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Shall I settle for her? (lemmy.world)

submitted 1 month ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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I M(38) have been on a sabbatical through Asia and got to know a lovely woman. We have slept with each other, spend 2 weeks together. She even cooked for me. I know she wants me. I am back home now and we are staying in touch over whatsapp. She wants to see me again and I'm pretty sure she wants a relationship and eventually settle with kids. I, on my hand, am not sure if I should settle for her. I fear that she is only after my money and will reveal her true colors once she is married to me. I am doing well in life and it is her chance to leave her poor country behind and upgrade her life. She seems really fine so far but like I said I fear that she is baiting me and wants to exploit me financially. How do I approach this to check what she is really about? Its risky to settle for her but its probably even riskier to settle for a woman in my country (high divorce rates). So what do I have to lose, right?

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago

Define "settle", you make it seem that you are too good for her. Either that is true and you are desperate to settle down, or you think better of yourself than you are.

Could she be trying to get citizenship in your country and she will divorce you later? Maybe.

Could she be after your money? Pre-nups exist for this very uncertainty.

Is she just seeking a better life for herself, that you can provide, and will give you a transactional relationship devoid of any genuine love? Maybe, but that is true of a percentage of women and some marriages start out as a partnership and fade to give and take.

Just keep talking and go visit her and feel things out, and definitely don't cum in her. Keep in mind the cultural differences, if there is no successful son, you are the successful son and will be supporting her parents later in their life in Asia, or they will be living with you in your country.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

You've spent two weeks with this woman. These are questions to be asking after two years. Chill. Enjoy what you have.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

This is a very weird post.

First of all, no, don't "settle" for anyone. Relationships should be built on honesty and mutual respect. If you are settling, it means you don't respect her. And since she would almost certainly break things off with you if you told her you are "settling", you probably won't tell her, which is dishonest.

But based on your post, it doesnt seem like you find anything unsatisfactory about her personality. Instead, you are concerned that she is just after your money. Maybe she is. Maybe she isn't. You find out by getting to know her. This takes more than 2 weeks. It takes years. Go spend 2 years with her to see who she actually is. That's the point of dating. Seeing someone for 2 weeks and then thinking of marriage is crazy talk.

Finally, if you marry her, just get a prenup. These exist for a reason. Then she can't divorce you and take your money.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

Go live with her for a year, then decide