I completely get the stance you have. I just can't agree with the view that the instances are as bad as fascist instances. I mean some of the communities there definitely express heinous views don't get me wrong, but they're a leftist instance with many different types of leftism. There's the extremist "tankie" communities (one might call them) with all the Russian and North Korean apologia (yes, internet MLs think North Korea is free and democratic), then there's most of the rest of the instance with well-adjusted but very leftist views. This goes for .ml and hexbear but, I haven't seen much of anything other than authoritarian communism on lemmygrad so I can't say anything positive about that.
I think most instances have their extremely problematic areas that those admins don't see as problems, and we have to weigh whether those problems are serious enough to cause major problems for lemm.ee. Seemingly in our admins' opinions, and my opinion, hexbear and .ml are easily dealt with by just blocking them. I have seen a ton of cryptofascists and actual pedophiles from some other specific large instances (cough .world), and while I certainly put some blame on the instance admins for catering towards people with those views somewhat, I don't want to defederate from them. There's tons of good reason to federate with .world, and tons of good reason to federate with .ml, and with hexbear. They all contribute a lot of non-political stuff to my feed. Hexbear has probably the best trans communities along with blahaj.zone, probably like 1/3 of the posts in my feed are from .ml plus .world.
IMO, since there are a lot of instances that defederate those instances already, the classic use of the Fediverse is to have your account on one of those instances. Or to block the instance if you don't want to go that far. I go on lemm.ee specifically so I can see all the fediverse has to offer without having to change between a bunch of different accounts because of defederation. I don't want the LGBT and leftist communities I participate in to be blocked because a bunch of guys in the instance have really bad opinions. Unless they're spreading abuse content or something, I'd probably rather be able to see the instance.
Sorry for the wall of text, but defederation is an important topic that affects everyone on the site, I think it should have a lot of elaboration.
Holy shit REAL