chloespanked

Wonderful erotic stuff! I think I liked the parts about how IMs should think, behave, and be treated most. Like how they should always focus on their partner's sexual pleasure - even masturbation should focus on them servicing a partner.

As an IM, I'm looking for ways to sustain IM headspace. I think it's easy for me to focus too much on my vestige when I should be focusing on servicing others and punishing myself for not behaving properly - as a loving reminder of self-acceptance as an IM.

One suggestion I had was about stimulation during masturbation. Since the IM's focus should be on servicing others, perhaps their stimulation should be watching their partner masturbate or, even better, their partner sitting on their face, etc. 💕

Thanks for the reply 🥰

The “beta” term is tough - I hate how it’s used politically and by total shitheads, but otherwise I really like the term.

Agreed. I like using terms with myself creatively - maybe borrowing just some of what they mean to others - just to help me discover what I'm truly after. (In English, we work with such a limited palette of words and concepts when it comes to gender and how it is experienced.) But when speaking with others - especially those who don't share my point of view - I'm realizing it's best to use terms as other people understand them, so that they understand the bigger picture of what I'm trying to say. This person uses "inadequate man:" https://lemmynsfw.com/post/27939314

When you say “this is what’s humiliating to me”, do you mean the idea of shrinking your penis?

More or less. I guess what's humiliating for me is not caring about my penis as a sexual object (or myself as a dominant sexual partner), and how that defies traditional cishet sexual scripts/notions. This manifests itself in many ways like fancying the idea of shrinking my cock, enjoying erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation, finding "pussyfree" and cuckoldry hot, and the hypothetical thrill of someone seeing me in my chastity cage. I'm just articulating a truth upon realizing it: it'd be incredibly validating for me to be in a relationship with a partner who accepted me wearing a chastity cage a lot of the time. Things I like about my penis are that it makes peeing easier, and I like to fap. I would love to be "anal only" in terms of orgasms but I think I've fapped for so long that I don't know if I could stop or replace it (e.g., vibe on penis) without some huge drop-off in satisfaction (and maybe mental stability). When I say I like to fap, I mean I like its effectiveness at relieving horniness (when I want that) and I sometimes use it as a go-to-sleep aid. I never make a big production out of fapping like I would anal masturbation.

apart from me not being trans.

I have a pretty broad notion of the term trans. I'm comfortable self-applying it on c/sissy but not IRL at work - this gets back to personalized versus popular definitions. I feel, popularly, the notion of trans is too black-or-white (I could say binary but that's confusing :). While I feel like gender dysphoria is sufficient to be "on the trans spectrum," trans commonly means that someone is or plans to socially and medically transition genders. That's like a circular definition. What's stopping me from going on estrogen and anti-androgens right now? The increasingly trans-hating climate plays a part. But really it's lack of financial security. And my current ability to act on things for material or environmental reasons doesn't really matter as much as how I see myself, what I fantasize about, or what kind of relationships I want to have.

I'm curious but completely understand if you'd prefer not share. For you, is being feminine purely a matter of kink and/or crossdressing?

Chastity
I've been focused on chastity lately. I have come to realize that I don't think I want a PA piercing to secure chastity with. The inescapability seems so hot but issues with peeing neatly, having to worry about a fistula down there, and having to take a break from chastity while the piercing heals and gets stretched out will deter me for the time being.

I like the idea of wearing chastity everyday and taking it off at night, for now, even though taking it only off for cleaning every few days is the dream. To support this, I've explored different oils and the like for lubricating my chastity ring. Silicone lube is the best thing I've found so far. I balked at the price, as it's much more expensive than water-based lubricant, mL for mL, but it goes much further. It's not much exaggeration to say that less than a green pea amount of lube might last me a (12-hour) day. Not only does a little go a long way, but I haven't noticed it showing up on my panties or anything like that, which might be due to how little is necessary. I'm thinking about getting myself a time-locking safe for chastity play after I complete my next big work task.

Nails
I've gotten increasingly comfortable with fingernail polish in public. I've started getting my nails done at a salon, which was a big step for me but it's been worth it as it's increased my confidence due to it feeling more normal and I've picked up some tips. I'm a little shy about showing off my matching pedi that I did myself.

Humiliation
In my world of kink, humiliation is more tightly coupled with emasculation rather than feminization; for example, sph, forced chastity, cuckoldry. I didn't like the idea of 'beta males' when I first encountered it online. However, the more I made it my own, the more it fits what I'm into - perhaps even better than "sissy." I can make a case that sissy doesn't fit me that well because 1) I attribute my feminization to being trans, 2) I attribute attraction to cocks to being pan, and 3) I haven't been slutty for a long time. The thing that resonates with me, deeply, is that I grew up watching heterosexual porn and I find it really hot, I want to be around it, but even though I'm male and attracted to the women I don't want to be the phallus. That's probably dysphoria. It's a sexual role I don't want to take on. I would 'top,' in the context of a loving relationship where there's give and take, but I'd rather have sex with a strap-on or without using my penis (e.g. cunnilingus only).

