trafguy

I know this is much easier to say than it is to internalize and believe, but it doesn't matter what any singular person thinks about you. There are people out there who do their best to understand and accept you as you are, without using what they learned to make half-assed guesses about the rest of who you are. They may be few and far between (or maybe not), but I know they exist. As soon as you start looking for those who accept you instead of trying to be accepted by those who don't, you'll be on a better course. And don't be afraid of anti-depressants. Depression makes yiu want to give up on fighting, makes you think nothing can help. It's a lie by which the illness sustains itself. By listening to that lie, you may protect yourself from harm, but you'll also "protect" yourself from finding happiness.

And remember, parents, old friends, etc. who don't necessarily get you too well aren't necessarily trying to be cruel, but you may never have quite the relationship with them you wish you could. They have their own problems from their own anxieties and abuse growing up, their own mental health issues, etc., and that can limit the depth of relationships they can achieve with you. Try to be patient, but don't drive yourself insane trying to achieve what isn't possible.

And if you feel like you don't belong, maybe you don't, and maybe that's okay. Maybe you're neurodivergent or simply have morals or interests that are incompatible with theirs. But the fact remains, there is someone who will accept you and with whom you can belong in peace, if you can open yourself up to let them. You haven't lost until the last time you give up on finding them. Giving up on something you still deeply care about, without eventually picking it back up again, is the only failure. It's okay to quit, but don't be afraid to come back to it if you care about it.

~ advice I try to accept myself, would give my younger self, and may hopefully be at least a little helpful for you

As others have said, intelligence manifests in many ways. It can also change over time for various reasons. Do you have a specific example in mind for a situation where you had a hard time coping with a person you considered less intelligent (or possibly witnessed a very frustrated person who you perceived as highly intelligent)? A specific example would make it clearer what particular struggles you're having.

One thing that helps is just trying to recognize that each person is unique and has their own strengths and weaknesses. Just because someone may struggle to effectively communicate, either by struggling to absorb or share information accurately and efficiently, doesn't mean they aren't able to learn and communicate well in other ways.

Try to speak to them as a person. Meet them where they are to the best of your ability, but without holding any notions of superiority (it's rude and unproductive to be condescending). And if they're not communicating with logic, bear in mind you can't convince them with logic, and you may find you're better off leaving them be and continuing with your day.

Or do you perhaps mean that others react poorly to the way you communicate? The above advice could still help a lot with that, but you may, like me, have some challenges with emotional intelligence or interpersonal skills. If others are targeting you for harassment, they may feel threatened by your behavior or otherwise have a tribalistic instinctive recognition that you stand out. So you could choose to learn that language or find ways to avoid those types of reactive people, which could include bringing in people with authority to mediate depending on your situation.

When things start getting bad enough that people in power at the moment are deeply affected, we'll see an incentive to focus on immediate solutions that actually work. That's when the window for drastic measures opens. For now, it's just a waiting game. Vote for the least worst candidate, donate if you can, and do your best to explain the situation without freaking people out so much they won't listen. Hopefully renewable energy wins that race, but as long as it hits the rich before we hit collapse, there's a chance for drastic measures to occur and work.

I'm currently working full time in web development. Cost of living is just crazy compared to what I've been able to find for suitable employment, and while it doesn't help that the types of work I tolerate well are perhaps limited by neurodivergence, I don't think it's the primary factor.

But that's beside the point. I was more just saying that there are definitely people who can present as though they're doing about as well as you could expect of a person with their background without considering neurodivergence, but still qualify for a diagnosis. Or put another way, it's possible, in some cases, to work hard enough to fly under the radar and not even recognize it yourself. I didn't have any issues with independence, really, until I hit an intense burnout from extreme levels of overwork and overall stress. I wouldn't be shocked to learn of others in my position, so I'm hesitant to suggest someone may not resonate fully with the experience just because they haven't hit their limit yet.

We already have technology that could be deployed to save us, it's just a matter of producing enough of it and deciding that the risks are outweighed by the danger of doing nothing. We could deploy mirrors to block a portion of solar rays to reduce global temperature, engineer hyper-sequestering ferns (similar to the cause of a previous ice age), paint surfaces to increase global albedo, etc.

Each of these could massively disrupt ecosystems and climate due to the abrupt change, or who knows what else.

As long as we're still around and still have access to the tools that enable mass production and bioengineering, there are things we can try. Are we trying them? None of the super risky ones that would actually pull us back from a tipping point, and not enough of the less dangerous solutions to reach net zero, but there's momentum building.

If you are able to function independently, then you probably won’t be clinically diagnosed even if you have some struggles here and there.

I disagree. I have official diagnoses for both ADHD and ASD and am mostly functional most of the time. If I earned enough, I'd be living on my own. I was diagnosed as an adult within the past few years while working nearly full time and I made it on time to each of the several appointments that went into getting that diagnosis. If what you say is true, I doubt the assessor would have been willing to give a diagnosis.

