SterlingPooper

joined 5 years ago
[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago) (4 children)

SpoilerFinally looking at the local queer events and I once again have a bunch of conflicts

I once again ask, how the fuck and when the fuck am I supposed to be making friends

I really need there to be explicit "well, I guess that makes us friends" kinds of moments or, I shit you not, I will not make any inferences from the interaction. I'll assume you meant well but would ultimately rather never see me again.

If you indicate that you will see me around, or express interest in future plans, that's pretty clear too, although if we don't set it up then, I don't really know if you meant it. I myself don't feel this agency in most situations, because I assume that the other person is more in the position to say "I like this person, the interaction shall continue". Like I have less of an opinion, somehow, or less of a say?

I can't do the lonely thing my whole life like some people can. This is gonna whittle me down.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

Honestly, idk. Like, it'd be cool both to have more friends and to have a partner. I can only seem to focus on one person at a time. I'm just so sick of being alone.

I'm so fucking sick of it. I've been trying for years.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 weeks ago (4 children)

end of June thoughtsSomehow I'm never in town for the queer meetups. If I didn't know any better I'd assume they're scheduling things when I can't go, but it's just a really annoying coincidence every time.

Gonna try again to find an in-person therapist. One place just has an intake form on their website, and it feels sketchy to fill it out and input all my info without like, talking to someone I guess?

I can also go through my university I'm pretty sure. It's annoying because obviously there are resources, but they're just elusive somehow? And there are queer people around but like, I just don't see all that many events that appeal to me?

Other people appear to be meet up with people they already know. I don't know a single other queer person on campus. I don't see an obvious opportunity to meet people.

I also know that I'm fucking weird in that I'd be way more likely to go to more things if I had one person. I need to be made to socialize, frankly.

I'm using Tinder again because I don't know where or how people meet around here. I want a relationship, but I also have zero friends, and I don't know what I want or who I want to be when I'm in a relationship.

You'd think the more you post the more others would engage, but there's probably something there that I'm missing too.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 weeks ago

end of June thoughtsSomehow I'm never in town for the queer meetups. If I didn't know any better I'd assume they're scheduling things when I can't go, but it's just a really annoying coincidence every time.

Gonna try again to find an in-person therapist. One place just has an intake form on their website, and it feels sketchy to fill it out and input all my info without like, talking to someone I guess?

I can also go through my university I'm pretty sure. It's annoying because obviously there are resources, but they're just elusive somehow? And there are queer people around but like, I just don't see all that many events that appeal to me?

Other people appear to be meet up with people they already know. I don't know a single other queer person on campus. I don't see an obvious opportunity to meet people.

I also know that I'm fucking weird in that I'd be way more likely to go to more things if I had one person. I need to be made to socialize, frankly.

I'm using Tinder again because I don't know where or how people meet around here. I want a relationship, but I also have zero friends, and I don't know what I want or who I want to be when I'm in a relationship.

might post this in the new mega too idk.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 weeks ago

finally back on self careI'm back in my apartment and getting adjusted to Adderall again! This week was rough, but I know next week will feel better.

I took it easy today and finally got around to shaving and using Nair as well. When I'm smooth I feel much more comfortable wearing tank tops, and I'm trying incorporate more of those and L/XL t-shirts.

All in all had a good week, was volunteering at my old school. Fun stuff!

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

Weird times for me more than anything, but I'm hanging in there. Hope you are too

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Made it through everything, and boy oh boy do I ~~not feel better~~ feel moderately better but really just burnt out tbh

dysphoricWeddings are the most gendered thing ever so it's just really a bad time, on top of being Adderall deprived. I don't feel like a bride or a groom. But I also feel like the only person in the room who feels that way.

And then everyone talking about the wedding they were all at that I missed because I was dogsitting.

Damn, what if I just ate this wine glass?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Has not improved,just very overwhelmed. Wanted to have more energy this week but I suppose I'm just gonna try to push through to Saturday.

I feel like I'm coming unraveled. Somehow feeling even more isolated? Wasn't really able to change that during pride month. Like, I'm botching this so hard.

I can barely focus and I have to be at this wedding in a suit and everyone just sees me as a guy so like, fuck.

Also I've been zoning out so I didn't even get to do any skincare or shave or anything. But nobody knows, so nobody cares. Was anybody ever gonna call me pretty at this thing tomorrow?

I don't know what's normal to want. I think I get overlooked, I don't necessarily think I'm seeing something that isn't there. I fucking try and it's been the same for years.

I just want girl friends to be pretty and cute with and go shopping and hang out with idk.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Reeling from the discovery that I forgot to pack my Adderall. I've been turning into a slug this week and just figured out why. Gonna have to head home early because ooh boy this ain't it for the old brain

Edit: I can't wait for this week to be over. I just want to go home and be a blob. I'm ready for this wedding to be over, I'm ready to go home.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago (1 children)

My local Pride was fun!! I walked around collecting goodies. I'm a sucker for things with rainbows on them, and all the pan/enby colored collectibles. It was like 100° but I was vibing

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

These suggestions are very helpful, I'm gonna start by finding a shirt I like. I have jackets and maybe trousers that I can work with. Thank you!!

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

smoke weed and watch hentai

Happy Pride

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