boogetyboo

Off topic but why the fuck is there an X on the ad box if it doesn't actually close the ad window

What you're referring to is called 'active listening'.

It's demonstrating via body language and/or vocalising that the speaker has your attention. It can go further to demonstrating you understand what's being said but that's not always the case.

No one is ND in my household as far as I'm aware, but I did have a similar issue with my partner. When he speaks to me, I put down my phone or book, or pause/mute the TV, look at him and make eye contact and at the very least make 'mm' noises, or 'really?' 'wow' 'huh' 'ok' or paraphrase what he's said to either confirm or demonstrate I understand him. It's how I was brought up. It's how I function at work.

He does none of those things and will get annoyed if I stop taking and ask if he's listening. He always says he is, but gives absolutely no visual or audible signs that he is.

So it became a point of contention in our relationship. For me what he was doing was rude. I felt stupid talking into the void with no response. Whereas he said he didn't feel that responding was necessary.

My first approach was passive aggression, I'm not proud to say. I started doing exactly what he was doing when I spoke to him. He haaaaaated it. Kept pausing to ask if I was listening. Got to the point where he'd pick up the remote and pause what I was watching before he started talking to me. It was ridiculous on both our parts and caused a tonne of fights. But the one positive was that I could say to him 'do you know how rude I felt behaving that way? Did it feel rude to you? Why? Surely you're not knowingly being rude to me?'

Anyway, the penny dropped. Now he knows he has to give me a perfunctory grunt when I start speaking to indicate he's listening. And honestly that's enough for me. If it's a serious issue or I need his input (so I'm not just rambling about something funny I read or venting about work), I'll pause, he'll notice and he'll drop whatever he's doing to give me attention.

So that's all to say, if the person genuinely is listening, they may just need to be told that they're creating frustration for both of you, and it's perceived as rude. That all they have to do is make a sound of acknowledgment. That more will be expected from them in the workplace and now might be a good time to start practicing. YMMV with ND but it's a worthwhile conversation.

We call them slaters, or slater beetles in Aus

It has lasting effects. My childhood was on the poverty line. I'm now, due to plenty of hard work but let's face it - luck and opportunity (I'm very aware of my privilege in this regard), I'm now considered a high income earner in my country.

But I still struggle to make purchasing decisions without extremely close scrutiny of the value comparisons. I harbour anxiety about running out of money, despite being comfortable and debt free.

My childhood left permanent scars. When you are poor your baseline is stress. It impacts everything you think and do. Even when your situation changes, you can't completely shake it off.

I think people who've never experienced it, somehow think it's compartmentalized from the rest of your life. Like, 'oh well, I have no money - that's ok, everything else is fine'. It pervades every part of your identity.

See my above response. It's honestly not helpful advice sometimes.

Often the only answer is quitting/doing something completely different. And that often isn't possible for people.

Oh I work for myself now, this was years ago, I'm a far better employer :)

But be careful with this kind of advice. Some people's jobs require that they do need to worry about things they can't control. Other people, namely. And that's literally the job description.

The addict's prayer or whatever it's called is not applicable to a lot of jobs.

This just reminded me of a moment I had, years ago.

I was so stressed from work, working on my 6th burnout for the year.

I was meant to be getting stuff for dinner from the supermarket.

I had money, that wasn't the issue. But I didn't have a shopping list. My partner and I had just briefly discussed myself 'picking up something' on my way home.

I was paralyzed. My thoughts wouldn't align or connect. I couldn't think of any dinner option we'd ever had. So I couldn't configure a shopping list in my head. I think I stood in the canned vegetable aisle and just stared ahead, trying not to cry.

I ended up sitting on a bench in the middle of the shopping centre trying to write a list on my phone. Eventually I had to call my partner and tell him I wasn't okay and he needed to come get me.

Long story lacking events I know. But this meme made me think. Short of family emergency/death of loved ones, work is the only thing that has placed that kind of stress on me. Even in grief I have a sense of one foot in front of the other for any particular task. But burn out made me immobile. Completely saturated my brain and made it stop working.

Our brains aren't built for that. They shouldn't be.

Doubtful this person has met or seen a person of colour.

We have a couple of bikes in our garage. In Australian summers it gets to a minimum of 50°c in there. No explosions to date.

The Shovel is like an Australian 'The Onion'

I hope you're cute

'atheism is a religion ' - you 14, mate?