I've heard this is a problem among nurses. Having just enough knowledge to be able to think you know what you're doing is dangerous. I suppose that's also a reason education shouldn't stop at the bare minimum to perform your work tasks. (obviously not all nurses, but statistically much more so than doctors)

You know, I hadn't thought about it too much in this context, but I do more or less the same. When I'm around anyone at all, I'm conscious of all my behaviors. The only way I can really turn it off is weed/alcohol, and even then the instinct is just dulled a little, not switched off. I don't think the majority of people are nearly that aware of how each movement or sound they make might be perceived by others. It's largely unconscious for most. And I don't think it's an inherent wiring difference either.

I think growing up different and constantly having it impressed upon you that every single way you're different is wrong takes a toll. Other people are pushing you into a box and demanding you behave this way, not that way. Until you either learn to reject (at least some of) those rules or are pushed so far you burn out and can no longer conform, it's constant stress. And it's so constant that you probably aren't even fully aware of it, particularly if you're also alexithymic and generally have to work harder to identify your emotional state/response to a situation under the best of circumstances.

This leads me to another aspect. If we're viewed as too rigid, then allistics' intrinsic/core selves are perhaps comparatively more malleable. Their core underlying personality is perhaps more ready to adopt the behaviors and beliefs of the group. Quicker to be guided by faith. In which case, perhaps for an allistic person, this pushing and prodding doesn't create this emotional/mental tension in the same way it does when it pushes an autist to mask. Granted, this feels like it's painting an unreasonably broad brush, but maybe there's something to it.

Also, the most solitary jobs I know of are in the tech industry. Otherwise, for really isolated jobs, maybe fire watch or possibly lighthouse work if there are openings. If you have relevant skills, you might be able to work in web design, system administration, or as a programmer ("individual contributor") with minimal public interaction. I'm lucky enough that my managers have more or less recognized that I'm very reluctant to deal directly with customers, so I only have to interact with my small team for the most part. This likely would hurt my ability to progress to higher pay, but certainly avoids certain types of stress, and with the way the last half a decade has gone, I'm only just now reaching a point where I might have energy for that broader social interaction again.

I think you'd need to start by getting them to admit that the heat is a problem without mentioning climate change. Don't use any of the buzz words they've been taught how to respond to. Just try to get them to have a conversation where they have to come up with their own answers.

In fact, maybe don't even start off with anything related to the topics they've been told what to think about. Ask about something they care about more directly that isn't on their party's agenda. You'd need to keep at it long enough for them to start understanding you're not their enemy, which could be anywhere from a few hours to a few weeks/months, depending on how deeply entrenched they are. Then, start trying to work towards the lesser issues their authority doesn't bring up often but has expressed an opinion on. Basically, you need to de-indoctrinate them.

If you can get them to talk about an issue without recognizing immediately that they're in danger of contradicting their chosen authorities, then slowly transition towards getting them to talk about more and more "dangerous" topics, you might help them to bridge that disconnect and start thinking critically about the key issues.

That all said, You'll have an easier time working with people who haven't been deeply entrenched in an authoritarian ideology. The less developed their beliefs, the easier it'll be to guide them towards thinking about their beliefs critically. That's one reason it's so important to teach critical thinking in primary/secondary schools.

logic will never convince them because they aren't arguing from a position of logic. It's about conforming to the beliefs required to be part of their tribe and/or protecting themselves from coming to terms with the harsh realities of climate change. It's reactionary against a challenge to their beliefs.

You would need to first convince them to consider that their respected authorities could be wrong. But within this reactionary mindset, being wrong is disgraceful. So unless they lose respect for their leaders or manage to shift away from believing fallibility is disgraceful, I don't know if they can be convinced.

So I designed the company in a way that makes my personal limits less of a problem...

Interesting. It sounds to me like you used your strengths to streamline your process such that your limits don't come up as much. By working towards solutions that accommodated your limits, you built software that would make life easier for anyone (provided they can figure out the software). The same approach would probably work well for me.

they found a flaw in our contracts and took off with like 50k [+250k in damages]

Ah, that would make me hesitant to take on partners too. I've had some small setbacks from trusting people, but never quite that much (granted, I've never had that much to lose). Sucks you had that happen. Crazy that it was a previously reliable employee who turned on you like that too.

I don't know that I would be able to work with partners I couldn't trust. Even if I could keep them at arms length and remain suspicious, the added effort of having to handle that on top of everything else wouldn't be worth it, not to mention there would be too high of a chance they'd eventually stab me in the back. If it's a choice between working with someone I can't trust or trying to go at it alone, working alone is definitely a better choice. I agree with you there. I'll keep that in mind as I continue working on this problem. If I do look for a business partner, I'd be looking for someone who comes across as unflinchingly transparent, and whose transparency reveals strong integrity and a collaborative spirit.