I was afraid. Still am. Basically I learned at a young age expressing my preferred gender would cause me harm, and that it would be terrible if anyone ever found out about it. I was aware that there was something I desperately wanted to feel but was terrified to face or understand it. So I constructed ways to access that feeling in a cheap and pornographic manner that barely satisfied the need. Fortunately I realized I can feel it any time I want by just telling myself, "I'm a girl." or when people use feminine pronouns. It took me forty years to figure it out.
subverted_per
joined 2 years ago
Do you remember the last thing you told yourself was a reason you "couldn't be trans" before your egg cracked?
Thank you. It's not about the makeup so much as that's one thing that is complex and intimidating among many things that are complex and intimidating about being a woman. It's the first thing I thought of, and I don't even know where to begin. I don't even have to wear makeup, many women don't. I feel like I'm at the bottom of a hill that looks steep and intimidating, I don't know if I can get to the top but at the same time this is just the first hill of the rocky mountains, and I have to get to the other side.
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"But I don't want to fix the problem, I want to punish people." A conservative, probably.