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this post was submitted on 18 Aug 2023
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reading up on hrt tonight, feels like I'm one baby step closer to being who I really am
Had a phone call with my GP this week.
Being intentionally correctly gendered for the first time in my life felt a little surreal ngl.
Thinking about asking my mom directly to use they/them pronouns for me. She used them for a little bit after I told her about my gender cornfusion but she stopped doing it after a while. I don't feel ready to use she/her in person (online it's easier because it's not connected to my physical representation) but this would at least cut out the discomfort of being called "he" all the time
also working up the courage to join a local-ish queer discord. I just don't wanna join and find out it's like 5 random people and they're all libs
ngl i felt very similar early on about they/them usage, i even was ok with the dreaded he because i was worried i was pushing it too hard.
i gotta say ripping the bandaid off on that was one of the better choices i made. obviously go your own speed, but make sure you do what makes you comfortable 
I feel like I need to make more progress in other areas of presentation before it feels right. That in turn is predicated by getting my own apartment so I feel comfortable enough to explore. There's probably some "worthiness" brainworms and self-sabotage attached but ¯\_༼ •́ ͜ʖ •̀ ༽_/¯ I'm just too much of a wreck to figure it out
yeah i feel you. i didnt really start going for name/pronoun changes until maybe about a year into hrt. and i didnt start dressing femme until 2 years in. having everyone start gendering you right on their own accord is definitely a way to push you into getting shit done
and for the record, you can pretty easily sneak the hrt by people. i did it for a bit cause we have a family living culture, so like my whole extended family here in the USA lives in one house. it takes a while for the changes to accrue.