piranhaconda

Seconding this. I thought I was fine once I made it through college without therapy. Ha! All the shit I'd just bottled up for years was still sitting there, packed nicely in its little bottle, waiting to explode.

Ended up going through a couple years worth of therapy in my late 20s / early 30s

I kind of assumed woman based on the fact that OP's username is Jessica, but I could be wrong

My 2011 MacBook pro is still chugging along thanks to Linux.

I upgraded 4GB RAM to 16GB, upgraded the HDD to SSD, and replaced the CD drive with a second SSD. Sadly the screen is almost completely gone, occasionally intermittent, probably a cable gone bad, not sure, but the mini display port is working fine for an external monitor.

This needs an edit to "what if I see a billionaire" after that bee that took a dive down the dude's throat.

Too soon?

I used to use this, but apparently that was passive aggressive. So I switched to "best" but apparently now that's passive aggressive too. What am I supposed to say??

Uncircumcised

There's a math joke I remember hearing ~10 years ago, I can't remember the whole thing, but it was something about a mathematician not being able to tell the difference between a coffee mug and a donut, they have the same number of holes so they're the same shape.

Edit:

I have sciatic nerve pain that occasionally flairs up while sitting in those uncomfortable seats for hours. I'm standing immediately to stretch a bit, that's also why I always try to get an aisle seat

Anyone who works at an airport can call security on you and get you arrested. My ex with anger issues started going off on someone at the front desk and we almost didn't make a flight.

Yep. Depends on your exact laptop if there's space for a second drive. On my old 2011 MacBook pro I uninstalled the CD drive and installed a second SSD. Well, upgrading the HDD to SSD in the first place... THEN a second SSD

I have beheld your dragon. You may proceed with the extra abilities of the spell you're casting

("Behold" is a new magic the gathering mechanic for anyone rightfully confused by my comment https://draftsim.com/mtg-behold/)

Damn, I've never blasphemed that one. I may die and end up in heaven due to my religious upbringing. Can't have that...

FUCK THE HOLY SPIRIT