I have a very social contructionist view of gender presentation. How I express myself is coloured not just by who I am but what's safe or not, easy or not for me to express. I know that socially it might be seen as embarrassing to have visible bra lines as someone who presents mostly like a man. But I don't personalize that any more than I do not wanting to walk around (unknowingly) with food on my face. I like good men - men who reflect masculinity well. But I don't want to be masculine. It feels very transgressive to me to identify as someone who doesn't feel compelled to transition gender in a binary gender framework, but who rejects a socially prescribed role for their penis. I wish I could shrink it. This is a very personal feeling and relationship with my body. This is what is most humiliating to me, even if that term doesn't fit; or if it does it's as good humiliation versus bad humiliation. Apologies for going a different direction with this and for being anything less than coherent.

This question's kind of intimidating vs "what were some of the signs"? :P Here's one of my signs. I was around puberty age (~11-12 yo) and I would anal masturbate with objects I had and saliva (and I would probably jack off afterwards - I don't remember). Anyway, I played sports, and I had a jockstrap with a hard cup (to protect the genitals from contact in sports play). And I improvised a chastity belt. I cut some slits in the waistband of the jockstrap, I put the jockstrap with cup on, and then I interwove a belt into the slits of the jockstrap to secure it with the belt, and then I fastened the belt and secured it with a padlock 😎

This is an incredibly hot pose 🔥 Your navel provides a good reference point. With that cock reaching an inch over your navel as you lie on you back - that thing is massive 🤤. You definitely haven't got me horny and thinking about sucking that massive cock of yours

Linen gang represent >.<!! Belly button piercings are one of the easiest to heal and maintain though ;). Thanks for the post and getting some discussion going 😘

Problems or concerns: I've had a hard time getting nose jewelry I like in my nose. After much trial and error, I think I've landed on short and longer-term solutions. The longer-term solution requires buying some tools (threadless taper, hemostat(s)) so that I can change my jewelry at home. Right now I have some ugly thing in my nose that's keeping the fistula open.

Brag: I bought a short sleeve button-up shirt made of linen yesterday. It will be cool for summer. It's not that baggy but it conceals a bralette. This was a win because I want shirts that I can secretly wear bralettes under but I don't want to feel bulky or too hot during the summer.

I recommend chastity cages for interested sissies who've never tried them. You might associate the cage with prevention of sexual activity for days or weeks. However, chastity cages can be a hot precursor to masturbation or sex - feeling like you don't have a penis and doing some anal masturbation maybe. They can also be used to leverage some domming from your partner; e.g., she decides when it's time to unlock you for sex.

My path to sissyhood consisted of noting some feminine and/or submissive and sexy things that I really liked. It would be fair to say that I had whaletail (i.e., when a thong rides up), nail polish, and spanking fetishes. In fact, there was a forum dedicated to women whaletails back in the day. Eventually I realized that these things that I found hot on women I also found hot doing myself. So I started wearing thongs and painting my nails.

I had a pretty powerful insight when I realized that I'd rather paint my fingernails than shave my face/beard prior to a hookup - if it were and A vs B choice. And I think this is because I can see my painted fingernails whereas other people see my face. It also revealed to me a basic desire to feel feminine, at least in my own head.

For me, I think the sissy fetish can be a good way of learning about one's feminine urges. But the community can be kind of unthinking and engagement in it can be self-limiting. I see myself having both transfeminine gender and sissy kink needs. I try to express much of my feminine urges through transfeminine gender expression (e.g., earrings, long hair, painted fingernails), because I think it's psychologically healthier for me if/when I can reveal this part of myself to others and feel validated for who I am. If I'm compulsively watching porn and anal masturbating, meanwhile I haven't washed my hair or left the house in a few days, that's sign to me that my sissy kinks are doing too much of the heavy lifting. I then try to course correct by putting a little more energy into transfeminine gender expression.

Great vid! Your work outfit is hawt. I'm considering a PA, hence the question. Did the PA cause you to change your masturbation grip and, if so, what's that adjustment like (edit: satisfaction-wise)?

Right on! There's overlap in what we're into. Maybe a 3some with another guy for her to get used to that more would work for you two.

We haven’t explored the kink beyond her dressing provocatively, wearing skimpy bikinis and thongs in public, and taking her to nude beaches.

Hawt ;) 🔥 Have fun

I [M/ enby] love your posts here - thank you. I too get really horny thinking about being cucked and adjacent topics. I've never explored cuckolding IRL, but I'd love to.

My cuckolding fantasies involve a Bull with a thick cock, who can fuck like a pro and makes my hotwife come from penetration alone.

Ideally I am close to 24/7 caged and have a PIV-free relationship that is cunnilingus and female pleasure-focused. The idea of having never penetrated my GF/hotwife - except maybe with a strap-on - but seeing/knowing other guys often do is such a turn-on for me.

What cuckolding ideas do you like?

She's great. Hands tied and pulled - yes please. Not to mention great thrusting

Very hot. The bull bringing out hypersexuality in a hotwife - like an enthusiastic facial - is so hot