this post was submitted on 23 Nov 2023
279 points (98.3% liked)

Not The Onion

17887 readers
760 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
top 29 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 45 points 2 years ago (2 children)

What the fucking fuck, Florida?

[–] [email protected] 30 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I'll admit, this one's a pretty unique Florida Man.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Just when you think it couldn’t get any weirder, Florida Man proves you wrong.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 years ago

It can always get even Florider

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

Interestingly, "Florida Man" news stories are largely the result of a law called the Government in the Sunshine Act. The Surprising Truth About FLORIDA MAN!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 years ago

Don't sell us so short, we're not the only state with Sunshine Laws. For example, have you ever heard of Missouri Man?

[–] [email protected] 39 points 2 years ago (4 children)

I want to know where exactly on the books it says this specific act is illegal.

[–] [email protected] 48 points 2 years ago (1 children)

They charged him with indecent exposure. There's not a "defecation on a deceased marsupial with the intent to disrupt traffic" statute.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago

Sort of seems like there should be now though, eh?

[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 years ago

It's only illegal in Florida during rush hour. When traffic isn't so congested, lots of people are doing this and it's hardly headline material.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 years ago

That's not how the law works, silly. They just arrest the guy and then find something to charge him with.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 years ago

Yeah this sounds like quite a load.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 23 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 years ago

The possum was looking so lonely in its death so the Florida Man just wanted to give it a gift.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Seriously tho, where’s the story about a florida man trying to poop on a live possum, that would be something.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 years ago (2 children)

A lot of possums play dead and are not really dead. This is one way you can test whether or not a possum is dead.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 years ago

He's just testing his hy-poo-thesis

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 years ago

You simply cannot argue with that logic.

In Florida.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 years ago

Getting arrested for acting crazy in the epicenter of Scientology is kind of an achievement.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 years ago

That can't possibly be...

Yep. It's the actual, unedited headline. This one ought to win some kind of award.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

[Florida Man] ... was not under the influence of any intoxicants at the time of the alleged incident

- Pinellas County Sheriff's Office

Just thought it was as good a place as any

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 years ago
[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 years ago

He won the bet though

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 years ago

Setting a new bar for the others

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 years ago

Don't judge, it could happen to anyone

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 years ago (1 children)

What did he get arrested for though? Was pooping in public thr part that was illegal or is doing it on a dead possum considered animal abuse?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago

The last line of the article is

He was charged with exposure of sexual organs and booked at the Pinellas County Jail.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago

Florida Roulette.

1 of 6 times the opossum is still alive.