chapotraphouse

lady I'm texting says "I will literally ruin your life"

,,,really? you promise? ☺️🥰🥺

Joke's on you, I'm already at rock bottom

the last time I had a dating profile, it was a very anti-dating profile type of profile.

very "I am only on here to have something to do on my phone when I take a shit. and maybe find someone to rob. buy me dinner and I'll steal your laptop" type shit. all of my pictures were unflattering.

I got an embarrassing number of matches.

*Quick tip for those using gay dating apps

Comparing tinder to grindr is like comparing playing baseball to walking on the fucking moon

pro tips: you can get chasers to avoid you by breaking their legs with hammers

I have a friend whose bio was “I am a murderer” and he was pretty popular

It should be legal to chop a chaser's dick off (since they're like 99% cis men)

I have never had to use a dating app yet I have the delusion I’d be really good at them in another life.

I used to help friends and charge strangers for fixing their dating profiles. This is the approach I used to great effect. Actual tinder-tip:

First picture of you should be of you (and ONLY you) from the chest or stomach up. You should be smiling, which indicates you are not a psycho.

Second picture of you should be a full body picture, so people can see you are not ashamed of your body.

Third picture should be a group photo with some friends, which indicates that you are not a psycho. Smiling is good here as well. Smiling is generally good, because it makes people think you are happy and you can make them happy - you won't, you're gonna ruin them, but don't tell them that.

Fourth picture should be of you doing an activity - rockclimbing, swimming, knitting, dj'ing, and so on. This is to indicate you have something going on in your life and also gives people some idea of your personality.

Fifth and sixth are interchangeable position-wise, but they are: Silly picture and sexy picture. I recommend saving the sexy picture for last.

That's it for pictures. You can have 1-2 activity/silly/sexy pictures but they come at the end then, and don't have more than that. You can have too many pictures.

Your bio should be positive - that is to say absolutely NO "swipe left on me if you..." Talk about what you like, not what you dislike. It should be light, short, sweet and give people something to write to you about. It is a good idea to ask a question in your bio, which people can then answer - this is a pre-icebreaker.
Another good idea is to suggest dates in your bio.

Lastly: use hinge, it's better than tinder, less toxic (not non-toxic, but definitely less toxic). Feeld used to be good, but has become ridden with bots and bros who want threesomes with chicks or femme enbies (which they consider to be women, because queer people are, at best, fetish objects for them). This last tip varies by region and culture.

Edit: Also the pictures should look like you and optimally you should look relatively similar in all of them (optimally, but we all know it can be hard to find good pictures of ourselves, so its fine if they dont). Your hair can be different lengths than your pictures too, thats also fine. They can (should) be flattering, but they have to look like you. The worst first impression you can give is one where you start off by lying AND it makes you seem incredibly insecure, which isn't a good foundation for fun.

Genuine queation: Why do people say "I will ruin your life"? When their profile says that I pass on them because I got enough shit going on. I'm not dating to find someone who wants to be disastrously mean to me.