RMiddleton

Yes. The murderer on Saturday is said to have had a swastika drawn on his gun and a Rhodesian army patch on his clothing. As bad as Florida schools are he didn’t learn to like those things in school. He was groomed, most likely online. The conservative reactions seek to identify the fault as squarely within the individual — although not to the extent that they will support mental health screening prior to gun purchases. In other words, not to any meaningful extent. The only consequence a conservative politician supports is vitriolic tough talk for the cameras.

The white supremacist violence that took place in Jacksonville this past weekend has me doing some research.

The source of this quote is here, from another incident in Florida:
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/attempted-homicide-richard-spencer-speech-gainesville-florida_n_59ea766ae4b0958c468228ff

Does anyone have any ideas how to make improvements in the sorry state of white America? I say this as a white man. All the solutions I conceive are complicated and far fetched — like developing communities based on love and respect not money and subjugation.

Truth is they NEVER hit! I guess I didn’t take enough… Oh! Wait a minute…

I almost hate to say it because of the user base here, but I was wondering if I could block or hide certain terms as I can on Mastodon. I’m tired of seeing so much about Reddit. Some of it’s fun and interesting schadenfreude but it also feels to me a bit like obsessing over an ex. Healthier for me to stop caring.

I dislike Notes because it is used in so many other ways also. Notes in other contexts are very often private. Post, Blog, and Microblog are all clearly shared. (I realize some might wonder, "How could anyone think that creating a new item called Note is private?!" I simply offer the feedback that the term Notes is used elsewhere to connote notes to oneself, and would prefer not to add any potential confusion.)

To get a compliment out of the way first, your basic guide to using markdown in WriteFreely is superb. I plan to make it my go-to reference.

I also see that your blog is an offshoot of a queer publishing group. Love everything about what you're doing. I embrace the sincerity in your questions, and on the blog. I am sitting 14,000 km away from you, feeling similar feelings.

If you will indulge, I have no answers but wish to express my own questions:

• What is worth doing?
• What is worth sharing?
• I have limited time and energy. Is a response necessary to provide reward for an action?
  Applies to art and non-art. Today I cleaned. Yesterday I did not. Does that make today better than yesterday? Does that make me a better person today than I was yesterday? Is existence enough?

I often jump from one thought to another like that, and see everything as linked. The links between art, existence, worthiness — how I evaluate myself; if & how I choose to present myself, shared with others; and the role the responses (or lack of responses) by others play in the value of what I do, who I am.

I am a 51 year old, white, queer, US American cis man, identifying as an artist for 30 years. Since 2020 I gave up "outside work" and spend my time reading, researching, thinking, writing, and making art. I do not make a living — that alone is sufficient evidence that I am not doing enough, not doing the right thing, not proving that my existence has value... at least according to a particular point of view. Rejecting that point of view is part of the mental work I am doing to accept myself and all others as worthy by virtue of being living humans on this shared Earth.

I do not offer answers. I have endless questions.
I wish you well.
Rob

P.S. On community & being found: I am using Kbin right now. I am also enjoying the Fediverse via Mastodon, Pixelfed, Firefish, Funkwhale, and WriteFreely. I found your post by searching Kbin for "WriteFreely". I have a blog on Paper.wf that is not permitting any posting at the moment. I came here in hopes of finding answers, or a Paper.wf community or WriteFreely community. Yet another example of the difficulty of being found and finding connections is that these Fediverse offerings are truly wonderful assortments of largely lovely people — and they pale in numbers compared to those other awful places that I am used to. It is difficult for me to find meaningful input from more than a handful of people anywhere on the Fediverse. I am working on it. I believe what I want/need is not easy to find, on- or offline. In any case, I did not find any explanation for why my WriteFreely instance Paper.wf is not working. Instead I found your authentic expression of hope for connection. I suppose I wrote this response instead of writing in my blog (that no one sees 😛). I hope that Paper.wf resumes functioning some day. In the meantime, even when the Fediverse has technical flaws or I am not making many connections, I still feel happier and healthier here than in other online options.

To calm my mind I work to reduce:

• unwanted inputs
• broadcast media
• advertising
• bad faith arguing (and the unfortunate corresponding output of me arguing back, feeling angry & hopeless)
• time and energy spent harming my own wellbeing (I chose a path of financial instability for mental health; my prior jobs made me & the world worse)

& to increase:

• silence
• walking
• nature appreciation
• reading
• creativity
• meditation

Meditation is something I have felt for years I should do, but didn’t. Just last week I started a new daily practice. I had difficulty with apps and podcasts and YouTube videos because of the capitalist need for $urvival. When the path to inner peace features billboards I tend to lose focus. So I started doing it myself. I’m recording the sessions and will share them to encourage others who may be like me. I intend to show that maybe it’s not so difficult and foreign to pause and breathe and talk to oneself. In no way am I following any meditation tradition. I considered coming up with another label but felt that meditation would be the one most easily understood. I have joined this community and will post my meditation series here in the next week or two.

My name is Rob. I’m 51. I’m an abstract expressionist painter. My diagnoses (received in my early 20s) are ADHD, major depression, and eventually bipolar. I have taken many prescriptions. I have attended much therapy. I’m not doing either at the moment, for a combination of financial and DIY/philosophical reasons. I do not judge the course others take on their route to survival. At least I aspire not to judge. It’s one thing I’m working on, including in meditation.

P.S.
I experienced mild anxiety as I wrote this comment in the form of these thoughts:

• Maybe after one day HandOfDoom already received enough response. I can think of many times I’ve reached out online then retreated as I felt overwhelmed by replies — and I’m not talking as someone with a huge following, 3 replies can overwhelm me!
• If I’m not careful I will write a book length response because figuring this stuff out is my life story.

Since you mentioned “boring” — Probably the most out of step thing about me is that I think boredom is healthy. I think constantly stimulating stories (and consumption habits, relationships, news…) are interfering with the hard, slow work of sustainable existence. (I just realized I’m almost quoting Dr. Wong! Sorry lol)

I crave entertainment and distraction. And I admit my huge flaw of falling into a lecturing tone. Sigh. I don’t mean it. I only want to control me. It’s just that for most of my life I’ve been pretty unhappy and dysfunctional & I see links between my past state and a desire for escape and constant entertainment. Is this still about kissing in movies? Maybe. We are just sharing opinions on the internet. Getting feelings out is good.

Gonna go watch Andy Warhol’s “Sleep” now…

I consider them part of normal human behavior and therefore natural in movies. If anything I might think more intimacy should be portrayed on screen. But this question and many of the replies let me see that I am not necessarily typical in my view that sex, love, and kissing are no big deal in media.

I’m curling up to a movie right now on Hooplah & last night watched one on Kanopy, two streaming services I get free with my library card.

I think it just takes time. In my opinion the best growth kinda can’t happen while you’re looking at it. (Watched pot.) What made me feel warm fuzzies about this place was when I had a question about something IRL & knew I would ask it on here in the relevant community. Realizing that the same process will happen over and over, by many different people and without the distraction of spam and garbage… that makes me smile.

(at least, normal enough)
Perfection!