or used to, since this devacle has left me for dead, for the rest of the group has sided with her even tho no one asked how I'm dealing with the breakup), and we study at the same faculty. Am I really "messing" or "stalking" her? I don't want to she her just as much as she doesn't want to see me, but it's almost impossible not to at least run into each other in a corridor.

Sat behind me at the cinema was a mother and two teenage girls having a conversation amongst themselves (with mostly Mother talking) and kicking the back of the seats.

Mother goes for a pee. The kids aren't talking but at least one of them was still kicking the seats. I ask them "Please stop kicking the back of my chair" They do, all good.

Mother comes back, conversation resumes. I ask Mother "can you please shut up". She gives a half hearted fake apology.

Daughter then tells Mother I spoke to her.

"Did you speak to my child?"

"Yes I did, I asked her to stop kicking the back of my chair."

"But that's ridiculous, my chair is the one behind yours..."

"Well someone behind me was kicking the chairs, I felt it and asked them to stop."

"My god, are you that sensitive?"

"Apparently so."

"Oh well make sure you don't get too scared watching the scary movie."

Conversation between them didn't end I just couldn't be bothered arguing further.

Movie ends, I think "I'm going to get an earful off this woman" so leave as soon as the credits start to roll.

As I'm leaving I hear Mother come out and say "excuse me". I'm assuming she meant me, she was speaking to a girl behind the counter. I start to walk away. I then hear Mother say that a man abused her 14 year old daughter in there.

Counter-girl rightly had a horrified look on her face because of the liberal use of the word "abused". I walk over and said "that would be me" and explain what I said to Daughter. Counter-girl then calls over her manager.

I let Mother speak to Manager and then explain my side.

Manager says something like "this is just a cinema" clearly can't be bothered with this and I don't blame him.

Mother asks if there's CCTV in the screen, Manager says no. Then Mother walks away calling me a "bully" and a "horrible man". I leave also.

So, AMITA?

Hi All,

I have a savings account for purpose of which is to save up for "new teeth". My own teeth are all rammed full of fillings, the bottom row are not straight to say the least and two on the top row have irremovable stains and one needs a root canal. I hate my teeth so I would like a much more permanent solution to all my problems, I've also always had confidence issues about my smile. (I didn't look after my teeth well when I was young, but that's another story)

My aim is to save for all on four or all on six permanent dentures type thing. As a route to get decent looking teeth with no pain or infection problems. I have a savings account which I put in to every month to save for this and I think it will take another three or four years until I can afford them.

Last night, my girlfriend of about two years who is currently moving in asked how much I had saved in it. We are a little tight on money right now, I work full-time but she has been struggling to get more than 9 hours a week that she has to travel quite far for. I took her question as a bit of a threat quite frankly, that if she knew that I had a fair amount saved, then I might seem like a tight arse for not being more generous with money situations. She does know that I hate my teeth and that I want to save to get them fixed.

I said "none of your business" and I do now regret the tone that I used.

The next morning she was in tears saying things like she couldn't understand why I would keep a secret like that.

I have expressed to her that I regret seeming quite abrasive about what was possibly a fully innocent question on her part and explained that I thought personal savings were a private matter. I wouldn't ask her how much her savings were for example.

I now understand that some couples have full financial transparency with eachother. But I for some reason feel quite uncomfortable about that right now. I currently pay all the bills which is fine, I've been paying for everything myself for the last eight years or so and she does want to start contributing a bit which is great. I don't have any secret debts or anything like that to hide.

I know I could have handled the situation better but I'm wondering if I'm an arsehole for not telling her how much savings I have for a purpose of which I'm already considering as spent money?

edit: I am a man and the only man in this scenario

This happened some time ago. I was driving and stopped on a gas station. probably for coffee and had to go pee. I saw a long queue of around fifteen to twenty exclusively 30-something girls, definitely bit older than me. They probably were a sports team, since there was a hired couch bus waiting outside and they were mostly wearing sweats. There were separate stalls for men and women (one each), so I went for the men's room. It turned out locked, so I stood just outside it. One of the girls in the queue said that the back of the queue is "back there". I replied "sure, but I'm going to the men's room", understandably assuming they were queueing for the ladies room. To which she said "yeah but there's one queue for both". I am familiar with the concept of shared queues, but mostly from supermarkets or post office, where you would queue for several checkouts and just go to the first one that is free. Never encountered shared queues for gender-separated toilets, so I said "but the toilets are separate, I'm going to the men's room and you can queue for the ladies room" and simply went in without any more protest from them when the men's room emptied (and it was another girl in there).

Were I the asshole?

TL;DR: Some people who buy cigs from me expect me to remember their orders when I don't, and when they do it repeatedly I remember them because they're an asshole but I pretend that I don't. AITA?

I work at a gas station kiosk, and obviously I have a LOT of "regulars"... I remember a lot of them, but some people just walk up to my window and say something like "it's me again" and stare at me, as if I know who they are or what they want. A lot of them will do this repeatedly, and I end up remembering their order anyways because of how much of an asshole they are. That's when I pretend not to remember, even if it's the 100th time.

The newest one doesn't speak English, but this is the third time where this exact sequence played out:

He walks up to my window and says "one cigarette", to which I reply "which ones?" He says "lucky" so I grab regular Lucky Strikes, and he says "nonono" and points as if I can accurately judge what he's pointing to from that far away. After that doesn't work, he says "gold", so obviously I grab gold Lucky Strikes, and then he goes "no. no." again. He starts pointing again, and I still don't know what he's pointing at, so he makes a motion to indicate "the one to the right of that one." ...

He wants Lucky gold 100's, and at this point the only reason I remember his order is because he can't be fucked to remember how to say "hundreds". He'll say "lucky golds" after a lot of prying, so I don't think he should get a pass because of the language barrier.

This is the third time he's come up to my window and done this. I remember his cigarettes now, but next time I'm probably going to do the whole song and dance again. Me having your order before you get to the window is for people I remember, not for people who I remember because they can't be fucked to tell me what they want. AITA?

A year ago I was on a train from Italy to Germany, and I was assigned a seat in a cabin with 5 other people, kind of like the train from Harry Potter. I and almost everyone else in the cabin were using headphones to watch media, or reading a book. At one point, this middle aged lady pulls out her phone and starts watching something with the volume turned up, no headphones. I was going to ignore it if she only did it for a few minutes, but eventually like 10 minutes passed. So I unplugged my headphones, and started playing my movie at full volume and looked straight down at my phone. So now both of us were blasting some movie or tv show, while everyone else was getting annoyed. Eventually she turned off her sound, so I put my headphones back in. I realize I could have politely asked her, but as a foreign tourist who does not speak German or Italian, I assumed she wouldn't know English. AITAH?