It's a bit rough around the edges, but I could see it being a pretty good read with a bit of polish. 
Couple of typos that stood out.
Gotta remove one of the 'could not's here.
this post was submitted on 29 Apr 2024
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writing
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Thank you for your feedback, I really appreciate it! I agree this chapter needs some work, I just sort of threw a bunch of exposition in it. I'd get rid of it completely, but it introduces some characters that are important later.
Welcome! Good luck with it!
interesting 
I think, at the start (like first 2-3 paragraphs) there is a little bit too many adjectives/maybe too flowery. And is color theme important overall? we get lots of descriptions of colors, but not textures/smells/sounds?
Thank you for your feedback! I see what you mean, I hadn't really considered the other senses for this chapter, it gets a little better later.