hexbee

No, I'm not critiquing your behaviour! Just struggling to make the connection of how your suggestion about mod behaviour improves the situation for marginalised comrades I guess? Since like you say, most of the time we will already begin the engagement respectfully if we do at all

there's a boat floating down the river that we're stuck in, and we're approaching a massive waterfall

Ok so then you're in a full on disagreement about your existence. Shit is tiring (like we keep saying) and many people choose to bounce instead of waiting for the settler leftists to find it in themselves to be better on racism or fatphobia.

I already regret posting this but fuck it

Overall I think you're really underestimating how many ways there are to dismiss marginalised peoples forcefull corrections, as well as the intensity of peoples' self-righteousness. For marginalised people to be "forcefully pointing what is wrong and not inviting a response" isn't any less tiring for them, not to mention that they have been doing that already, this whole time. It doesn't stop responses of denial ("well I was just saying for me personally", "I'm just talking about my own experience"), it doesn't stop minimising and it doesn't stop the lurkers who also don't want to examine their shit from upvoting the responses that barely make sense, but ostensibly disprove the marginalised person's point, since it's easier to maintain the dissonance than it is to do any self reflection. After all "it's just a shitposting site, what did you expect"

Some of the most irony poisoned users are also the same ones that don't believe anyone's word on anything because they could be an imagined wrecker or cop lying about their marginalisation just to stir shit up and disrupt their based posting with "identity politics that are just meant to divide us!"

Others are just too privileged and comfortable to truly give a shit and unpack the harm they might be unintentionally perpetuating, because "I didn't mean it! Therefore I'm still a Good Person™, therefore how dare anyone be mean to such a Good Person™ like me!?! Clearly they're engaging in bad faith and I shouldn't listen to them."

The way I see it, a marginalised person can rightly only go through that so many times before coming to conclusions about whose feelings matter more on this site and fucking off, as many have.

Another awful thing is when people leave messages in the thread saying they're going to help, and then don't follow through.

All the social cred of being a good person, with none of the work!

and think "Oh this person has been helped now, I needn't bother.

I always assume the person still needs help unless the post has been edited to indicate otherwise, but we're all built different I guess

And you're left wondering whether they just changed their mind or whether they were playing you the whole time. And it's much worse than if nobody had offered help at all because to get that offer of help when you are desperate is such a relief, you check back your messages several times a day with such hope, wondering when you'll finally get to eat, or get whatever you need, and after several days (or even weeks in my previously mentioned case) comes the sinking feeling and realisation that they aren't going to follow through.

So real, you describe the feeling very well... Maybe it comes down to people severely devaluing the power of their own words? It's pretty popular to lie on your CV or give out fake it till you make it advice, so maybe people just say things... aspirationally?? I would say more, but it feels like anything I write is going to devolve into vitriolic bullshit and I don't even have the energy for that right now

Not exactly the same, but lots of similarly eagerly supportive people have repeatedly told me things like "just let me know if I can do anything" after we connect, but then get cold feet once I actually get into any specifics. It's like they're fully acting out a fantasy in which they're good, helpful people, but it only lasts until the moment that it inconveniences them or isn't 100% about them anymore.

not to mention the multiple people who've strung me along with promises of help but don't follow through, so I'm contacting them repeatedly over time before giving up.

god, this really hits home...

<3