overview for SterlingPooper

Now wait just a darn minute! These souvenir coins could potentially serve as a fiat currency in the region after the collapse of the dollar. They may be the only thing we have that's worth saving.

Sudoku | Trans Megathread from July 14th, 2025 to July 20th, 2025 in c/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns@hexbear.net

[–] SterlingPooper@hexbear.net 7 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (1 children)

Rough family experience

Went to the museum with family. Tried to hang out with my brother and their partner, and a friend that I kinda like. Other queer/neurodivergent people

But they all like slid off as a group and I was stuck by myself because I didn't want to walk around with my parents

The easiest shot I could ever have to make friends and of course it doesn't work out. Nobody even understands or cares that I felt left out. They described it later and were like "yeah the three of us did our thing" and it's like, I wanted to be part of that. They didn't even consider me.

Clearly I'm just too quiet and nice and polite to live. I care too much about others and if they're feeling good or enjoying themselves. I want things to be peaceful too much. These are flaws.

What's more I'm worried that there's more knocking around in my brain besides being gay and trans and autistic. Another secret thing that makes people not like me. Idk.

It's not going well, and I'm busy, and I'm too fucking weird for the weirdos in my life. So idk.

Frantz Fanon - Novo General Megathread for the 18th-20th of July 2025 in c/chapotraphouse@hexbear.net

[–] SterlingPooper@hexbear.net 4 points 6 days ago

"Then it occurred to me. I wasn't abandoning my friends by ghosting them, I was creating opportunities for them to figure things out for themselves, instead of talking to other people about it like a wuss.

I was deeply excited by this new way I could be there for my friends. I got to work identifying which ones were depressed so I could cut off contact, and get them the help they so desperately needed."

Disabled Community Megathread from July 14, 2025 to July 27, 2025 in c/disabled@hexbear.net

[–] SterlingPooper@hexbear.net 3 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (1 children)

spoiler

My problem with holding space for others is actually that I've done it for so long that I guess I thought that someone would offer me the same. I'm inclined to stay quiet and listen, but I'm also burnt out from it, from listening to people so much and being asked so rarely. If someone asked me I would be so vulnerable. The problem is when I'm vulnerable people are consistently put off, but nobody will tell me how I'm supposed to phrase things in order to avoid that. I thought prompting others to ask would be better than just saying "Wow I want to die" devoid of any context. It gives other people the opportunity to help. I don't want to take someone hostage by talking about suicide or gender dysphoria and expecting them to care. That's a lot to place on others.

If this were the first time this person was telling me about the show, that's different. If this person weren't consistently talking over me and others, that's different. People ignore and talk over me when I want to infodump, and then I have your infodump and my infodump that I didn't get to say still in my head and I haven't gotten to dump anything anywhere. But it's my fault for having too much going on in my head. I'm burnt out from being thoughtful and mindful of others where it isn't reciprocated. Like if anyone would just ask. me. direct. questions. surprise surprise, I'd answer.

My perception is that I do a lot for others by being polite and not talking over them and listening to them. Other people will just talk over each other and be rude and not listen and I always try to listen as much as I can so they don't feel ignored. This same space is not held for me, and that is what I do not understand. I have always tried to be there for others.

I don't really think people want connection unless they're explicit about it. Like to me that's something that has to be stated and established. I don't want to build something with someone in some vague situationship that just ends because it's not convenient. I want it to be mutual and intentional.

I'd also argue that me saying any of this is me being vulnerable. But watch, somehow I'm doing it wrong, or doing it in the wrong time or place, or something. The goalposts keep moving.

Disabled Community Megathread from July 14, 2025 to July 27, 2025 in c/disabled@hexbear.net

[–] SterlingPooper@hexbear.net 3 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (3 children)

fuck

Like literally I might have to get worse to get better. I just don't see a path forward. I'm too old and too lacking. Do I really have to work this hard to find my people? Nobody else has to work this hard to get someone to have a conversation with them.

I don't want to die but like there's no life so it makes you think

Kill Me

I can only really deduce that something is wrong with me because nobody will validate my concerns and that it's a reflection of me in some way. I am doing something to make people feel horrible when they talk to me or read my posts and they correctly decide that I suck

Doesn't matter that I'm nonbinary or autistic, people think I suck for some other secret reason being kept from me I guess by everyone. Like I don't know what I'm supposed to be making of situations where nothing I do is actually enough to get attention.

I'll be honest, I thought someone would at least pity me. I'd accept pity under the right circumstances. I wanted mutual emotional support, but clearly nobody is ever going to want to talk to me about emotions or processing thoughts or anything like that and it was a lost cause from the beginning.

I see people every day who just connect and talk about things and have no anxiety and I want to be like that so much and I resent that everyone else learned and nobody taught me. They all know what I don't and they won't tell me. And I'm supposed to be strong. God forbid I find myself feet-up at the bottom of a creek in the mountains. I get less support because I'm suffering.

Like, I'll start speaking up, and I guarantee that it'll be a problem, and I won't give a shit because no one ever bothered to even try to help me work through this. I don't know how to justify taking blame for behavior that I perceive to be someone else's fault. Seems like the person who made me upset shouldn't have done that.

Maybe help the person you know is struggling, the person you know is going through something you went through, or something you can help with. "No, I'm gonna wait for him to have the idea himself to put down the razor. He'll talk himself out of it, I mean, he talked himself into it, could work" 🤔

I'm genuinely confused as to why people don't notice and why people don't say more. Here and irl. It doesn't matter, obviously you decided not to care.