chloespanked

Thanks to MaybeALittleBitWeird and K.K. for keeping this place going ❤️. I have a lot to say about this month's questions, so I'm just going to dive in.

confusion and shame that comes along with subverting societal expectations regarding gender and sex

I've been a sissy on and off for about 10 years. 85% of my lifetime experience of presenting more femininely in public has been in the last year. It's been illuminating about many things. It's illuminated that I have/had much more confusion and shame about presenting femme than I realized. I think that's because for a long time I did not feel safe presenting this way in public, telling people close to me that I wanted to, or even privately acknowledging it to myself. The Tl;Dr is that I realize I have this vestigial (i.e., outdated, obsolete) 'gender police' in my head that I have built over years; it's still quite powerful and it unconsciously biases me to sense more risk about being feminine in pubic than my lived experience ever has suggested is warranted - and it's not even close. It's surprised me to clearly see after a while that I have more introjected transphobia than non-bigoted cis people have transphobia or even lack-of-acceptance for trans people. (I think as a crude test of internalized transphobia, see how comfortable are you making polite eye contact with and smiling at an enby or trans person you pass by on the street.)

presenting as in public

Just to add that there is no singular public. Presenting feminine in a cab to a gay nightclub and back is different than being feminine around your parents, going to work, running an errand, etc. I read a study of enby people recently and the norm is that people are 'out' to varying degrees with different people or groups in their lives.

How feminine are you comfortable with presenting in public (if you are at all) and where do you draw the line with what is and is not okay to do in public regarding your gender expression?

Long hair in a bun, double huggie earrings, clean shaven or waiting for my next shave (sensitive skin, laziness about things I don't see :P), and a plain anklet are my baseline. For the last few weeks I've been rocking painted fingers and toes full-time. I just shaved my legs 😝

Legally, bathroom-wise, and socially (e.g., pronouns, brother/sister), I think I plan to stay identifying publicly as a man. I don't think I ought to limit my gender expression for anyone's sake per se, but my choice is to present in a way that I think cishet people will understand; and I see that as a somewhat feminine man - not far off from a feminine variety of gay. Wearing makeup and a dress would not fit that mould, imo (although special crossdress nights might be fun). There are some environments where I don't (yet) feel that comfortable wearing colourful fingernail polish in - like my neighbourhood fitness gym. (A lot of people trying to stifle mtf-curiosity do so with excessive exercise, whether or not they're aware of it. I was one of them in the past. There will be more looks than usual at the gym - ha!)

What were some of the challenges you needed to overcome to get yourself to that point?

So, nail polish has been my big drive lately. I started off wearing 'barely noticeable' colours, but I found it better psychologically to gain my 'comfort footing' with more noticeable colours. If my nails were subtle enough that many wouldn't notice, I was hypervigilant about people noticing. But, when I made the choice to wear black polish, for example, and accept that people would notice - I realized that noticing isn't bad. In fact, most of us like being noticed most of the time, I think. But we don't like be stared at, or worse. I recommend that latter experience of - just go with something people will notice and see how safe it actually is [eg, how many genuine stares or negative remarks you actually get] - with whatever you want to try. And, if your thing is also nail polish and you want a 'plausible alibi' just in case, do black around Halloween. Or just Halloween in general.

I think I also shifted from seeing things in black or white about whether or not something is or isn't safe to wear out, to more of a "try it and let's see" approach. I don't think there's anything wrong with painting your nails, feeling like you're getting more attention than you're comfortable getting then and there, taking it off, and trying it again another situation. In fact, I think it's very useful to appreciate to recognize how important personal comfort level, versus objective riskiness of the situation, is to our perception of risk in expressing femininely out and about

You're on the front page of lemmynsfw (active feed) as I write this. Slaaaaaaaay, bitch 😘

Thanks for your comments! Yeah, I identify as trans-feminine, and I enjoy sissy, chastity, cuckoldry, spanking, and beta male fetishes. I can't comment much now, and I respect your status as creator of IM. I think I was interpreting the M (man) in IM in a sexual sense - ie, if you're male do you have a penis that can perform intercourse adequately or not, and how gendered you're dressed doesn't matter. In your elaboration, IM seems to include a man retaining the typical social and appearance ways of cismen. That's valid. I regard kinks like a buffet. Take (parts of) what I like, leave the rest. I hope to see more of your work :)

Hiya 😛, yw/ty. Yeah, light-coloured bodyhair colour is big-time found-money for sissies, I reckon. You deserve it though 😝. (I have dark hair and light skin - so much contrast 😔). If you want to keep that slutty feeling going, zoom in on the pic - I think you're dripping a little from that cage 😏 Maybe from presenting yourself in that pose?

You look so hot I'm even having thoughts about topping ;) I'm jelly of how smooth (ie, hairless) you are. That buttplug looks comfy. I always want a plug with some sufficient external end so that it doesn't get lost, but I find outside parts often get uncomfortable when between the cheeks over multiple hours. The external bits on this one look friendlier in that respect

You look great! Fabulous photos. My favourite part is your smile on the right :)

Thank you!! That's wonderful advice and I really appreciate the offer to chat. You've given me lots to think about :)

Good to know, thank you! I was going to ask if the greater price than a Cherry Keeper is worth it, but I think you answered my question (yes)

I have dressed androgynous/femme out in the real world a few times

I admire your courage!! If you have any tips, I'd love them :P. I guess the more I realize how good it feels to be femme, the more reason I have to find the courage to express that, for personal and social fulfillment. Things feel more real and exciting when I'm being closer to the real me. And it feels like people are either accepting me or not; versus in boy-mode it feels like they like my mask or they don't, and the authenticity, validation, connection of the interaction feels minor. But the things trans people go through - like the effort of a consistent transgendered presentation, using public bathrooms, dealing with bigots - sound too challenging and inspire fear in me.

I think what I glean from your situation is that having a supportive partner is like half the battle. Maybe I should also shift my perspective from "no, I wont' transition, because there's not way I could do it today" to "not right not, but maybe after I have more financial security." Because while I feel too intimidated to pursue transitioning right now there's a part of me that feels like I'm living life sitting on the sidelines if I'm not trying to grow some tits (as an example). Perhaps a mindset of it's something I'm working towards might help me find a little more motivation to face life in general. Have a great start to the week!

Good to know, thank you! The material does look really smooth (from an anti-chafing perspective)

You look hawt 🔥 Is that a Kink3d Cobra cage?

I don't think so. You're hawt